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At first, everything was coming up tree-shimmying puppies, iron babies and tickle rats, but they you were all like, "Nope. We need a shrieking peek into the abyss as a palate cleanser."

Teddy Roosevelt hunted with Catahoula leopard dogs, an amazing species that can climb trees and fight wild hogs and, most impressively, keep up with Teddy Roosevelt.

"Out of necessity, these dogs became incredibly versatile, developing not only the aforementioned tree climbing ability but also webbed feet for swimming and extremely high intelligence."

She's been secretly writing jokes for all you half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herders.

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Scientists who spent two weeks tickling rats discovered rats love it. And because this world is perfect, rats actually giggle while it's happening.

"If the researchers stopped tickling, the rats would often chase their teasing hands around the tank to try to coax more tickles."

They're pretty much just "Big, Fancy Important Man Pressing Buttons"

"Good Morning America had a lot of time on their hands and actually checked out buttons in a number of cities, only finding one functional one."

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And it probably wasn't even National Dog Day!

When Monty Python And The Holy Grail didn't have money for horses, they replaced them with a completely Monty Python solution -- which was characteristically crazy and fantastic.

"Python's spiritual grandparents, the comedy team behind The Goon Show, not only used the gag of coconuts for horse sounds in their programs, but they also made fun of the device, just like we see in Holy Grail."

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They're actually all just reading Harry Potter over and over again.

Zdzislaw Beksinski's style of obscured identity in the form of bandaged, bleeding faces, missing faces, and the nightmare kindling that is torn doll faces, is part of a new school called "Uncontrollable Shrieking."

"And yet ... his work's kind of nice, in a way. Like, sure, here comes Baalmarqatziz, the anti-god whose face is a black hole, but the point of view is the man on the street's. Relax, bro. We will have a voice in the fires of his endlessly burning reign."

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