Cracked Columnists

2 New Shirts: Han Solo's Space Cowboys and Mario's Prestige

Is this the ultimate summer of super team-ups? Guardians of the Galaxy gave us a new spin on Avengers stories, LeBron James assembled a new Big 3 in the Rust Belt, and some noble modern-day Tesla combined bacon, churros, maple syrup, whipped cream, and Jack Daniels into one superfood. We see America grow and supercombine like this, and we say our shirts need to match, bringing you all your favorite things in one wearable place.

Spike Spiegel and Malcolm Reynolds have a lot in common. So do Han Solo and Korben Dallas and James Tiberius Motherfucking Kirk. Which makes it a shame that we never get to see them go full Tombstone money shot on all the scoundrels, babes, and galaxies they can. Good thing we have a concept from Cracked regular Danzy and designed by one of our favorite designers, Luke Schroder who you may remember from this Mario/Friday the 13th mashup. Wear it and let everyone know no matter how many parsecs need crossing, you're going to tackle them a lot less like the old, sensible Picard and a lot more like the freewheeling young one.

Cracked fan Greg Welsh Jr. might be a lot like you, in the sense that he's one single pop culture fan and not an endlessly duplicated shell of a human. The only version of Greg there has ever been pitched this Prestige + Mario idea to us, and one of many dimensional versions of Soren OKed it and Jesse Eisemann designed it into the literal fabric of reality (cotton). Because isn't Mario's "multiple lives" situation sort of like Hugh Jackman's drowned magician character, or the key quandary of teleportation? Don't Mario and Luigi probably have an intense behind-the-scenes rivalry for your preference as a player? Isn't David Bowie awesome? If you agree with at least two of those propositions, this is the shirt for you. And if you don't agree with any of them, you need to sit down with at least one segment of Bowie's career and rethink some things.

Only You Can Save the (T-Shirt) Universe

Both of our new shirt concepts came from people like you. We run T-shirt design contests for them often. They live somewhere in our forum here. And they're where we pay $500 and Internet fame for your Photoshopped ideas. "But there isn't a contest running right now!" you say in a whiny voice, mainly because you didn't sit up and breathe in right and use your diaphragm. Well, don't worry: Our official infrequently monitored random T-shirt idea thread awaits you. We really do check it once in a while, and it's a great way for your idea to stand out as particularly original, instead of getting swamped in the other "Sauceface starring Alfredo Pacino" designs people submit to our single-theme contests (in that case, "Movie Posters if They Were Pizzas"). Get Photoshopping, get submitting, and seriously, whoever keeps sending us that Pizza Pacino idea, please, it's over, and we're already making a De Niro/calzones thing.

Our Weekly Dose of Shirt Envy

The Internet stamps out endless new shirts, and occasionally they're superteam-level great. Of all the new ones this week, here's the starting five we'd put in any all-star game against any collection of clothes you can come up with. Here's hoping you'll see them and find something you'll want to wear again and again and again and then, jeez, time to wash it, don't you think?

5)


Available at The Yetee

4)


Available at Glennz Tees

3)


Available at 6DollarShirts

2)


Available at Shirt.Woot

1)


Available at Threadless

Recommended For Your Pleasure

CRACKED Staff

  • Rss

More by CRACKED Staff:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

52 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!