Making a commercial for a video game shouldn't require any more thought than making a movie trailer -- just show us some footage from the game and tell us what console it's for and when it's coming out. "Body horror and/or implied sexual violence" shouldn't be included, unless those are key elements of the game, we suppose. However, if the purpose of a video game commercial is to deeply terrify your young fan base so profoundly that they wouldn't dare forget your product, the creators of the following doses of nightmare elixir succeeded brilliantly.
6New Super Luigi U -- Luigi Is a Rapist
After many years of languishing in the slightly overweight shadow of his brother, Mario, Luigi finally got his own platforming adventure game, New Super Luigi U, on the Wii U, because Nintendo is terrible at naming both games and systems. So what better way to give the Elwood Blues of the Super Mario universe his own spotlight than to announce it with the rapiest video game commercial ever produced?
Thus, we get this bizarre ad featuring Princess Peach in a minimalist nightmare chamber, tremblingly calling Mario's name.
Nintendo, via YouTube
Setting a level inside the fetid dreams of a Chain Chomp might have been a little too artistically ambitious.
Her cries of terror reach a disturbing crescendo just as tears spill out of her face and the camera zooms in to reveal Luigi's leering reflection in her horror-soaked pupil.
Nintendo, via YouTube
It's safe to assume those coveralls don't cover all.
It is truly impossible to determine what Nintendo was trying to convey with this ad beyond raw, primal fear. If the idea here was to make it look like Peach was in trouble and Luigi was coming to her rescue, there was a catastrophic miscommunication somewhere along the way. Also, note that Peach's voice catches on the last "Mario" just as Luigi reaches her: Clearly, those were her last living words.
It's inexplicable that the princess should be so utterly frightened of someone that, until now, we always assumed was one of the good guys, unless we've seriously misinterpreted what was going on in the Mario games all these years and Luigi was sinisterly blending in with the heroes like Topher Grace in Predators.
There's a reason Birdo always looked so concerned.