Movies have taught you all about various alien encounter scenarios. After first contact, we'll either be invaded like in Independence Day, enslaved like in Falling Skies, enslave them like in District 9, enter into a golden age of shared information like in Star Trek: The Next Generation, or maybe just bone them like in the original Star Trek. But in reality, alien contact would look very different from what you've seen in pop culture. For example...
5 Aliens Won't Look Like Us At All, Much Less Be Bone-Worthy
The two most important questions humanity has asked upon observing the vast infinity of the cosmos are: "Is there anyone else out there? And if so, are they fuckable?"
Though Star Trek explored whole new worlds, it was spectacularly uncreative when it came to designing the aliens who lived on them. Imagine how disappointing it must have been to discover our galactic neighbors looked like totally normal people with slightly dumber haircuts than usual. On the plus side, you can generally assume your parts are compatible ...
Unfortunately for any aspirations you might have for some intergalactic boning, real aliens are unlikely to appear as anything you'd be remotely interested in grinding hips with, assuming they even have hips, instead of flangeblatts or something.
"Great! Now unsheathe your penis horns while I excrete the lubricating acid."
In fact, ignore aliens for a moment and think about the creatures on Earth that have advanced intelligence independent of the human family tree. We're talking things like dolphins, dogs, octopuses, and birds -- animals that look absolutely nothing alike, much less like us. And that's just Earth. Intelligent creatures evolving elsewhere in the galaxy could look like absolutely anything, and the one thing we can almost certainly rule out is that they'll be sexy.
Why? Because what we find sexy is what our species evolved to find sexy. You (probably) don't get turned on when you see a hippo violently evacuate its bowels, but for a lady hippo, that's the equivalent of a Channing Tatum lap dance. We are, for example, the only species on Earth whose females develop large breasts. That happens for no real reason other than that it's the specific switch our evolution decided should activate the boner machine. It doesn't matter how human it may seem; a chimpanzee finds Scarlett Johansson no more sexy than she finds it, which is probably "not very much." Hey, we don't know what ScarJo is into, and we don't want to presume.
And if the aliens look like her? Run.
4 We Probably Won't Even Be Able To Communicate With Them
In Star Trek, Men In Black, and most other franchises that involve frequent alien contact, communication is a simple matter of having a translator on hand. But in real life, communication with extraterrestrials is likely to pose a much bigger problem. We can barely get it down inside our own species. We might never have been able to understand anything the Ancient Egyptians wrote if one bilingual individual hadn't thought to carve it out on the Rosetta Stone.
Much more difficult is the prospect of communicating with creatures that don't share our physiology. Centuries of experimentation have brought us to a kind of rudimentary communication with apes, but when it comes to sharing information with any other highly intelligent animal, science is still at the "fucked if we know" stage.
Our best current option is Will Smith doing interpretive dance.
And although humans are the only species smart enough to (mostly) follow an Ikea instruction booklet, there are a few animals out there that come close. For example, octopuses and dolphins both show signs of human-like intelligence, and dolphins have even been shown to have a kind of language. But for all our fancy science, we're still a long way off from figuring out how to talk to a dolphin, let alone a goddamn octopus. An alien might not even share the same senses that we do, so good luck trying to communicate with a creature that's blind and deaf but interacts with the world based on quantum pulses or an intricate series of farts.