The unemployment rate in the U.S. crested 10 percent last week, a milestone which underlines the hurt last year’s economic distress has placed upon the country. Including people who are involuntarily working part time, and those who’ve stopped looking for work entirely, experts say that a whole lot of people are now becoming uneasily familiar with the Drew Carey era on The Price is Right. Grim news indeed.
Signs of desperation amongst job-seekers have been hitting the front pages with increasing regularity. Last week a man made headlines when he attempted to apply for a job while robbing a Taco Bell at gunpoint. One wonders if he thought this was the ideal way to demonstrate he possessed the rock-stupidness all Taco Bell employees are expected to have? He wasn’t even given an application though, just turned aside by a restaurant manager who was apparently in possession of some pretty serious stones. “Beat me with your bare fists, or get the fuck out,” is one hardass hiring policy.
This incident did get me to thinking though. With so many job-seekers applying for so few jobs, there’s bound to be other ways to “think outside the box” like this when applying for jobs. And if not, then surely I could do something about it, using the prestige and influence that comes with being an Internet comedy writer. Frankly, I’d be delinquent if I didn’t use my position to encourage people to rock into Taco Bells without any clothes, “weapon” in hand.
After examining the existing literature, I observed that almost everyone offering advice for interviewees was saying the exact same thing. From this, I posited that as everyone out there is receiving the same advice for job seeking, ignoring that advice entirely would be a sure way for a job-seeker to demonstrate how they were an iconoclastic young firebrand; an asset to any organization. Or get people waving their dicks around Taco Bell. For me there is no difference.
So, I compiled a list of the most common pieces of advice out there, and then using the secret powers of four cups of coffee, I flipped them on their heads to come up with a list of advice sure to land anyone a job, even losers.
_______
Conventional Advice: Research the company beforehand
Most experts recommend reviewing the company’s website before the interview, reading up on the company’s history, and their products, etc… Which is great if you’re writing a book report, or are applying for a job as the office wiener. Every other chump is going to be reading the stupid boilerplate company website, which no one in the company actually cares about.
Unconventional Advice: Research the fuck out of the company beforehand
Instead, try asking around hacker circles on the Internet for advice on how to break into the company’s servers. Look for information on the company’s financial situation, secret recipes and, in the case of Target, their history of ritual slayings tied to the Winter solstices. See if you can find out personal information about your interviewer themselves - knowing what hobbies he has and claiming you have the same is a great way to establish a bond. How strong is his marriage? Consider sleeping with his wife to establish another common bond.
“Well, I’d have to guess reading, jogging and sticking it to your wife. Ha ha ha! High five brother! Seriously though, she’s got some daddy issues, hey?”
_________
Conventional Advice: Look professional
This advice basically boils down to the single sentence: “Dress like you’ve got the job you want, or better.” Which is fine, if you want to look like every other Johnny Bowtie or Sally Pantsuit. You can do better than that.
Turning out your pants pockets for an interview is also a no-no.
Unconventional Advice: Look interesting
You want your outfit to cause your interviewer to think, “Holy shit, I bet this guy has some good stories.” The daily grind of office life can get a bit boring, so having someone in the office who’s really knowledgeable about highway rest-stop culture or your town’s Malay machete fighting scene will add a real air of excitement to the work day. Here’s some ideas for outfits that should give you an idea of the potential here:
_________
Conventional Advice: Arrive early
By arriving 10 minutes early you show that you’re punctual, and respect your interviewer’s time. Of course, you get absolutely no bonus points for doing this, but do get to sit at the front of the office for 10 minutes like a dork, reading out of date trade magazines while the receptionist avoids making eye contact with you.
Unconventional Advice: Break in to the office overnight, and sleep under a desk
By showing up for your interview way before any sane or law abiding person would, you demonstrate just how much you’re interested in this job; an interest which clearly transcends all norms of sanity or legality (Warning: this is not legally true. Or any other type of true.) More importantly, you also get a chance to imprint the office with your scent, allowing everyone to become comfortable with you before your start date. Hiring managers agree that there’s something about the fetid odor of sweat and urine which screams “team-playing self-starter.”
_________
Conventional Advice: Give a firm handshake
By giving a firm handshake, you convey confidence, and ownership of a totally-under-control drug habit.
Unconventional Advice: Touch their face
This is a little risky, but the potential pay-off is huge. As an intensely personal action, if this goes over well, you are practically guaranteed to get the job, if not a new lover. I’ll also point out that this will be miles easier if you feign blindness first. There are ethical considerations in that, but I’m not going to point them out to you, which should make them easier to ignore.
_________
Conventional Advice: Make eye contact
Maintaining eye contact during the interview is a key to looking polite, interested and responsive. Looking away or shifting your gaze about makes you look untrustworthy or European.
Unconventional Advice: Don’t blink
The eyes are the windows to the soul, and the surest way to let your interviewer see the true nature of your character. And now that you’ve stopped feigning blindness, you need to make up for lost time. Hold your interviewer’s gaze at all times, drinking in their features like a man dying of thirst. Thirst for facial features.
“You’ve got a real pretty mouth.”
_________
Conventional Advice: Ask questions about the position and company culture
By asking questions about the position and culture within the office, you stress how interested you are in the role and how you see yourself fitting in to it. This lets the interviewer know you’re more interested in the job than the money, which is one of those universal lies everyone tacitly agrees to ignore.
Unconventional Advice: Just dive right in to the company culture
See if you can find some company branded clothes on eBay, like golf shirts or windbreakers. Or just make your own. A crudely knitted sweater vest with the company logo stitched into it to shows you possess resourcefulness and crafty fingers. During the interview, show them company photographs which you’ve Photoshopped yourself in to. Show up wearing a wig made of employee’s hair. (You’ll need some prep time for this; also look for Cracked’s 85 Tips for Gathering Stranger’s Hair on bookshelves this December.)
_________
Conventional Advice: Refer to quantifiable achievements
When discussing past achievements, quantify what you did. Whether it’s time saved, money made or products created, by referencing verifiable achievements it makes you look like someone who can actually get things done, rather than someone who is solely responsible for making ass marks in chairs.
Unconventional Advice: Show, don’t tell
Any writer can tell you that showing something happened is a far more powerful way to convey it then telling the reader it happened. The same applies to job interviews. Grab something off his desk and show him how to do it better. Interviewers love this.
_________
Conventional Advice: Never criticize your past employer
By criticizing your previous employers, you can come across as bitter, angry or small. Your interviewer will wonder how you’ll speak of his company when you eventually part ways.
Unconventional Advice: Criticize the fuck out of them
But, if you’re seeking a job in the same industry as your past employment, then your previous employer is likely a competitor of this company. By demonstrating a shared dislike for this competitor, you’re sure to ingratiate yourself. Be careful you don’t come across as bitter though. Instead, you want to give the impression that you’re a concerned citizen who could no longer stand idly by with all that bestiality and sloppy accounting practices going on unreported. Don’t be afraid to exaggerate. Phrases like “laundered Nazi gold,” or “elbow deep in sheep,” help make stories memorable.
_________
Conventional Advice: When asked what your “greatest weakness” is, have a prepared answer
Everyone hates this question. Interviewers know that, and by observing the responses they get, they can form a pretty good idea of how the interviewee handles stress. The conventional wisdom is that when asked this question you should discuss a past weakness and how you overcame it. Make sure the weakness you claim isn’t critical to this job. “Can’t stand the sound of children’s laughter” is a good one, provided you’re not applying for a position at a daycare. Sorry; a reputable daycare.
Unconventional Advice: When asked what your “greatest weakness” is, break a piece of furniture with your bare hands
Because fuck weakness, that’s why. You’re strong, stronger than this chair, stronger than anyone. You’re nobody’s fool.
_________
Conventional Advice: Provide references
Many times interviewers won’t even check references, or if they do, make only cursory phone calls. This is mostly just meant to verify that you haven’t made up your resume entirely, or that you’ve at least made the effort to brief accomplices on the accents they’ll need to imitate when verifying your back story.
Unconventional Advice: You don’t need any references…
…because right now the interviewer is thinking: “Holy Shit, this guy just kicked a chair in half. He is definitely getting this job.”
_________
This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 10th, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under Economy, Jobs, The Economy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Undercover as a Twilight Fan At 'New Moon' Opening Night
10 Job Hunting Strategies Guaranteed to Get You Arrested
Why We Should Be Terrified of the 2012 Apocalypse
11 Cracked Lifehacking Tips
A Compelling Argument For Unemployment: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
CNN.com Readers More Infuriating Than Cracked Readers (And That’s Saying Something)
The American Recession as Explained by a Canadian
How Can We Be In A Recession If We’ve Got So Much Money?
Save the Banks, Shoot the Bankers
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
November 27th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Breaking a chair in half would be an instance of “show, not tell”.
Weaknesses: No self-control, way too much testosterone/aggression, possible inferiority complex, may not know his own strength, possibly psychotic…
November 27th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
[...] } Try this interview guide to stand out from the crowd [Nota Bene: cussin']! Because sometimes the only way to get noticed is [...]
November 27th, 2009 at 1:42 am
[...] Kurzem bin auf was witziges gestoßen was ich euch nicht vorenthalten wollte: In dieser Bewerbungshilfe findet ihr äußerst „wertvolle“ Ratschläge zum Thema Bewerbung und [...]
November 25th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Bucholz is FUCKING GOD.
November 19th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Awesome.
November 17th, 2009 at 8:54 am
@Digtrio
Indeed.
November 17th, 2009 at 12:36 am
“Because fuck weakness, that’s why. You’re strong, stronger than this chair, stronger than anyone. You’re nobody’s fool.”
This is why I come to this site.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Fucking gold, as always! Keep it coming Bucholz!
November 16th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
i want to marry cracked.com. no, seriously. i can make grilled cheese and run a dishwasher. eh?
November 14th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Thouroughly enjoyed this - especially wearing company clothing to the interview and breaking into the office the night before.
Can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to cave in the faces of interviewing teams in matching windbreaker jackets while they derisively smirk and convene to judge you.
Don’t understand why I’m still unemployed…
November 13th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
Loved the advice, Mr. Bucholz. Will take it all to heart as I look for a new job.
November 13th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
@ Tuketi, yeah I think you’re right, that does look like Swaim.
Very funny article. Thanks!
November 12th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
@Marv: Preach, brother.
November 12th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
“… in the case of Target, their history of ritual slayings tied to the Winter solstices.”
It’s called the Reindeer Run and HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?
November 12th, 2009 at 7:42 am
FUCK YEAH i’m totally fucking going to break a fucking chair in half!1!!!1
November 12th, 2009 at 3:10 am
I almost died when you wrote “Can’t stand the sound of children’s laughter” as a weakness, because I’ve used that one at least twice.
November 12th, 2009 at 1:08 am
Hello everyone,
I found a great dating site______C l a s s y M i n g l e.c o m_____
The best dating club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs..
what’s the most important is:you dont have to be a millionaire.but you can meet one.
I think everyone need to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy .You should check it out!!!
November 12th, 2009 at 12:39 am
The best response to weakness:
do better.
November 11th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
My biggest weakness? Kittens.
November 11th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Recently, I came across an age-gap site called __Agegapmingle @ com__ It’s a nice- free- place- for Younger Women-Older Men, or Older Women-Younger Men to interact with each other. Age gap is not problem there. You may check out or tell your friends.
November 11th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
The eyes at the end look like Swaim, but maybe it’s just me.
November 11th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
This has got to be the funniest shit ever written on the internet. My eyes are leaking. lol. I damn near punctured a lung reading this. Props to the author.
November 11th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
that was hilarious, first time I read something on this site that made me laugh this hard in a long time
November 11th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
better article than the garbage o’brian is shitting out
November 11th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Damn, I think I interviewed this guy. I’m still seeking therapy.
November 11th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
The real best response for weaknesses: Kryptonite.
November 11th, 2009 at 11:59 am
I think those are Mr. Bucholz’s own eyes though.
November 11th, 2009 at 11:57 am
The last photo has the eyes of Wil Wheaton. A very intense Wil Wheaton.
November 11th, 2009 at 10:04 am
[...] If you really want to read something new about jobs and employment, check out this post by the fine folks at Cracked.com. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Happy Labor [...]
November 11th, 2009 at 9:37 am
The best response for weakness
bullets
November 11th, 2009 at 7:02 am
Turned up at a job interview today still drunk from the night before. Ironically, the application was for ‘Bargain Booze’. Totally got the job
November 11th, 2009 at 2:55 am
Very sound advice. Should have been spellchecked, though.
November 11th, 2009 at 2:15 am
Imma quit my job, re-apply for the same position just so i can take the interview and do it like this HAHAHHAHa
I dont need references lol
November 11th, 2009 at 1:37 am
Fucking fantastic! Loved that last one. “You don’t NEED any references.”
November 11th, 2009 at 12:26 am
Fucking hilarious, I have a job, but maybe for fun I’ll go out to some interviews. Just to try this shit out. But you never mentioned the best way, bring your own booze and women. Because really that’s just the best way to get a job.
November 11th, 2009 at 12:20 am
It does well to reveal to reveala previous employer’s past mistakes. Like the time that Target forgot to take all the bodies out of their pre-loved tuxedo’s section. Boy, was my managers face red!
November 10th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
excellent!
A++++++++++
November 10th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Fucking Brilliant
November 10th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
“When asked what your “greatest weakness” is, break a piece of furniture with your bare hands”
That would be the greatest interview ever! I would hire someone if they followed all the steps above for sure!
November 10th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
AWESOME !!!!
November 10th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
I guess I wasn’t wrong in telling Target that Wal-Mart “forgot to hide the bodies.”
November 10th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Dammnit, I laughed so hard a ramen noodle came out of my nose.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
haha, loved the ending.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
I LOL’D
November 10th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
“Because fuck weakness, that’s why. You’re strong, stronger than this chair, stronger than anyone. You’re nobody’s fool.”
best lines ever!!!!!!
November 10th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
So funny, I spat out my drink when I saw “Don’t blink”.
November 10th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
[...] 10 Job Hunting Strategies Guaranteed To Get You Arrested Cracked [...]
November 10th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Hahaha, is that Swaim in the last picture?
November 10th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Honestly, if you think you have a chance at getting a job by dressing as a ninja, go for it! Do you want some piece of shit job you have to give a relentless stream of rimmers for or do you want a job where you can just be yourself?
November 10th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Another gold article, funniest post since the ‘Mode of Transport’
November 10th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Okay, that was great. Just great all over the place, and dripping a pantload of greatness. Also, can I get a copy of that image of Swaim? I’m sure it would go over well as a watermark on my resume.
November 10th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
”Don’t blink” : awesome advice.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
When the interviewer asks, “Why do you think you are qualified for this position?” I just drop my pants and show them my qualifications.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
Dude, that was so effing funny. Great stuff.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
At first I was like tl;dr, but then I did read, and I couldn’t stop! >< This is amazing stuff
November 10th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
“elbow deep in sheep”
i nearly peed.
November 10th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Another discouraged response to the “greatest weakness” question: “Women.” Especially if the interviewer/boss is a woman. But what are the odds of that ever happening?
November 10th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
This was actually really funny!
“Laundered Nazi gold”
November 10th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
I’m currently at an internship with a chinese company, and i just made the entire office turn around and stare at the crazy westerner laughing at his desk.
Well done, Mr. Bucholz, well done.
November 10th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
I love it when people remove themselves from the gene pool by “hating children.” Makes more room for _my_ DNA. And the good Lordy knows, I am a DNA spreading mofo.
November 10th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
this was awesome
November 10th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
at first i thoughtthis article would suck, but then i started reading the titles for each section and my ass fell off from laughter
November 10th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Fuck weakness!!!!! Yeah!!!!
November 10th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Best article I’ve read in a while. Brilliant, Bucholz.
November 10th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
I also lost it at “don’t blink”. Fuck your funny Bucholz
November 10th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I JUST GOT A JOB TODAY! Using the conventional advice, obviously.
November 10th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
That last picture is hilarious. What the hell kinda cat is that? A cheetah?
November 10th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
I lost it at Don’t Blink
A good article
November 10th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Gotta love this here Bucholz wisdom.
November 10th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
AHAHAHAHAHAH Goddamnit! i just imagined some overweight whackjob in a feces covered batman costume breaking a desk while screaming FUCK WEAKNESS.
Made my day XD
November 10th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Ive been reading cracked everyday for about a year now and this is the funniest article I have seen on this site! MORE PLEASE!!!
November 10th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
It would be soooo funny if any of these worked.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
One of my friends told me that he once went to a job interview by borrowing a ladder and climbing through the window into the interview room. And I wish to fuck he’s gotten that job, because it would’ve made the story so much more awesome.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
That was AWESOME Bucholz! I was failing so hard at strangling my laughter that I ended up waking my roomate!
November 10th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
http://www.nicejulia.com/?id=213944
November 10th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
By the way,
I have it on good authority that DOB used several of these strategies to land his job on Cracked.
He probably used the one I outlined a few comments ago as well.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
I’m never using any generic internet pussy advices again.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
yunblinkingly will now be my safe word.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
almost pee my pants, lucky amost cause i’m in the office
November 10th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Wish I’d read this before I went to my interview just this morning. It went good, but I’m sure it would have gone even better if I did a karate yell and kicked the table in half.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
So brilliant, the unemployment rate will drop back to 0.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Well done, very funny
November 10th, 2009 at 11:25 am
There was a guy in London who put his resume on a sandwich board and walked round the streets in it, and he got offered a job in something like two hours. I can’t believe you didn’t mention that story. Next time, be sure you do.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Bucholz, I made it my personal mission to completely forget what day it is that you post. This is because I like to surprise myself when I get up Tuesday morning/afternoon/post-previous sacrifical orgy and celebrate this wonderful present of comedy by holding another sacrificial orgy (we sacrifice three viriginities in your glorious name). I know, it’s not standard Canadian size but finding eight a week is getting hard. Please continue to impress me in this way and I will get back to you on how my future boss reacts to my midnight arrival as well as Ironman costume. Baby steps.
November 10th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Helixdaunting, you might want to wait until the efects of whatever you’re on rub off, because that woman looks nothing like Swaim. If anything, she looks like a thicker, even-more-feminine DOB.
November 10th, 2009 at 10:30 am
“Really? I only see three strategies that will get you arrested. Cracked dissapoints me for once.”
Clayton, breaking into a worplace at night, naked and covered in feces, and then breaking furniture won’t get you arrested where you live? How much’s a ticket to your homeland?
November 10th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Great article, but you forgot the number one rule of job interviews.
Always go to an interview drunk. Maybe I’m just speaking from personal experience, but I find that I’m a lot funnier, wittier, and entertaining when I’m drunk - all of which are charismatic qualities that are key to landing a job.
You get bonus points if you bring booze with you and offer some to the interview. This is what is known in the business as being a “team player.”
November 10th, 2009 at 10:23 am
I’m offended! Why it is always a white guy who wears the burglar mask? Why not a black guy or a hispanic guy?
November 10th, 2009 at 10:14 am
This was effing hilarious. Amazing.
November 10th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Of course I meant the fourth image from the bottom. Damn drugs…
November 10th, 2009 at 10:12 am
Forget about the last image, is that Swaim dressed as a woman in the second to last image?
November 10th, 2009 at 10:01 am
This is the funniest thing you’ve ever written! I’m going to frame this, and spam it to the entire world.
Break in to the office overnight, wig of human hair, breaking furniture … bets advice EVER!
November 10th, 2009 at 9:59 am
i do believe i just shat myself enough to entirely cover my body…..your the best Bucholz!!!
November 10th, 2009 at 9:52 am
additionally ; bowler/top hats add some class to any amount of fecal spattered attire.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:48 am
That was fucking hilarious
This is why your the best columnist
Keep it up!!!
November 10th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Great!! LOL I interview a lot of people and just thinking of any of these hthings happening cracked me up…and you know what, some of them I may even look for in some candidates…LIke FUCK WEAKNESS!!
Very smart, thanks for sharing it
regards
aureliano
November 10th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Can we break the interviewers neck instead?
November 10th, 2009 at 9:20 am
hilarious and clever. and i think it says something social-science-y crucial about human behaviour but i had too much fun to think about it.
November 10th, 2009 at 8:37 am
That sh*t was funny!!!
Nice one, bucholz!
“When asked what’s your weakness, break a piece of furniture, F*CK WEAKNESSES!”
lmao!!! had me crackin up
November 10th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Peter (to himself): *stares @ desk picture of interviewer’s hot wife* Don’t say doin’ you wife, don’t say doin’ your wife…
Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Peter: Doin’ your-uh-son?
November 10th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Really? I only see three strategies that will get you arrested. Cracked dissapoints me for once.
November 10th, 2009 at 8:09 am
Good article, cheers.
November 10th, 2009 at 8:04 am
Sleeping under a desk…uncomfortable but totally worth it
November 10th, 2009 at 8:00 am
i went to my last interview dressed like colonel sanders. the position was director of business development at the NAACP. i think the lady in HR actually changed her email address to avoid me. i did not, however, get arrested. so its kind of a win win.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:41 am
It’s time for a little “Good Idea, Bad Idea!” Great article!
November 10th, 2009 at 7:14 am
When I lose my job for wasting time reading Cracked.com, I’m definitely breaking into the first company that grants me an interview dressed as a ninja covered in feces (local politician’s) and company logos, gently caressing the interviewer’s face while screaming about how much I hate my current (well, former) employer, then smashing his (or her) office furniture, while staring into his eyes yunblinkingly and discussing his spouse’s sexual fetishes. I’m sure to get the job!
Umm… are you hiring at Cracked.com?
November 10th, 2009 at 7:14 am
Is that Swaim in the final image?
November 10th, 2009 at 7:14 am
As I was reading it was entertaining, then I hit don’t blink, and shithit the fan, everything after that had me rolling.
I fucking cried dude!
Amazing
November 10th, 2009 at 7:06 am
Great advice. I’ll be sure to try this at my interview and let you know how it goes later today.
November 10th, 2009 at 6:59 am
Sad thing is the unemployment rate should actually be higher; they only count who’s receiving benefits, not the people whose benefits have run out but are still unemployed.
November 10th, 2009 at 6:37 am
Here is a great place——- Cougarmatching.com ——- It’s a premiere cougar dating community for older women seeking younger men and young men seeking cougars. Come in and stay a while. Post a message, a picture of yourself and check out the hot photo galleries. You will find someone you like here…
November 10th, 2009 at 6:27 am
beautiful!
November 10th, 2009 at 6:08 am
I am losing my job in two weeks, this is the best advice I could ever ask for.
On a serious note, there is definitely somethings to be said for not being the same as everyone else. Like you said, everywhere gives the same advice these days. So although this was freaking hilarious it has started me thinking more creatively about my interview technique.
“Because fuck weakness, that’s why. You’re strong, stronger than this chair, stronger than anyone. You’re nobody’s fool.” Will definitely be a new internal mantra to keep my confidence up during interviews.
Along with the occasional “What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentation of their women.” Another solid lump of Bucholz
gold.
November 10th, 2009 at 6:03 am
I’m not sure ‘not blinking’ is going to get me arrested, but I can tell you that really unnerves professors!
Good one Bucholz!
November 10th, 2009 at 5:57 am
Holy shite, I am going to get a new job in weeks with advice like this.
November 10th, 2009 at 5:45 am
Great article Bucholz
November 10th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Hilarious article. Any job that hires me after dressing up as Snake-eyes though is a job I want. In fact, if I’m ever in human resources, I’m going to tell all potential employees to do that and hire them based on whether they chose comic book, cartoon, or movie Snake-Eyes. I’m not revealing here what gets you hired in case anybody tries to work for my company.
November 10th, 2009 at 5:40 am
Not your best CB. But it’ll do.
November 10th, 2009 at 5:34 am
Don’t forget to tell your interviewer(s), potential co-workers, and any customers or clients within earshot about how you finally kicked meth (last month).
November 10th, 2009 at 5:25 am
Died of laughter. In case that wasn’t clear.
November 10th, 2009 at 5:25 am
‘Break a piece of furniture with your bare hands’ is my new answer for everything.
You’re paying for my lawyer, Bucholz.
November 10th, 2009 at 5:25 am
“Because fuck weakness, that’s why. You’re strong, stronger than this chair, stronger than anyone. You’re nobody’s fool.”
I just died.
November 10th, 2009 at 5:20 am
This was fantastic. One of the better articles of late.
November 10th, 2009 at 4:56 am
Brilliant brilliant brilliant, well done sir