16 Steps To Destroy Your Day With Facebook Customer Support

Facebook's mission statement (according to https://www.facebook.com/facebook/info) is to connect people. They're doing a great job at it, too. I, for example, have met a number of incredibly attractive women who have only one profile picture and a keen interest in personal finance. It takes all types, I suppose. As with any large undertaking, though, things occasionally go wrong. When they do, you'll want to know these 16 easy steps to get in touch with Facebook.

#16. Check The Help Forum

Facebook has a lot of users -- I'm talking like more than a dozen -- so chances are you aren't the first person to have the problem you're experiencing. Check the Facebook help forum to make sure your question hasn't been answered already. To get there, move your mouse to the upper-right corner of your screen to the little triangle pointing down that is literally the smallest icon on the page. This will drop down a menu. In the bottom part of this menu is an item you may not be able to see (you have to scroll down even though this does not look like it scrolls down) called "Help."

Facebook

Or, you can just head over to https://www.facebook.com/help.

#15. Find The Relevant Thread

The help forum is useful and intuitive. Just type your issue in the search bar.

Facebook

You'll then get posts by the Facebook help team tangentially related to your issue.

#14. Follow The Suggested Step

Regardless of what your problem is, there is an 80 percent chance the official response is, "Wait it out." See if nobody doing anything fixes your issue.

Facebook

Note the smiley-face rating system. What degree of smiley are you right now? Extremely smiley? We're betting on extremely smiley.

#13. Check The Community Questions

If there isn't an official response for your problem, it's time to pull out the big guns: the community questions. There are literally tens of thousands of user-generated threads on your topic. Before contacting the Facebook team, be sure to click through each and every one of these.

Facebook

With 34,641 questions, at the rate of one question per minute, you could be done in just 24 days of nonstop reading!

#12. Start A New Thread

If there is no answer to your question, start a new thread. It doesn't matter if there are already dozens of threads asking the same question with no response, crying out into the abyss: bumping and reposting, demanding developer responses to just silence. Nothing but deafening silence.

#11. Make Note Of Any Parallels With Dante's Inferno

There will be many, so don't be too hard on yourself if you can't catch them all. Think carefully about what life decisions have led you to this point. Think about what you might have done to deserve this.

Stradanus
"Specs! Give us your specs!"

#10. Report The Problem

After you have witnessed Facebook's garden of poor unfortunate souls, it's time to pull out the big guns. Actually, I guess we've already pulled out the big guns once, so this time, we'll pull out the bigger guns: Report this issue to the Facebook team. You can do this by going to that same tiny arrow again. Take screenshots of your issue and carefully describe it so that someone from the Facebook team could re-create the error. I say "could" because there's no guarantee anyone will actually read your message; you will see a confirmation telling you not to expect a reply because they can't reply to each and every problem. Rest assured, however, your input will somehow be used to make Facebook better!

Facebook
Apparently people's photo albums disappearing is disturbingly common.

#9. Have You Tried Checking The Help Forum?

If Facebook thanking you and then not reading your report doesn't solve your issue, it's time to pull out the biggest guns: Check the forums at https://www.facebook.com/help to make sure your question hasn't been answered already. If it hasn't, try posting to the forum!

#8. Check Your Support Inbox

Notice that you now have a new entry in your support inbox, which can be found by going back to that tiny triangle in the upper-right corner of the screen. This is an official record of your report and its response, telling you that you will receive no individual response. Here, you can learn more about reporting an issue (which you've just done) and sharpening your skills at recognizing real-life instances of irony. This is presumably a Zen koan, showing you that you never had a problem to begin with. If you still have a problem ...

Facebook
The icon for the support inbox is a heart with a lightbulb in it because "maybe your heart has an idea"
is about as much technical support as you're going to get.

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Aaron Kheifets

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