There's a reason companies pay huge money to stick famous songs into their TV ads -- half the time, the song is the only thing that makes the commercial memorable. So you would think advertisers would be extra picky come time for music selection, since the whole point is to get their product to absorb some of the cool factor of the song by some kind of cultural osmosis.
Yet, as we've shown before, some marketers are content to slap any old catchy riff into their ads, regardless of the incredibly awkward context that the lyrics might create ...
6Apple Sells the New iPhone With a Song About Huge Penises
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According to Apple, if you purchase the new iPhone 5s, you've basically purchased Utopia. To hammer that point home, they've saturated the market with a commercial hyping all the amazing things you can do with their phone: conduct orchestras, launch rockets, translate shady-looking road signs, and possibly make a stupid phone call if you must.
Their kick-ass song of choice is The Pixies' "Gigantic." You know what's gigantic (besides your phone bill if you don't read the fine print)? A black man's penis, according to the song:
Yep, no amount of taking the chorus out of context (Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic / A big, big love) helps in this case. The verses make it 100 percent clear that the band has a thing for big, black cock:
Lovely legs they are
What a big black mess
What a hunk of love
Walk her every day into a shady place
He's like the dark, but I'd want him
If inadvertently reminding us that you can access porn on your iPhone wasn't enough awkwardness for one day, Apple included this young lady among the gaggle of photogenic musicians using their phone to rock out to '80s grunge:
Why, yes, that is an 8-year-old girl some ad agency has now permanently attached to an ode to hard schlong. And considering how Apple re-recorded the song to make it sound less raw (and added a celebratory horn break to boot), they had to have heard the lyrics and figured out what they entailed. Besides, the band itself has all but confirmed the message, citing the movie Crimes of the Heart as inspiration. A major plot point in Crimes? Sissy Spacek bones a black teenager.
And suddenly, a rocket is no longer just a rocket.