There are few things more terrifying than seeing a helpless baby in danger, partly because they represent the continuation of our species, and partly because they're dang cute. However, maybe we should give the little bastards more credit: There are babies out there who have survived dangerous situations that would have likely killed a grown man, sometimes because their smallness actually protected them, and sometimes because we're pretty sure they're just indestructible.
#6. Tornado Snatches Baby Girl from Mother's Arms, Deposits Her Safely in Mud
Everyone knows that the best way to avoid being harmed by a tornado is to hide in your closet where it doesn't see you. That was the course of action that Amy Crago and her 10-month-old daughter, Aleah, took in May 1999 when things took a turn for the windy in Oklahoma City. Unfortunately, this wasn't one of those polite "stops right outside your house" tornadoes -- it was one of the relentless, record-breaking bastards that did this:
Those used to be houses.
Crago's closet didn't offer much resistance when the tornado broke through the wall, threw her to the floor, ripped the baby right from her arms, and made away with the helpless bundle. Again, the tornado just swooped by and threw the baby into the air in what must have looked like one of those Rapture scenes from This Is the End, only considerably more terrifying.
As soon as she didn't have an angry vortex of wind screaming at her, Crago got hold of the closest deputy and begged him to find little Aleah for her. She would have done it herself, but she was a little busy being taken to the hospital. And so, Deputy Robert Jolley got the heartbreaking task of searching for a blown-away baby through the brutal devastation, knowing full well that all the laws of nature and probability said he was looking at a complete downer of an afternoon.
But then, as seen on this dashboard camera video from his patrol car, Jolley spotted a little something next to a tree:
"Wait, the mom said a 10-month-old; this one's clearly 11. Oh well, back to the tree."
Against all odds, he found Aleah about 100 feet away from the house, covered in mud and resting peacefully like a, you know, baby (one that didn't just get thrown 100 feet by a tornado). Other than a hairline fracture and a cut on her head, she was completely intact -- in fact, she only started crying once Jolley freed her of all the dirt on her face, presumably because it had just gotten warm and cozy.
Today, Aleah is a perfectly healthy teenager who says tornadoes are "cool," although she doesn't sound very impressed by them from her description: "I like how they work and how they can destroy so much but they're just wind going in a circle."
Well, she'd know.
#5. Baby Survives Deadliest Tsunami Ever ... Sleeping on a Floating Mattress
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What's even worse than a tornado? An earthquake? A tsunami? How about an unholy combination of both that lasts 10 freaking minutes (we shit our pants if a tremor lasts more than five seconds) and literally shakes the whole planet? Because that's exactly what hit the Indian Ocean on December 26, 2004, killing 230,000 people, devastating thousands of miles of coastline on two continents -- and leaving one 20-days-old baby completely unfazed.
Dimas Ardian/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Thulasi Suppiah was taking a well-deserved nap after an intense morning of pooping in her diapers, some whining, and a lot of being adorable in a general baby-like fashion. That's when the tsunami hit her parents' restaurant in northern Malaysia, pushing the adults right out of the building before they could reach the baby, who slept in a bed in another room. If being rudely kicked out of your property by a massive flood of water already sucks balls, imagine how terrifying it must be when you combine it with the fact that your baby is still in there.
The worried parents managed to "claw their way back to the badly damaged building" later that day, and what they saw inside was even more impressive than the overwhelming act of nature they'd just witnessed: their baby, lying on a mattress, floating in a 5-foot pool of water.
Andy Wong/AP via The Guardian
They have since removed the indoor pool God gave them as a Christmas gift.
Yes, all the furniture in the building had been abruptly rearranged by the tsunami, but little Thulasi was technically still exactly where they had left her. Had she rolled to the side, she would have fallen into the water, but thankfully the view of the ceiling proved interesting enough to stare at until her parents came back. And, although she was crying at the time they found her, we suspect that had less to do with the tsunami and more with the fact that babies are grumpy when awoken.
Now, Thulasi might very well be indestructible, but anyone would understand if, like Bruce Willis in Unbreakable, she was terrified of water. Nope: The now 10-year-old loves to swim. In the ocean.
Only a true badass turns her back to someone who already tried to kill her.
#4. Melbourne's Babies Keep Getting Run Over by Trains, Escaping Unharmed
We're not sure if there's some scientific basis for this, but it appears that the babies of Melbourne, Australia, are train-proof. Seriously, how the hell else can you explain the fact that two babies in the city fell underneath trains, seven months apart, and in both cases came away with nothing more than a few minor scrapes and perhaps a newly minted turd in their pants?
Which is exactly what we dropped when watching the security footage.
Again, that baby is still in one piece.
That happened in October 2009, when a 6-month-old baby boy in a stroller rolled onto the tracks in Melbourne just as a train pulled into the station, to the shock of all present. But then, after the train stopped, workers realized that the baby was still fine underneath, with a bump on his head but otherwise in pristine condition. The baby was taken to the hospital but released the same day, presumably because his skin broke all the needles when they tried to inject him.
The stroller, sadly, did not make it.
The fact that the baby landed at the precise spot to survive being run over by a train was a stroke of luck that could never happen again ... until May 2010, when it totally fucking did. This time, a 15-month-old baby in a stroller rolled onto the tracks, but landed in such a way that the train merely pushed it "for a short distance" without harming it. Oh, and this also happened in Melbourne.
In each instance, authorities urged parents to be careful, because they don't want to give away Australia's superhuman breeding program quite yet. Unfortunately the people of Melbourne aren't really bothered, if this 2012 video of a baby rolling onto a train track is anything to go by. That particular baby was rescued from the tracks before any trains arrived -- or rather, as it's Melbourne, the baby was removed from the railway before any trains were damaged.