#5. "Champagne Taste" by Univore
This is one of those rare videos that's so bad, you initially think it's been set up that way on purpose. Like maybe they're fishing for a Rebecca Black type of viral explosion or something. But looking at their "about" page, you realize that Univore is totally sincere as a musical group and has in fact released three albums.
The video itself is a triathlon of bad lip-syncing, horrible music, and some of the worst effects you're likely to ever see ... but I can't stop watching it. It's five minutes and 15 seconds of pure, unapologetic sadism, punishing you for ever having the tenacity to enjoy music as a whole. And yet, three days after seeing the video, I still find myself cleaning my house while singing, "Oh no! I shouldn't be driving this car!"
#4. History's Most Spiteful Fart
OK ... let me be clear right off that normally I'm not a big fan of fart humor. But goddamnit, there's something special about this video. I think it's the fact that it's not set up as comedy. This poor bastard has just come out of a colonoscopy, and he's drugged out of his mind. His wife (I'm assuming it's his wife) reminds him of the doctor's instructions that he needs to "pass gas." She asks a few questions, and the exchange is fairly normal -- and then out of the blue, he rolls over, stares directly into the camera, and busts ass.
For a really long time.
It's the way that he does it that just kills me. The look on his face. It's almost angry -- spiteful. It's as if a lifetime of mistreatment and oppression had finally caught up with him, and this was his one chance to make things right. It was his stand against Goliath. It was his Rocky moment. At that moment, every underdog in the world stood and cheered, not quite knowing why they were doing it. But I feel that deep in their hearts, they knew. We all knew.
#3. Flopping Bird
If this doesn't instantly make your day better, no doctor in the world can cure the part of you that's broken.
It's a bird that's discovered itself in the reflective protector on the bottom of a door. And just like I do when I see myself in the mirror, it starts violently flopping, watching as the other bird mocks it from beyond our mortal plane. I don't know if it's doing a mating dance or trying to fight it ... hell, maybe it actually realizes that's a reflection and it's just playing. Regardless of the reason, watching that bird flop on its back is one of my newfound joys in life.
And while we're on the subject, not much beats the angry tap-dancing bird in a bag:
My favorite part of that is watching him tap dance his way out of the bag as if to trick the camera into thinking he was going to stop biting the lens. And just when the camera thought it was safe, it charges back in to bite some more. "You thought I was done, bitch?! EAT BEAK!"
#2. Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows
The video's description is "I find this song very calming." I don't want to ruin this one for you, so hit the play button and enjoy.
#1. Rapping Eggs
If you read through enough of these articles, you'll find that I have a deep respect for people who make their videos just long enough to stick the joke, and then they're right back out again. There's no need to linger on something when it's only worth nine seconds. But compress it down to that nine seconds ... It's some eggs. They're rapping. Really fast. It's fucking genius.