And when the topic of their military incompetence is always raised, I point them to the Battle of Tours in 732, without which probably the Moors would have dominated a larger part of Europe.

Frenchman: so, I failed in my attempt at being objective… damn, I thought being European would have given me an advantage.

France, many Americans claim, should do whatever Washington orders out of gratitude for US ‘saving’ it in two world wars. US TV features angry veterans standing in American military cemeteries in Normandy, denouncing France for ‘stabbing America in the back’ - as if invading Iraq to grab its oil and crushing Israel’s enemies had anything to do with World War II. I happen to be a US Army vet and member of the American Legion who thinks France is doing exactly the right thing.

Few flag-waving pundits mention America sat out almost 40% of WWII until attacked by Japan. In 1940, the German armed forces were the equivalent of the US armed forces today - a full military generation ahead of all other nations. France’s entire army was destroyed in battle by the invincible Germans; had the US fought Germany in 1940, it too would have been routed. The Soviet Union, not the US, defeated Germany, destroying over 100 Nazi divisions.

Hm…I love Cracked. I use to read it at summer camp in Vermont around 8 or so. Anyway, I felt insulted by your article, filled with hatred. I felt even more insulted by most of the comments here. Almost at the end, I thought “well this HAS to be some old google cache page from 2006 or something” - then I saw the last comments were 4 days old.

So I wonder, how could a “puny” little country, embattle the great Land of Freedom ?
Of course it doesn’t matter that we aided the Nordists vs racism in the civil war.
Of course it doesn’t matter that France all in all, won more military victories than US could in the next 1000 years probably.
Of course it doesn’t matter that France invented your biggest money maker : movies (wikipedia Frères Lumières).
Of course it doesn’t matter that in France, most French people actually work 50 hours a week (hum.. for a 35 hour pay - that’s the bolchevist catch fools!).
Of course it doesn’t matter French (Louis Paster) discovered vaccine againt the Plague.
Of course it doesn’t matter a 6th grade student is better in mathematics than some lazy beerfest pseudo-scientific phd at yale (more Fields medal than any).
Of course it doesn’t matter that France hosts the most feared special ops “French Foreign Legion” that make the Navy Seals look like Bambi.
Of course it doesn’t matter the French were the first to have a flying aircraft (wikipedia frères Mongolfiers)
Of course it doesn’t matter that that France is also co-founder of radium, hence plutonium used in your so cherrished “nukes”.
Of course it doesn’t matter that the US just came late 10 days of war (when victory was assured), to distribute bubble gum, and condoms
to French widows, and then spawn 20 blockbuster movies like “saving private ryan” to show-off and dispute reality.

The only thing that seemed to matter to you guys (besides tits and pussy and drugs), is the fact as UN permanent member, we didn’t go along with your whole NOW KNOWED to be a full hoax to get cheap oil, secret service discovered WMD - and we voiced it (France was right). Sooner or later your clumsy president will be indicted as a war criminal. With your beer bellies and your 40 inch made in China flatscreen, you about killed thousands and thousands of innocent humans (”collateral damage”) : and you still joke about it, and pretend you’re infuriated. Must mean the end of a cycle. Nobody in Europe look at America as a dream or an example, you pretty much screwed it up within a 4 year time-lapse. Oh well.

PS: about the WWI, for you ignorant jocks, who think others are cowards :

WWI
Verdun battle 02/21/1916 12/19/1916 10 months
163000 French dead vs 143000 Germans dead

Somme battle 07/01/1916 11/18/1916 4 months
202567 French dead vs 437322 English dead vs 737322 German dead

That’s history, a whole lot of people dead fighting manly, not with gay laser nighwatch goggles hovering
above in helicopters.

Lastly :
Play with your little ipods as if they were dildos, digg your marijuana lifestyle, and wear baseball caps.
You’re just children to most of Europe, and everybody knows even the most calm Frenchman will give
a better orgasm to your wife, not even trying, on a workday.
For the rest, you are like a fly to us, that is why we have not yet nuked you : in our peripheral vision, we
are just gazing mildly at the downfall of our American friends who betrayed US and not the opposite.

Really…. France, That bastard country that MY country gave back their country from the other country who took their country from them in WWII had the gall to announce to MY country that our country’s dead soldiers “pollute their landscape”, after taking payoffs from Saddam to veto any UN action.

If you meet someone who seems like a pompous jerk, smells like cheese and has REALLY hairy armpits , then it’s a FRENCH person… be very careful and step 3 feet back. They are wine-tasting, self serving jerks (except the topless ones who shave their armpits)