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Last week was all about jerks: parents, the easily offended, cats, companies that poison cats, and otters. Jerky, rapey otters.

The 45 Most Badass Lines Ever Uttered in Real Life

And he helped save other passengers before going down with the Titanic, dressed to the nines.

Notable Comment: [Steve Cagle] "As opposed to those who shoved women and children out of the way for a lifeboat seat. They later learned the truth of the old line: 'A coward dies a thousand deaths while the brave die but once.'"

5 Realities Of The Rehab Camp My Parents Paid To Kidnap Me

"For a fee, a parent can have their own child kidnapped by strangers in the dead of night, hauled off to a remote location, and subjected to harsh conditions in the wilderness until he's cured of their bad behavior. It's legal, unregulated, and there's no evidence that it actually works at all."

Gold Star Comment: [Rustin Sparks] "How to guarantee that you'll die of old age, in your child's basement, in a pool of your own waste, in ONE EASY CALL!"

8 Terrifying Instruments Old-Time Doctors Used on Your Junk

All of the words on this advertisement make you never want to age beyond 15 Years Old.

Gold Star Comment: [Dan Langdon] "Please excuse me while I never stop screaming."

5 Adorable Animals Who Are the Biggest Assholes on Earth

#NotAllOtters rape and murder and rape the murdered corpses, but enough do it that it is, in fact, a thing.

Horror Show Comment: [Jennifer Newton] "We had two male guinea pigs. One constantly raped the other and then ate his ear off when he died. Kids didn't want any more after that."

6 Secret Monopolies You Didn't Know Run the World

How could 150 brands of cat food get contaminated in 2007? Simple, they were all really just one brand.

19 Surreal Images (and Their Mind-Blowing Explanations)

What could be more refreshing than drinking an ant's regurgitated ass juice?

Gold Star Gross-Out Comment: [Teleri Ferch Nyfain] "Natives who live in the areas these ants live in will collect them & eat them like grapes..."

5 Ways Our Generation Has Ruined "Being Offended"

Stop trying to shut stuff down, idiots!

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (4/14)

We don't normally acquiesce to authority, but in this instance, okay...

Gold Star Comment: [Igor Virtakangas] "Let's see who's laughing when he activates it."

6 Adorable Cat Behaviors With Shockingly Evil Explanations

Cats run The Joint. Everybody knows it.

Notable Comment: [Debbie Flanagan] "Cats are assholes but at least they're honest about it... Unlike humans."

Why Your Grocery Bags Must All Be Carried At Once

There comes a time in every overloaded-with-groceries trip when you have to be willing to do what's necessary.

Gold Star Comment: [Daniel Richard] "I'd rather chop my own dick off and throw it in the garbage disposal before making a second trip."

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