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Timberlake Speaks Out! But at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, so Very Few People Hear.

This week's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony accomplished two important feats: giving Justin Timberlake a forum for responding to Gladstone's hateful comments about him, and bringing the debate as to whether Madonna or Leonard Cohen is a more important musical figure into the public consciousness where it belongs.

Concerning the former revelation, I'll let J.T. speak for himself. During his speech honoring Madonna, he said "she has still found time to kiss someone I may or may not have publicly kissed myself while I was in the audience," and "the world has always been full of Madonna wannabes, and I might have even dated a couple."

Well, I think we all recall last Summer, when reports of “Gladstimberlake” and their late nights clubbing clogged every national news outlet. And who could forget their famous “coming out” appearance at the MTV Movie Awards?

But enough’s enough, Gladstone. We know you’re lonely, and bitter, and that you’ve gained an enormous amount of weight since the break-up, but get over it! He’s too much man for you, okay? Moving on.

I’ve always wondered about who was the most relevant, enduring, and important musician in Rock. Naturally, after long nights of flipping through my record collection and marveling at my own retro hipness, it always came down to two clear contenders: Leonard Cohen and Madonna.

I even made this chart to try and decide:

It seemed like Cohen was winning, but then I remembered that although his songs “read” very well, most of them sound like this (wait for 1:50). Plus, I saw this headline about Madonna that really worked in her favor.

Frankly, I was so turned around about the whole thing I nearly had one of my servants commit poignant suicide on a white duvee.

But, thanks to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inducting Committee (comprised of Ace Frehly, Nigel Parry and Janis Joplin’s old pot dealer), this pressing issue may finally be dragged out into the open and, hopefully, resolved in some sort of violent deathmatch.

My thanks to you, Misters Frehly, Parry, and “Gizmo.” You have given all us music buffs some hope, and quite possibly saved my chambermaid’s life.


Vote for Michael's entry in the YOUTUBE SKETCHIES II Semi-Finals by clicking this link, then "next video" on the randomizer until you see his ("The Hot Farts"), then on the thumbs up. Complicated, isn't it? Well, do it once per day per registered youtube account.

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