Timberlake Speaks Out! But at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, so Very Few People Hear.
This week's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony accomplished two important feats: giving Justin Timberlake a forum for responding to Gladstone's hateful comments about him, and bringing the debate as to whether Madonna or Leonard Cohen is a more important musical figure into the public consciousness where it belongs.
Concerning the former revelation, I'll let J.T. speak for himself. During his speech honoring Madonna, he said "she has still found time to kiss someone I may or may not have publicly kissed myself while I was in the audience," and "the world has always been full of Madonna wannabes, and I might have even dated a couple."
Well, I think we all recall last Summer, when reports of Gladstimberlake and their late nights clubbing clogged every national news outlet. And who could forget their famous coming out appearance at the MTV Movie Awards?
But enoughs enough, Gladstone. We know youre lonely, and bitter, and that youve gained an enormous amount of weight since the break-up, but get over it! Hes too much man for you, okay? Moving on.
Ive always wondered about who was the most relevant, enduring, and important musician in Rock. Naturally, after long nights of flipping through my record collection and marveling at my own retro hipness, it always came down to two clear contenders: Leonard Cohen and Madonna.
I even made this chart to try and decide:
It seemed like Cohen was winning, but then I remembered that although his songs read very well, most of them sound like this (wait for 1:50). Plus, I saw this headline about Madonna that really worked in her favor.
Frankly, I was so turned around about the whole thing I nearly had one of my servants commit poignant suicide on a white duvee.
But, thanks to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inducting Committee (comprised of Ace Frehly, Nigel Parry and Janis Joplins old pot dealer), this pressing issue may finally be dragged out into the open and, hopefully, resolved in some sort of violent deathmatch.
My thanks to you, Misters Frehly, Parry, and Gizmo. You have given all us music buffs some hope, and quite possibly saved my chambermaids life.
Vote for Michael's entry in the YOUTUBE SKETCHIES II Semi-Finals by clicking this link, then "next video" on the randomizer until you see his ("The Hot Farts"), then on the thumbs up. Complicated, isn't it? Well, do it once per day per registered youtube account.
So, what, you're saying that most of Leonard Cohen's songs sound like Madonna? I don't think that's exactly accurate, just some of the 80s ones do.
ReplyAnd yes, he's not a good singer. Apparently on his latest album he's letting his girlfriend handle lead vocals.
I agree with Crippy Boy, but don't let it go to your head. Madonna is a marketing genius. She's made it this far, largely on her own, due to her keen insight into what people want to see and when they want to see it. With that kind of a mind, you don't need to be terribly creative.
ReplyUmmm...viva looking at things realistically? I'm not saying that Madonna is a better musician or makes better music than Cohen. I believe the opposite is true with every fiber of my crippy boy being. But compare the number of how many people who know who Leonard Cohen is to the number of how many people know who Madonna is. Tell me whose records are most likely going to be recovered from the charred remains of our civilization whenever we bite the dust? Yes, social, but not cultural, relevance be damned.
ReplyYou're right Crippy Boy. The best judge of musical importance marketability. Cultural and social relevance be damned. Viva the new revolution!
ReplyAs much as I hate to admit, I think Madonna has more musical importance than Leonard Cohen. It's true that Cohen is a musical genius with a voice that is an acquired taste, but Madonna, despite being pretentious and unable to come to grips with loss of her looks, is still way more marketable than he is. It's her image that's gotten her this far. And let's face it, people love floozies. So it's with a heavy heart that I cast a vote for that psuedo-english harpy.
ReplyHey Stiles, you lazy bastard, you get rickrolled on the LAST link.....
ReplyUm, Madonna taught all of us girls who grew up on MTV in the late 80's and early 90's how to be slutty and freaky, so all of you boys who married us should be eternally grateful to Madonna for the hot sex you are now enjoying.....
I know we're done with the Timberlake bashing, but that photo, if you squint it looks like his Chinese tattoo spells 'DIKK'.
ReplyEither there's something he's not telling us or his tattoo artist is a cruel cruel person.
On the bright side, Cohen gave Jeff Buckley "Hallelujah", one of my favorite songs, and, in my mind, one of the best songs of all time. However, when I hear Cohen's music, I can't help but think it sounds like every bad 80's pop song crammed into a few minutes.
ReplyI'll confess that there are some Madonna songs that I like, but in many cases, bad lyrics go better with good music than good lyrics go with bad music.
I think we're all forgetting that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has poor taste in selecting nominees. Guys like Alice Cooper and bands like Rush should've already been selected, but for some reason get overshadowed by overrated/underqualified musicians.
Campaign 08: Cohen Vs. Madonna.
ReplyI am going on my failsafe and write in Carol Channing.
If you look at a snapshot of them in the specific time period in which they were big, sure, but Madonna's been famous for over two decades. Daly's all but gone, Hilton's on her way out as well (I think), and I can't imagine how Seacrest's fame will continue after AI has faded. But at least he hosts a genuinely entertaining show. Bafflingly, Madonna's fame has extended beyond the 80s and early 90s, when she at least had some relatively decent pop music to lean on (and I stress "relatively"). So I'm kind of adding the weight of her longetivity to the denominator, I guess.
ReplyAs far as merit goes, ooooooh, she really rankled some stiff-necked social conservatives with her oh-so-edgy sexuality and in-your-face attitude. Her and everybody else. Big deal. People act like she was some kind of trailblazer, and I don't buy it. She was a phony then and she's a phony now.
Really?! I'm not a fan, but I believe Seacrest, Daly, and Hilton have plumbed that ratio a lot more thoroughly than Madonna.
ReplyAm I the only person who thinks Madonna sucks, and has always sucked? I doubt if there is anyone in history with a lower merit-to-fame ratio.
ReplyWhy is it that Leonard Cohen sounds alot like Jeremy Irons on that particular song. I thought I was watching a lost song from the Lion King.
ReplySo, Gladstone is sublimating his feelings for Justin Timberlake by blog-bashing him? Swaim is sublimating his feelings for Gladstone by implying that he once dated Justin Timberlake? And DOB is poorly disguising his desire for Hannah Montana with his campaign of MABisms?
ReplyThis is why I'm marrying RoWo. And why the Cracked blog is my favorite (and only) soap opera.
Eddie VEDDER. Come on Mom.
ReplyLeonard Cohen is awesome, I grew up on him, listened to him all through high school, he and Bruce Springsteen saved my life. Yeah, he sings a little slow, but the lyrics are incredibly beautiful. Just educating my little boy . . . McCabe and Mrs. Miller movie . . . Leonard Cohen soundtrack . . . as good as Eddie Vetter Into the Wild! Hallelujah!
ReplyYeah, Swaim is also incapable of getting my level of video graininess and sound distortion. Loser.
ReplyDon't give up! Your dreams are just an Amy Winehouse impression away!
ReplyBelieve me, I spent an hour trying to figure out how to just make a table in Wordpress like Gladstone does in HIS posts, but failed. I guess I'll just never be him, no matter how hard I try or age and weight I gain.
ReplyYou couldn't get rid of the Miscroscoft word spell check squiggly lines for the flow chart? Rookie mistake, Mikey Swaim...
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