3 Disturbing Dark Secrets Behind 'Seen On TV' Products

3 NutriBullets Don't Work (Oh, And Also They Apparently Can Maim You)

The NutriBullet is pitched as a quick counter to all of our Slim Jim and Mountain Dew binges. Yes, surely the lone obstacle preventing us from consuming more kale and celery was that we couldn't choke it down in convenient slurry form.

David Wolfe, the brains behind the NutriBullet, has some bold claims for his product. Don't believe them -- and not just because he gave himself the middle name "Avocado," apparently exaggerates his qualifications, thinks chemtrails are real, and believes vaccines are a poisonous conspiracy. Although those are also good reasons.

Wolfe insists that pulverizing veggies to a soup-like consistency is an anti-aging method, but the fact that it semi-liquefies the fiber in these foods defeats some of the purpose of consuming them. Your body is designed to break down raw fiber, and by having a machine pre-chew your food, you're taking those benefits out of your diet for no particular reason. Blended food also essentially has more calories, because your body isn't doing any work to break it down, and unblended plants also increase satiety, which wards off sensations of hunger. If the point of the NutriBullet is to help people lose weight, then letting them consume more calories in less time and more often is profoundly stupid.

Oh yeah, and 22 people sued Wolfe's company in 2017, on account of the machine's penchant for exploding. The problem seems to be that when the NutriBullet heats up, it can cause the liquid inside to rupture the fragile glass casing, spraying the hot contents and glass shards at unsuspecting users.

According to complaints, using the machine for over a minute is a good way to transform your juicer into an IED, as one of the more gruesome complaints details second-degree burns and dislodged blades slicing through a man's nerves and ligaments. As the victim described it, "the meat was kind of hanging out" after his device detonated. Although "it'll make your meat hang out" is a pretty good slogan for a nutritional product.

2 Trendy Charcoal Face Peels Will Severely Hurt Your Skin

The latest trend in the health and beauty industry is a charcoal face peel. It's a mask of black gunk that's supposed to "remove blackheads, cleanse pores, and absorb excess oil," all while making you look like a racist who's bad with makeup. But these masks have serious problems beyond the fact that they're painful to remove, because using them is like dumping rubber cement on your face.

Despite the ad's claims, what's actually removed is not the blackhead itself, but the sebaceous filaments, which are neither harmful nor the cause of acne outbreaks. By stripping away a layer of skin and oil, you dry your face out, making it susceptible to pollutants, rashes, infections, and even permanent scarring. Those with darker complexions also face a risk of hyperpigmentation, or permanent skin lightening.

Dermatologists advise avoiding DIY charcoal peels in favor of visiting a real spa or a licensed professional for safe skin treatments. The unlicensed charcoal peels you see sold on TV and online are worse than doing nothing, because they're removing a layer of skin that you probably need. And while we're not licensed medical professionals, Cracked's general advice is and has always been "Keep as much of your skin as possible."

1 MyPillow Was Invented By A Coke Addict Who Couldn't Sleep

Clean-cut Midwesterner Mike Lindell uses his infomercial to babble on about pillow density, cervical alignment, and "big pillow companies." Damn you, Fluffmart, you're destroying the world.

And it's working! The guy is raking in cash ... despite a court settlement over unsupported claims of the pillow's health benefits and an F rating from the Better Business Bureau for complaints about misleading statements / lies about sales, warranties, product appearance, and overall quality. But hey, if you can't trust your health to a man who thinks your ulna is in your neck, who can you trust?

And all of his incredible success is the result of a Requiem For A Dream-style descent into self-annihilation via drug abuse. See, Lindell (according to his own words) had already failed at a series of get-rich quick schemes, like card counting and pig farming(?), in part because he was an admitted "hardcore cocaine addict." Following a late-night dream in 2003 in which the words "My Pillow" were scrawled all over his house, Lindell became convinced he'd seen a vision from God, who is really phoning in the visions these days.

Business started slow, and Lindell's lingering cocaine habit cost him both his house and his marriage. He claimed in an interview that he was such a wreck that even his dealers refused him more drugs until he ended a two-week bender and got some sleep. Between an intervention and a renewed religious conviction, he was able to get his addiction in check, and only then did Lindell's business finally pick up. He made that infamous infomercial and built himself a $300 million empire, all thanks to sleepless coke hallucinations -- or, uh, God.

Note: A previous incarnation of this article included an entry about Wen Hair Care products, you can read the details of that story here, or see the FDA's statement on the subject here.

For more, check out 5 Common Household Products (That Have Crazy Dark Secrets) and 7 Things You Have In Your Home With Insane Secret Histories.

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