Like many of you, I'm a huge fan of comedy that hasn't been jammed up our asses by every link-happy dipshit on Facebook until we're puking memes. So last year, I gave tribute to some of YouTube's best hidden gems, many of which have gone on to become massive hits of their own ... like the "Party Rock Cantina" video, which had 17,000 views as of the publication of that article, and now sits at 3.2 million. I think it's time to spread the word on some more, because the thought of some of these people not getting their fair share of the limelight just seems kind of unjust and cruel.
There is no goddamn reason in the world that video should make me laugh, but I will lose it every single time I watch it. Which is to say about 75 times since it was first posted back in 2008. It took five years for that thing to reach a million views, and that kind of makes me sad. If you're one of those people who has to be prompted to turn your sound on when you watch a video, you're definitely in the wrong article, but I'll give you a heads up with this one, because it's not just an insane dog spaz-barking at the camera. They've dropped out the sound and replaced it with Steve Carell's nut-busting freak-out scene from Bruce Almighty. It's so stupid and simple, but holy shit, does it work.
Now, normally, I hate the idea of someone taking another person's original joke and just reproducing it over another video, because to me that just boils down to "Look, I can do that, too!" But I'm making an exception for this one, because someone found a cow speed-licking the air and turned it into comedy gold. My only complaint is that this one isn't six hours long:
Explain to me how the world is a fair and just place when this video, uploaded in 2005, sits at only 1,200 views. No, there wasn't any creativity involved, but goddammit, tell me how a person can watch that video of that guy laughing that hard while riding that camel and not immediately show it to everyone they know and love. Because when I first saw this thing, I was in one of the worst moods of my life. My back was hurting, I was pushing through the day on two hours of sleep, I was hungry, and the last thing I wanted to do was sit down and try to write comedy. Then I watched that guy, and 23 seconds later, the world was fine again.
Just listen to him totally lose it when that camel stands up and takes off. The way his camera just jets around in all directions, combined with his uncontrollable joy, make it impossible for him to keep focused. I could sincerely watch a 20-minute video of that. And if he is that jovial in everyday life, I would give a lot to take him to an amusement park for a day. Just hanging out and soaking up as much of that as my brain could handle before I burst into a cloud of confetti and candy like a pinata made out of happy.
I'm cheating just a tad with this one, because it already has 1.7 million views. However, I'm not just directing attention to this specific video. Yes, it's funny in its own right -- a guy showing you how to make a "delicious chocolate milkshake" by speed-chucking ingredients all over his counter in total silence. Then violently smashing an egg into the mixture at the end. But consider the milkshake video sort of a primer that prepares you for the rest of his stuff. Like "How to Play the Keyboard":
Or pretty much anything on the entire channel.
Of course, I couldn't mention how-to videos without bringing up one of my all-time favorites: "How to Make Any Spring Airsoft Gun Semi-Auto." Make sure you stick around for the ending.
I'd love to give credit to the original owner of the video, but it's long since been removed. I'm assuming it's because his or her vacuum became sentient, ate everyone in the house, and then deleted the video in hopes of covering its birth into our realm. As the title suggests, when the owner turns off the vacuum, it makes a noise eerily close to Chewbacca's famous growling. But what makes me laugh the most is that every time they demonstrate this, they flash a photo of Chewy. And every time they do a new one, I laugh harder and harder. I'm convinced that if they had made this a five-minute video, I'd be in the hospital right now.
I've seen some trolling in my time, but none that comes close to what this guy did when he grabbed his video camera, his trumpet, and his enormous set of balls. Because he wasn't doing his trolling in the anonymous recesses of the Net. No, he brought his out into the real world. At a parade. During a fucking military procession.
He waited until the band was passing by and leading up to another song, and then before they could get the first note out, he began blasting the most horrible trumpet any of them were likely to have ever heard. The kind of trumpet you expect to hear at a fourth grade recital. This guy's look says more than I ever could:
That's the look of a man who's thinking, "One more note, and I swear to you that the next time you take a shit, it'll sound like a mariachi band is trying to escape your asshole." Oh, speaking of bad music ...