All art is subjective. Subjectivity is in its very nature. One man's masterpiece is another man's paint-smeared garbage. So it is damn near impossible to make any questionable comments about a work of art's inherent quality -- unless, of course, that artwork was made by radically out-of-touch celebrities. Then it's fair game.
#5. Michael Jackson's Face Chairs
Once lawyers and relatives managed to quit squabbling over Michael Jackson's estate for 10 seconds, they discovered an elaborate art collection in his studio/storehouse, valued at around $900 million. It contained, among other things, over 150 pieces of art created by the King of Pop himself. They are drawings of chairs with faces.
This one just heard Invincible for the first time and was not pleased.
Michael Jackson oddity #72: He was fascinated by chairs, and considered them to be the "thrones of men, women, and children." OK, there have been weirder motifs in art. There are certainly weirder motifs in Michael Jackson's artistic career. Hell, there were probably weirder motifs in his breakfast. What makes this truly strange is that Michael Jackson's bizarre vanity artwork is actually ... pretty good. Technically speaking, anyway. There's probably something evil that lives in this one:
The Man in the Mirror never stood a fucking chance.
Whereas this one just looks like it knows that its purpose in life is to have butts on its mouth. We would be making the same exact face.
"Yeah, it's a hard life. At least I'm not Tito."
#4. Ke$ha's Tooth Art
Recently, Ke$ha went to rehab for an eating disorder. To pass the time, she tried to engage in art therapy. A friend used Twitter to ask Ke$ha's fans to send some art supplies, because how else would a multimillionaire get art supplies? Buy some? Have you been to Michael's lately? That shit adds up. No, "free" is always better than "not free."
And yet her cold-hearted treatment center wasn't game. They told her fans to knock it off. Apparently receiving bits of a stranger's skull in the mail "isn't conducive to a therapeutic environment."
You see, Ke$ha does tooth art. She's used her fans' teeth to make a headdress, earrings, necklaces, and even a bra. Get them strange teeth on your nipples, ladies!
Back in 2012, Ke$ha made a similar request of fans and got over 1,000 teeth. Her treatment center's official reasoning for halting this was that teeth could be a biohazard. The unofficial reason is that any therapy that makes it seem like you need therapy is kind of missing the mark.
So the real question here is, who is crazier? On the one hand, you've got Ke$ha, who says she does this to feel more connected to her fans. "I love them!" she says. "I call them my family."
Yeah, so did this guy.
And on the other hand, who the hell is mailing off their teeth? Seriously, where did they all come from? A thousand fans with poor hygiene? Thirty-something really devoted fans who now gum their dinners? Perhaps feeling the need to completely knock the Nutjob Scales on their side, Ke$ha released a jewelry line last year featuring penis earrings.
Kesha Rose by Charles Albert
"I'm talkin' I'm talkin' pedicure on our toes, toes
Testicles on our lobes, lobes."
Because sometimes the lord is kind, they are not constructed of real penises. Yet. Be wary of her next request, gentlemen: It's not like losing a baby tooth. You won't get a bigger replacement.
#3. Macaulay Culkin's Leisure Inferno
You remember Macaulay Culkin, that kid from such hit films as Home Alone and ... Home Alone 2? He and a couple of pals formed the art collective 3MB, responsible for such projects as "Leisure Inferno," which proposes to make your walls look like the mental patients got into the crayons again. When the trio paint, they "attack the canvas simultaneously," each working on different objects in different styles, which they eventually mesh together. If it sounds like it all might result in a crazy incoherent mishmash, well ... you have pretty good hearing.
Even their plagiarism is fucked up.
Obviously that's a post-surrealist deconstructional take on the Bauhaus movement (we have absolutely no idea what any of those words mean, but we're pretty sure we heard a dude in a scarf use them at some point). Next up we have a piece we find more reminiscent of neo-realism, by which we mean it is a child's drawing of a mouse and a pig in hula skirts next to the dude from Hellraiser on the beach in front of an octopus on what might be a chocolate cake all together under a disco ball.
The one-armed hammerhead with lampreys for ears and Marvin the Martian's eyes is the most normal guest at the party.
And for this next piece, we give up. We're all out of possibly misheard art words to bandy about. Instead we shall go for unflinching accuracy. This is Mario being assassinated by a cloud disguised as Lee Harvey Oswald, while a man with a raven for a hat looks on from atop a sledgehammer.
And here's He-Man playing some sort of misinterpreted mashup of Wheel of Fortune and Pictionary with the naked cast of Seinfeld. You know what? We don't know much about art, but we know what we like ...
Vanna sure looks different without the makeup.