Say what you want about Cracked Editor-in-Chief Jack O'Brien (communist? satanist? Belle and Sebastian enthusiast?), but I'll tell you one thing: The boy has an eye for talent. Sure, I thought my Big Book of Celebrity Sex Positions would do well, but who knew it would spend the last month shattering all records set by the Harry Potter and Girl With the Dragon Tattoo books? (Oh, I don't mean individually. Of course, all the Harry Potter and Lisbeth Salander books sold far better than mine. I'm talking about that self-published fan fiction written by a ninth grade girl in Kalamazoo, Michigan, about both characters in one fictional universe. My sex book sold better than that.)
Anyway, you know how it is with runaway success -- the people want sequels. That's probably why ol' Jackie boy offered me $25 and a Johnny Rockets coupon for free french fries to pump out this sequel. So here it is: The Big Book of Celebrity Sex Positions, Part 2!
That's not MS Paint. That's like totally the real cover!
Giving a Stevejob is an intricate process. This form of prostitution requires you to charge your partner a large initial fee for what seems to be a series of reliably delivered sex acts. Nevertheless, after about six months, you refuse to perform until an additional fee is paid for what promises to be even better sex. While getting Stevejobs can be costly, some continue to pay for them due to the promise of being virus-free.
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Introducing the Apple Condom in Beta mode. (Upgrade said to actually prevent pregnancy and will be available in about nine months.)
The method is up to you, but the mantra of the Johnny Deppin' is pleasing your lover with a series of exotic and bold choices that, ultimately, are all kind of the same.