12 Video Game Characters With Undiagnosed Mental Disorders
We always knew there was something not right about people eating mushrooms, leaping at gold coins the size of their body and putting on raccoon costumes in order to fly, but with the release of the DSM-VG, psychiatric medicine has finally caught up to the horrors of the virtual world.
Now, doctors can at last get these characters the help they so badly need.
When not Photoshopping, Michael serves as head writer for and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!
Does Ash's OCD also mean his constant hat wearing.
ReplyAwesome article, and yet more proof that Swaim is the best. The suggested treatments were the best part.
Reply"Immediate separation of the boy and his talking yellow cat."
ReplyI have no idea, but that line came out of nowhere and killed me. Swaim, I adore you.
Albert Wesker needs to be on this list for his God Complex.
ReplyKirby should team up with Yoshi to form a bulimic character support network.
Reply*begin sarcasm* Never mind that this article is offensive towards practically everyone with a mental disorder, it's marginally funny! *end sarcasm*
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThis is CRACKED. Everyone gets insulted at one time or another on this site. Plus, it's not saying that these disorders are any less serious, it's just commenting on how odd these characters are.
...SAR-CASM Jack...
Jack, I feel you do not understand this "sarcasm" concept.
Ash isn't a video game character, he's an anime character. The game character's name is Red. Also, Pikachu is a mouse, not a cat.
Reply Hide All See All 7 RepliesThat's a mouse? I thought he was a cross between Tweedy Bird, a rabbit and a Tesla Coil.
Just so you know Hobbit, how horribly wrong you are, Ash is actually the champion after the Elite four in one of the pokemon games. Beat you there I suppose. Didn't say they had to be main characters.
Considering how many Pokemon games my kids have on our various gaming consoles, I'm pretty sure Ash can be considered a video game character.
Hobbit is right. The video game character is Red, and the anime character is actually named Satoshi, in j*panese. In America, it is Ash.
And Doom, when you fight "Ash" in Gold and Silver (I think that's what you were referring to), his name is Red. Ash has never appeared in a Pokemon game, ever.
@ BlBlover That is if you don't consider Yellow Version, in which the recommended name for the main character is Ash. Go figure.
The place you're trying to refer to is called Hobbiton. Shut up.
Pikachu's a rabbit with a long tail who is able to give people electric shocks
When I read about Ico I was surprised anyone knew about that game. I played a Demo when I was 12 and my favorite part was letting Yorda fall off that cliff.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Replieswho?
Yeah that game was all kinds of popular. Meet more nerds dude.
Crack covers Shadow of Colossus in another article. Go take a look, it's a good read.
Wow, Yorda from Ico! So very few people seem to know about this game. I'm so glad I could count on you, Swaim. ;~;
ReplyDX Pet peeve: Tourette's Syndrome is not just uncontrollable swearing. Coprolalia is a relatively rare tic, in fact (I think it's, like, 1 in ten people with Tourette's have coprolalia as a tic), rarer than tics like head jerking and joint cracking, which are also commonly used in the Tourette's stereotype.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesBasically, Duke Nukem probably doesn't have Tourette's; he's just really violent.
Um... that would by why Swaim described his tic as grimacing, not swearing.
oh s**t, cracking knuckles can be diagnosed as tourette's? i do it 5 times every minute.
And Duke Nukem is always cracking his knuckles.
hmmmm. do you think its quite possible that he call pikachu a cat on purpose...? just something to think about. this article was awesome as is SWAIM!!!!
ReplyWell that´s what you get searching the archives ;) And I don´t mean the multiplayer map on my N64.. Great Article!
ReplyI love this, but I have to be a bit of a fanboy.. err girl. Pikahu is a mouse Pokemon, not a cat. Even you should know that, Swaim. Still, it was an excellent article. Makes me proud to be a psych major.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesYes, anyone who looked at a yellow long-eared short-muzzled obese furry mammal the size of a house safe would think "mouse."
Seriously Swaim, what's wrong with you.
Yeah dude, it's totally a mouse, it even says it on the original pokemon card and some of the pokedex entries in the games.
I feel as if it was part of the joke; this is told from the point of view of the doctor, who likely is only seeing Pikachu as some weird animal that is vaguely catlike, not as a special creature. D=
Are you sure your not obsessive compulsive about knowing everything there is to know about Pokemons?
Amazing! This is one of my favourite Cracked articles (/blogs). You've done your homework, Swaim ^^ Was psychology your minor or something?
ReplyHey, we can do this for most cartoons as well! Here's to get you started:
ReplyZIM: Megalomaniac; insists on calling himself Invader ZEEEM and has a possibly uncontrollable homoerotic lust for his arch rival, Dib, who may also be secretly mutual in this feeling... Also, exhibits unsettling amount of fecophilia; almost everything he says in most intervals has to do with fecal matter or revolting filth in some way, adding literal defecation to the amount of humor he's supposed to portray
Daggett Beaver: Mental retardation; deprived of fetal oxygen in the womb for long periods of time; his co-dependency on his stoner brother Norbert is also becoming very apparent (who, after having a nice, long talk with him over a couple of freshly layed reefers, probably got all of the oxygen his brother missed out on.) Norb's inflated ego only intensifies his narcissistic attitude and general lack of any insight on whatever's going on around him, ever. Has an IQ way below average to the point of being a fumbling mouth breather who must never be trusted around anything larger than a grapefruit
Is it okay if I diagnose you with a Richard Horvitz fixation, since you totally unprompted brought up two seemingly random cartoon characters who are both voiced by the same guy?
What no Billy?
@Charlotte the Fat Bitch: I believe the correct phrase is "I love fucking you Swaim."
Replyi think we need to check mario out for 'shroom abuse. we seems to constantly have delusions with walking mushrooms, turtles, and whatever the fuck the hammer bros. are. he also says that he either grows to giant size or shrinks every time he eats a mushroom. possibly the worst side-effect of his shroom abuse is the belief that he can shoot fire out of his hands if he eats a flower.
ReplyNot really. Mario doing drugs was funny the first, what, 700 times? its not funny anymore.
Hammer bros. are turtles, too. Just two legged ones. Most of the common baddies are turtles, with the obvious exceptions of stuff like goombas and boos.
I fucking love you Swaim.
ReplyThis is awesome. Good job once again, Swaim. Kneel before the robot heirarchy!
ReplyFuck you @ great west health insurance
Reply