Where Aren't They Now? 11 Overlooked Deaths of 2014 (Pt. 1)
March 23rd: The Internet's Grandpa
Who?
Peter Oakley, geriatric YouTube sensation.
How?
The Legacy:
The very-much-aged Mr. Oakley (AKA "geriatric1927") was the most-subscribed user on YouTube back in 2006 when everyone completely lost their shit at the very concept of an OLD MAN talking ON THE INTERNET. His oddly endearing first video, in which virtually nothing occurs, racked up 3 million views (it's still worth it, just for the Spinal Tap-esque moment at the start where he waits for his theme music to kick in):
Mr. Oakley's subsequent autobiographical videos were about as interesting as listening to your grumpy grandpa talk in real life (he was a mechanic in WWII! He likes motorbikes! He is a pensioner and lives alone!), which makes us think that a whole lot of those YouTubers were subscribing ironically. It doesn't matter, of course -- he loved his brief window of fame, and the guy kept making videos right up to the end. His last video, just weeks before his death, ended with, "In conclusion I would say my possibly final goodbye. So, goodbye."
Oh, and he was in a rock band that made it onto the UK charts ... when he was 79. If you want a role model for your golden years, there you go.
March 24th: A Dungeon Master With a Mysterious Life
Who?
David Trampier, cult artist and probable weirdo.
How?
Cancer, age 59.
The Legacy:
David Trampier had it all. Well, all you need to be a geek demigod, anyway. He was an artist who created many iconic works for the original Advanced Dungeons & Dragons rulebooks back in the '70s, including the cover of the original Players Handbook ...
TSR, Inc.
"I really wanted to make something that players could appreciate when the book was flung at their head out of frustration."
... and a shit-ton of interior art for the Monster Manual and the Dungeon Master's Guide. He also created "Wormy," a comic strip that ran in Dragon magazine for 10 years. Yessir, Trampier's life was looking sweet. Then, at the height of his fame in 1988, Trampier just up and disappeared.
No one, including his own family, knew where he was. His royalty checks were returned, unopened. Everyone thought he was dead.
Flash-forward to 2002: Trampier is rediscovered accidentally, when his name and photo appeared in a local paper on an unrelated matter, driving a taxi in Carbondale, Illinois. He was immediately swamped with offers to start drawing wizards in chainmail bikinis again, but refused and was generally super-grumpy.
tyler olson/iStock/Getty Images
"And get your level 12 paladins off my goddamn lawn!"
Flash-forward again to 2013 -- a bad year for Trampier. He had a stroke, lost his job, and got cancer. He needed money bad, and sold some of his old original paintings. He agreed to appear at a gaming convention, but died a couple of weeks before it started. And now there's a new star in geek heaven: David Trampier, sitting at the right hand of Gary Gygax, rolling a natural 20.
March 28th: The Writer Behind Campy 1960s Batman
Who?
Lorenzo Semple Jr., bat-writer.
How?
The Legacy:
Lorenzo Semple Jr. was a screenwriter back in the '60s when he was asked to write a pilot episode for something called Batman. This was back when Batman wore powder-blue spandex and hung out with his "teenage ward" a lot. The campy, screwball show was a smash-hit, and Semple wrote a bunch of episodes and served as "Executive Story Editor." If you've ever seen the show, you'll know that "Executive Story Editor" means, "Guy Who Comes Up With Ridiculous Villains, All of Whom Own Very Slow Conveyor Belts."
20th Century Fox
"You think those Robin puns just wrote themselves?"
Oh, and Semple also wrote the 1976 version of King Kong, Flash Gordon, and the James Bond film Never Say Never Again.
But you can see the effects of his Batman legacy to this day: If they had never made the wacky, colorful version of the dark knight back in the '60s, there'd have been no need for the darker Tim Burton reboot or the even darker Chris Nolan films. Maybe if the guy had lived another decade, he'd have seen the world cycle back around to wacky Batman again. You know it's coming.
April 8: The Ultimate Warrior
WWE, Inc.
Who?
1980s wrestling superstar.
How?
Heart attack at age 54, as seems to be typical of men in his line of work.
The Legacy:
Pro wrestlers do not live long -- throw in a tape from an old WrestleMania from the early '90s, and there's a good bet at least a third of those dudes are no longer alive, if not more.
WWE, Inc.
"Sorry, but it says very clearly in your policy that we do not cover chair shots to the head."
The Ultimate Warrior would spend his later years as a motivational public speaker, having retired from body slamming other greased-up men back in 1998. He joined the hard right-wing speaking circuit and spent his final years denouncing the gay agenda. But what else would you expect from someone who spent his life in what is scientifically the least gay line of work possible?
WWE, Inc.
All the oiled-up, heterosexual frottage you can handle.
May 12th: The Father of Alien
Who?
H.R. Giger, famed goth artist and creator of one of the most iconic fictional monsters of all time.
How?
The Legacy:
We know, we know -- some of you are saying, "Overlooked death? I freaking took the day off work the day H.R. Giger died! The man was a god!" But let's face it -- the man who designed the alien from the movie Alien (also seen in Aliens, Alien 3, Alien vs. Predator and that other one with Winona Ryder that will remain nameless) was never as famous as the actors who shared the screen with his monster. This is despite the fact that the franchise is still chuggling along 35 years later with his iconic xenomorphs still front and center while the rest of the cast is swapped out for younger models.
20th Century Fox
Go ahead, you tell her that you're looking for someone "a bit younger."
Not that this is the only famous creation to his name -- Giger also designed the supercool Batmobile from Batman Forever, a bunch of stuff from Prometheus, and according to IMDb, worked on a film called Killer Condom. We'll get back to you on that one.
And, let's not forget his awesome album cover art for Celtic Frost, Carcass, Danzig and Dead Kennedys (which led to the famed Dead Kennedys obscenity trial):
The painting is called "Penis Landscape." We're not sure why.
Giger was also commissioned by Jonathan Davis (from preposterous nu-metal band Korn) to design an "erotic" microphone stand. But that's a whole other story.
Lisa-Skye is Australia's favourite Sparklepuppy comedian. Find more of her on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and Facebook. Paul Rasche does Twitter things sometimes and his novel Smudgy In Monsterland is ju-uuu-st about to be published, honest.
For more celebrity facts you probably never knew, check out 11 Celebrities Who Were Secretly Total Badasses. And then check out The Off-Screen Deaths of 26 Famous Fictional Characters.
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