Evolution's greatest accomplishments are boredom and insanity. Without those two things, would anyone have ever rewritten Eminem's "Lose Yourself" and replaced half of the lyrics with the word "spaghetti"? More importantly, would I have ever seen that video if not for Daniel O'Brien's insanity pushing him to send me that link 400 times in a two-day span? Probably. Because my own boredom would have caused me to comb YouTube at three in the morning, looking for anything to break free from the crushing grip of emotional numbness.
If you can identify with any of that, these videos will be right up your alley. They're not what a normal person would call "mainstream" comedy, and they certainly aren't basking in the spotlight. But they should be. Hopefully, we can gather enough bored, insane people to give them the attention they deserve.
Previously in this series:
#10. BLLLBLBLBLBL! BLLLBLBLBLBLBLBL!
If we're going to do this thing, we might as start with one that's balls-out stupid. I traced this video back as far as I could, and this is the earliest version I've found. If you know who owns the original, let us know in this thread (and alert us to any other pieces of hidden comedy genius you find on YouTube).
I don't know why this makes me laugh so much, but it does. Like, to the point where if you were in the room with me right now, you'd start looking up local crisis counselors juuuuuust in case. It's not just the sound that gets me ... though that's a huge reason. It's that I've been around farms my whole life, I've seen plenty of goats in my time, and I've never seen one do that before.
I can't tell if it thinks it's a turkey, or if the air just tastes phenomenal on that farm. But I'm telling you right now that if all goats made that noise, I would cease to be a writer and instantly become a goat hoarder. The next time you see two people getting into a debate on Facebook, imagine them as two of these goats up in each others' faces, doing that tongue thing. Or the next time your spouse or parent is chewing your ass for something stupid. I promise that you'll never be angry again.
The game is called Chivalry: Medieval Warfare, and what's going on is AAAAAAAHHHHHH!
I don't know whether they're using a mod or cheats or a specialized server with the gravity settings turned way down, but to be honest, I don't really care. All I care about is the end result: dozens of players shooting through the air and chopping while screaming at the top of their lungs. This is now how I imagine all wars, and I desperately want to start some shit with an easily-provoked country. I'd join the military for that.
The best part of this video is that after ten seconds, I was already in love with it. But then I looked down and saw that it's over ten minutes long, and I just completely lost it. It would be one thing if the first few seconds of the video was that, and then it moved on to regular gameplay, but nope. It's nothing but that. For ten minutes. And it is glorious. If I was forced at gunpoint to give one piece of negative feedback, it would be that it should have been ten hours.
#8. Death Metal Horse Dance
After watching this video, I realized that my taste in comedy is getting weirdly specific. Take a video of an animal doing something that looks really stupid, add some hard-driving metal as a soundtrack, and make sure the animal's movements are basically in time with the beat. Bam -- I'm laughing like an idiot.
That's key here, though: You have the have the sound on. I mean, yeah, it's funny just watching that horse do that ridiculous prancing trot thing all by itself, but when the music is playing alongside it, holy shit. Part of me thinks that the video is exactly as long as it needs to be ... the other part wants it to keep going for hours. It's the comedy video version of cocaine addiction. Your body is telling you it wants more, more, MORE! But your brain is saying, "Dude, you're going to have a fucking heart attack. Take a break and come back when you've settled down a bit."
Oh, and just to make sure that my taste in comedy was truly getting as weirdly specific as I suspected ...
Yep. Still funny.
#7. "HI BILLY MAYS HERE FOR ASDGZBFDQSJSYFDZLKXYWQMPLYB"
What happens if you put all of Billy Mays' commercials into a single video and play them simultaneously? This:
At first, it's strangely harmonious. Twenty-four copies of Billy Mays all greet you in perfect unison, using the same tone, pitch, cadence and enthusiasm. "HI, BILLY MAYS HERE!" But the second all those Billies finish their greeting, it explodes into a terrifying onslaught of chaos. It's the sound that would be created if you locked a thousand Doomsdayers in a gymnasium and then made scorpions rain from the ceiling.
It's the sound the doorbell makes at the gates of Hell. If cancer could speak, this is what it would sound like. If the Greek and Roman gods were still a thing, there would be a specific god that controlled this video. And he would be feared by all other gods. But they'd still have to deal with him every week, because he's also the god of cleaning supplies.
Sometimes, comedy just comes from knowing exactly where to cut a video in order to make the most surreal out-of-context statement. Like in the above clip, they've taken Nirvana's MTV Unplugged performance of "Come As You Are" and cut it off after the very first word. Then they tacked on the final note from the song, so it actually sounds like they purposely performed it that way.
Your first reaction might be, "LOL THEY MADE HIM SAY CUM! HAHA! Idiot." But if that's all you're hearing, then you're missing the point. Yes, it is a juvenile punchline, but the setup is perfect. The idea that the band would be warming up, tuning their instruments, getting into the mood so that they convey the right tone when Kurt starts singing -- that they'd sit down as a band and write this dumb, one-word song that abruptly ends just as the audience thinks its beginning ... man, that's genius. All that preparation for a sixth-grade joke.
I've been a fan of Nirvana since 1991, but I actually like this version of the song better than the original.