Cracked Columnists

15 Behind the Scenes Photos That Ruin the Movie

#7. Russell from True Blood

True Blood, an empty soap opera masquerading as an HBO horror-dramedy, is about beautiful vampires and werewolves with inconsistent, vaguely Southern accents who take turns having sex with each other. (Very little else happens.) Russell Edgington was the only legitimately terrifying character, which might not sound appealing, but it's surprisingly refreshing in a show that's otherwise populated mostly by sexy monsters.

EW.com
"busy. on set now. talk l8r. bein scary vampire lol."

How It Hurts the Show

Because that's the stupidest-looking thing in a show that deals almost exclusively in stupidity.

#6. Sweeney Todd from Sweeney Todd

Sweeney Todd is a musical about a heartbroken barber who decides to go on a murder spree to get revenge on the people who ruined his life. The people who stopped reading the sentence at the word "musical" would probably be really pissed if they knew what they missed.

PopSofa.com

How It Hurts the Movie

Because Sweeney Todd is supposed to be a terrifying and fearsome "demon barber," and here it looks like he's giving himself an awkward-guy pep talk while getting picked on.

PopSofa.com

"Don't listen to them. Just keeeep walking. Maybe their hair looks stupid. Did they ever think of that?"

#5. An Ewok from Star Wars (Return of the Jedi)

This isn't even the last one.

TheChive

How It Hurts the Movie

Because AAAAHHHH! AAAAAHHHH THE EYES!

TheChive

THE EYES! THEY ONLY SEE DEATH! NOT AS IT COULD BE BUT AS IT WILL BE AND MUST BE!

#4. Ryan Gosling in Some Upcoming Ryan Gosling Movie

Ryan Gosling stars as a tall and attractive sensitive-old-soul type who, despite being ultimately good at heart, occasionally needs to do some pretty rough things, but it's OK because he's doing it all for love.

Probably.

This movie's not out yet and I have no idea what it's about, but I imagine Ryan Gosling will play a character who has that "across-the-aisle effect," where male viewers find him charming and likable enough that they don't even mind that their girlfriends will be thinking of Gosling when they have sex that night.

Yahoo Movies

How It Hurts the Movie

At first, this might not even look like an on-set, out-of-context image. It could, for all we know, be a random still from a movie where Ryan Gosling just got his ass kicked, or got in a car accident, or whatever.

But, on closer inspection, assuming you weren't distracted by the brutality on Gosling's otherwise annoyingly symmetrical face, you probably noticed the random PA desperately trying to hand him coffee.

I would be thrilled if this weren't a shot from a movie and was instead just a random paparazzi shot from Gosling's life. Not that I want any harm to come to Ryan Gosling -- watching his movies with a date is almost a guaranteed gateway to sex. I saw a lot of action in high school by inviting girls over to watch ... one of his older movies, I forget (Apt Pupil?). But I'd love it if this were just a spy shot from real life. Like he's just leaving a car accident, he can barely see, but he's got just the best assistant on the planet, sprinting after him with coffee just the way he likes it.

Yahoo Movies
"Mr. Gosling, it's organic and just the way you like it. Do you want me to call the hospital now? Mr. Gosling? Mr. Gosling? I got your coffee! MR. GOOOOOOOSLING!

[Special thanks to Dan Smith for sending the picture along.]

#3. Everyone from Star Wars (The Phantom Menace)

In Multiplicity, Michael Keaton clones himself, and every time a clone is made of another clone, the new clone is dumber and more damaged and less like the original. Phantom Menace is the retarded fourth clone of Star Wars.

TheChive

How It Hurts the Movie

Poor Ewan McGregor. No one told him how terrible these movies were going to be. Look at him. He's the only one who doesn't know. Even R2 is like "Beep boop, horseshit script, boop, whistle."

#2. Lincoln from Steven Spielberg's Abraham Lincoln Movie

Richmond Times-Dispatch

Conversation I prefer to imagine taking place:

Spielberg: Did you see Jaws?

Lincoln: Well, I'm afraid I wasn't born. Further, were I alive, I imagine I'd be far too preoccupied with the Emancipation Proclamation, or healing our wounded nation.

Spielberg: Uh huh ... but, definitely "no" on Jaws? Not even on TNT or something? Huh.

How It Hurts the Movie

Steven Spielberg wasn't around when Lincoln was president. I don't think, anyway, though I don't claim to know everything about presidents (just how to fight them).

Here, it looks like Spielberg is some pushy, rich big shot trying to convince a reluctant Lincoln to let the young, embarrassed soldier beside him join the army. "C'mon," Spielberg seems to be saying, "the kid's my nephew, and he's great at fighting. You'll love him. You'll love him. Do this for me. As a favor."

#1. The Faun from Pan's Labyrinth

I've never seen Pan's Labyrinth. I am choosing to believe the below picture is actually part of the movie.

Reddit

How It Hurts the Movie

It doesn't, really. It's actually just the best advertisement for Coca-Cola and shredded chicken I've ever seen in my entire life.

[Special thanks to M. Asher Cantrell for sending the picture along, and of course to Reddit.]


Daniel O'Brien is Cracked.com's senior writer (ladies) and desperately wants to film his Leia/C-3PO fan fiction (robot ladies).

For more ways Dan ruins movies for everyone, check out Matthew McConaughey's Next 10 Movie Posters and Novelization of the Trailer for the Movie Battleship.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Daniel O'Brien

  • Rss

More by Daniel O'Brien:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

844 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!