The 5 Most Incredibly Detailed Replicas Ever Made by Fans The 4 Most Underrated Feelings in the World 5 Reasons Why Donald Trump Is the Biggest Troll Alive
Cracked Columnists

18 Nutty Pieces of Obama Merchandise

So I guess it's inauguration day today, which means that right now as you read this President Bush is probably frantically running from room to room of the White House, panicked that he accidentally packed up and shipped his car keys to Texas. There is also the possibility he is playing in a large cardboard box.

And that's it for the Bush jokes folks. I've actually been pretty good about avoiding them I think, and I won't miss their tediousness in the world of political humor. But there's just something about the image of a grown man tumbling down a staircase in a cardboard box, smashing into portraits of better presidents, you know?

And just as the sun sets on Bush-jokes, the sun starts to shine on jokes about insane Obama-fandom. From the handsome and sturdy example on your right, to the 18 others I've selected below, there's a whole host of lunatic things lunatic-people have made to celebrate their love of Barack Obama. Let's cast a mature and not-at-all petty eye on some of it, shall we?

Obama Clothespin Doll

This one's actually pretty cute, and compared to some of the other obaminations to come, pretty true to form. The limitations of the clothespin framing device do render the president as being pretty in need of a bathroom break though.

___

Obama Paper Towel Holder

A nice Obama paper towel holder says "Let's get down to work," and "Grrr, I hate messes."

___

Obama Angel

This is actually an Obama Angel, although the wings are a little subdued in this shot, looking a little bit like the napkins makeup artists tuck into your collar. I guess this is a representation of what Obama looks like before they get a chance to tidy up his gigantism a bit.

___

Obama "Beany"

Wow. That sure is one lumpy ass president. I can see cats just freaking right the hell out if you placed them in a room with this.

___

Glow in the Dark Obama Bottle Stopper

If you've ever found yourself fumbling around in the dark, looking for a bottle of wine that represents change, then here, improbably, is the perfect solution for you.

___

Obama Buddha Candle

Obama's been conflated with religious figures before, but this is the first time I've seen that happen in a form that would be useful if left next to the toilet.

___

Obama Dog Sweater (with pun)

I think the funniest way to use this would be to put it on your dog, then walk around your neighborhood acting like you were a die-hard Republican, just constantly hurling abuse at it. "Can you believe this socialist?" you'd say to strangers at the park, while you aimed kicks at it. "Tax and spend your way out of this!"

___

Obama Finger Puppet

I was thinking of buying one of these for Swaim to use in his videos to keep him company, or at least keep his finger warm. But I just know he'd use it for something foul and unsettling.

I also don't have the $14.

___

Obama Doll

It said "Obama", though it's got a little more of a "Theo Huxtable meets the Low Grade Industrial Carpet Monster" thing going on if you ask me.

___

Obama Hand Puppet

This is astoundingly well crafted. If this puppet told me to do something, I probably would. Hell I'd give you even money that this puppet could beat McCain in an debate.

___

Obama Butter & Obama Jam

This seems a little tenuous to me, and given the struggling economy and recent rise in teen pregnancy rates, the catchphrase "Spread It Everywhere" seems either wasteful or in poor taste, I can't tell which.

___

Obama Hearts Hawaiian Pizza T-Shirt

The political t-shirt for people who think political t-shirts are too "political."

___

Obama Soap on a Rope

I'm no expert on constitutional law, but isn't it a crime to stick representations of the president into your damp areas to wash out the funk? Or is that protected speech? Should it be?

___

Obama Toast

Goes good with the Obama Jam I guess. That would be a pretty fucking inspirational breakfast. Maybe not quite "plant a tree" inspirational, but definitely "take a walk" or "put on pants and at least check the job listings" inspirational.

___

Obama Wall Sticker

Pretty standard wall sticker here, but I think with a little customization, you could have a lot of fun with this:

___

Rat Terriers for Obama

There's a whole host of these available, all implying some sort of pan-breed canine support for the Democratic candidate. Does Obama have some position on licking your testicle in public that I don't know about? Did the liberal media let that slide?

___

Barack Obacca

This is so rad it should be legal tender.

___

Tshirt - Obama rides McCain all the way to the white house, while enjoying a 100 percent all beef hotdog

I have no idea. I love how even 15 years after we met, the Internet is still capable of blowing my fucking mind.

  • Random

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Chris Bucholz

  • Rss

More by Chris Bucholz:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

88 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!