A brazen advance from someone close will leave you reeling, but don"t take it too hard - cousins used to fornicate openly before science was invented.
Your celebrity crush would definitely hook up with you, if the two of you ever met and you had a gun.
There's more to life than having sex ... is what you should keep telling yourself to justify your situation.
Now that spring is here, the weather is warming and minds will wander. It's that awesome time of year when you start to see more and more revealing clothing on people you'll never get to sleep with.
You're at high risk for sex-related injuries this week, Gemini, so don't forget to exchange insurance information with all your partners.
Though it's always true, this month you may forget that nearly every dance move that got you laid in the '80s will have the opposite effect in 2012. Just don't.
The new moon on April 21, your chances of crossing paths with an old flame increase. Take appropriate action, Libra, which could mean cleaning your house and getting a haircut or it could mean calling your lawyer to see when the restraining order expires, depending on which former lover shows up.
The whole sex thing just isn't working out for you, so maybe we should talk about other aspects of your life. So ... finance! Your financial outlook is actually good, Pisces, but not good enough to change your sexual outlook.
Installing mirrors on your ceiling is a nice, sexy idea to spice things up for you. That is, until the hauntings start.
With the sun paralleling Mars on the 22nd ... Is it just us or do some of these astrology terms sound sexual? And if they don't sound sexual, why not? Let's spice things up, astrologers. We have to do something.
You're not feeling very attractive this month, so why not try a new hairstyle or buy a new outfit? Because your instincts are dead right and you've got to do something.
The good news is your territorial nature that has troubled past relationships will finally work to your advantage. The bad news is it will be during a game of capture the flag, not in a relationship at all.
Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

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