10 Things That Pissed Me Off About CNN The Other Night
So here's a fun little quiz for you! The other night I was watching Larry King Live. Why? I'm not sure. It probably had something to do with my testicle clamp being in the shop. Anyway, in less than a minute worth of show, I found no fewer than 10 people or things that pissed me off. I think that's pretty incredible. Here. Why don't you take a look at the clip and see if you can name them all before reading the answers below.
1. Larry King. I hate him. I've always hated him. He simply does not listen to a word that comes out of his guests' mouths. That's worse than being stupid or lazy. It's downright rude. Oh, but he is stupid and lazy. See number 8 below.
2. "Is this the last year of American Idol?" Why are we discussing this on a news show?
3. Simon Cowell. Colossal douchebag who is so easy to make fun of that I will refrain. This was a gimme.
4. Ryan Seacrest (See 3)
5. Randy Jackson (See 3)
6. Paula Abdul (See 3)
7. "Kidding!" Get it? He said the opposite of what he meant. Isn't that the kind of joke 5 year olds tell? "The teacher said you were in trouble" "Really?" "No. . . Kidding!"
8. Larry King isn't sure if Simon is joking. Really? Really?! Where's the confusion? Was it when he threw his hands up and shouted "kidding!" Seriously, what is wrong with you?
9. At least two more years of American Idol? Why? Why? No one has had a sustainable career coming off that show. Let me rephrase that. No man has had a sustainable career coming off that show. It is not designed to create rock stars or even pop stars. It is designed to pad the resumes of people destined to do local theater. Clay Aiken is in Spamalot now. Spamalot and he should count himself lucky that Eric Idle deigned to have him in his production. In 5 years, it's all about Carnival Cruises, opening up for Kathy Lee Gifford. And don't get me started on Daughtry. Is that his name? I refuse to even look that up. I promise you his next record tanks. Guaranteed. Yeah, there are some Idol women with pop careers now right? That blonde chick. And the other one? I'm not sure. I'm not a 14 year old girl.
10. Stop complaining you whiny bitch. Everyone hates their job. Everyone. But yours is easy and you get paid millions of dollars to do it. You think I like picking up Lex Friedman's tasteful collection of macs, chapeaus, and other assorted fine head gear from the local haberdashery? No? Did I actually WANT to go to Jack O'Brien's "come as your favorite Star Wars CGI character" costume party? Of course, not. (And Jack, Darth Maul is NOT a CGI character and if by "scary" you meant "willing to experiment sexually" then yes you looked very, very "scary.") But it's my job. And Simon, you have a job too. One that will keep you in tight, black, man-breast hugging shirts forever so shut up and stop whining about it.
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Simon Cowell is quite possibly my least favorite person on the planet. Whereas all the Idol fantards think he's the best judge, he literally does nothing except call people fat, say "dreadful", and cream his pants over the people Nigel Lythgoe told him to cream his pants over. Even Randy and Paula are better at actually judging than he. And yes, I am aware of what I just said there.
Replyso this is how the infamous gladstone started his career.
ReplyWhy did I log in one day to find that gladstone had disappeared from the columnists thingy? Was he fired or something? I can't find his profile, and all I can do is read his old articles.
ReplyIs this the first bare-bones of HBN?! Wow, i have discovered an amazing artifact!
ReplyNow I hate Simon Cowell even more. I didn't read the article first, as per suggestion, and I actually thought that they weren't going to make another one of these shitfests. Goddamnit, now I have to turn to heroin to console myself.
ReplyFuck you, Simon Cowell. Goddamn beaver.
hmm it looks like hate by numbers was born here.
Reply[...] Cracked - 10 Things That Pissed Me Off About CNN The Other Night [...]
ReplyProof that King is a mental midget....did you see that interview with Paul & Ringo? King: What makes Paul such a good bass player" Ringo: "His playing is very melodic" King: "What does that mean?" Ringo: "Umm...it means it's melodic" I tuned in briefly to hear what these guys had to say and was sorry as hell I wasted those three minutes. embarrasing. King is a piece of shit....someone on this earth explain how he continues to have his own show or why guests show up on it. Please?
ReplyNot to get off the vital subject of who called whom a bad name in this endless string, but:
ReplyWell done.
The thing I hate most about CNN (other than its omnipresence at the airport on every screen) is that nobody has skinned everyone who works and speaks for CNN and worn them as a pullover sweater. Yet. But as someone said in this string: "never say never".
Probably hot lesbian monkey sex, Vicki and can I watch?
ReplyI just found this girl on a free and hot celeb dating club'RichMatchMaki ng.c om............But I am curious about what kinds of relationships she was looking for.
ReplyI was going to go, but some Teabag Ninja slashed my tires the morning of the audition. Also, I've never heard defenseless dogs referred to as "promiscuous teenage girls."
ReplyNo biggie. The word "dork" is traditionally used to describe a guy. I'm not technically proficient enough to be considered and nerd and I don't know of any other synonyms that are used specifically for women. Can "dweeb" be considered gender non-specific ? Does any one know of any words that might solve this dilemma ?
Replyah, sorry lbh.
Reply@lbh It was the cut head of the Roadrunner or Wile E. humping the Roadrunner. I went gruesome.
ReplyShe's a She Gladstone.
What kind of middle aged dork knows the FTW abbreviation? Very impressive, sir.
ReplyI wouldn't say "bad". Although a little gruesome, that kinda rocks. Then again, I'm a middle aged dork.
ReplyC. and I was incredibly drunk when I got B and it really made sense at the time.
ReplyThe tattoo on my right shoulder was done after much thought and it is still as bad. It's
Wile E. Coyote holding the severed head of the Roadrunner and it says "NEVER SAY NEVER"
around it.
A. Tattoo of retarded, inbred male of indeterminate age
ReplyB. Tattoo of musical instrument that creates a really bad visual pun
I still say "A." FTW.
@ lbh, Banjo boy was from Georgia hence that would not make much sense as it has been pointed out in this comment section that I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee.
Reply