#2. Insurance Fraud Foiled by Bilingual Authority
A conniving couple decided to fake a robbery of their home in order to collect insurance money. Everything was planned out perfectly: They hid valuables, smashed jewelry, and even went so far as to make fake footprints of the thieves. It wasn't exactly The Thomas Crown Affair, but compared to most insurance fraud, which amounts to "lie on some paperwork," it was a pretty elaborate setup.
Getty Images/Photodisc/Getty Images
"Bullshit. No one owns a Wii U."
When everything was perfect, the couple called the cops, who arrived to find a hysterical woman raving about how she'd just lost everything. If you think it's a little odd that she paused her hysterics to coolly take a call from her father, imagine the officer's confusion when she proceeded to explain to her dad, in detail and completely within earshot of the police, that she was faking the entire thing to get an insurance payout.
Ah, but here's the thing: She made sure to say it all in French.
"Oui, l'agent de police est debout juste ici ...hein, probablement un six, sept si j'ai bu quelques verres."
Ah, but here's the other thing: This crime took place in Canada, whose two official languages are English and French.
Constable Charanjit Meharu took 10 pages of notes while listening to the woman expound upon the details of her crime while still at the active crime scene, and then replied, "Merci beaucoup."
"En passant, j'ai un 25 cm graine."
#1. Man Updates His Facebook Feed About "Getting Away With" Crime ... During Court Proceedings
Most people watch what they say on Facebook, because digital privacy is kind of a hot-button issue these days. But even if you don't understand the finer points of online security, you at least get that your boss might someday stumble upon your status updates, so it's probably not good form to explain the exact kind of diseased asshole you think he resembles. In general, the rules are easy to understand: It's a social network. So say you have a message you want only one person to see. A "network" would be the wrong place for this message. This concept eluded Michael Ruse, who was on trial for assaulting his friend's father with a baseball bat.
Solent via The Telegraph
Don't let his name fool you; this man is the antithesis of crafty.
The trial had been in progress for two weeks, and while it certainly wasn't over, things were looking good for Ruse. So he fired up his Facebook account and, when asked how things were going, publicly posted that it was "looking good." Worried that his friends might not fully appreciate that he meant he was going to get away with a crime he absolutely did commit, Ruse helpfully elaborated:
"Yeah I think I get away with it tbh (to be honest)."
"What's the emoji for 'guilty as hell'?"
Why phrase it that exact way? Literally any other phrasing and he would have been just fine: "I'll probably be found innocent," or "I don't think they'll convict me," or just leave it at the initial "looking good." There is basically only one combination of words you could use to inform a friend that your trial is going well while simultaneously sabotaging that trial for yourself. And Ruse found them. A friend asked a totally innocuous question: "Hey man, how's it going?" And Ruse, in a very public place that is easily searchable, replied with: "Pretty good, I think I will get away with the crime that I did totally commit and should go to jail for. How are you? How about those sports?"
"Yeah, I'm doing all right, too."
We suppose that, much like how you hilariously believe your private messages are at all secure, Ruse thought his Facebook feed was only for his friends. But even if that was the case, how many of us are friends with people on Facebook that we just barely know or only pretend to like? You know full well that at least one of your Facebook "friends" is somebody who only wants to see you burn. That's like half the point of Facebook: passive-aggressively rubbing your success in that sucker's face. Except Ruse handed that person a can of gas and matches.
They used it: Ruse's exchange was anonymously printed out and handed to the court. He had no option other than to change his plea to guilty of assault. Even his lawyer called him a dumbass, saying, "He needs help with regards to his thinking skills."
How could it possibly get worse? Hours before his sentencing, Ruse logged back on to Facebook to call the presiding judge about to decide his fate "stuck up."
"The DA's guys keep liking and sharing my posts. Maybe they're not so bad after all ..."
Related Reading: And if you thought THESE criminals were dumb, just read about the fool who stole a LoJack tracking anklet. And seriously, it's crazy how often criminals get caught butt dialing 911. Not all criminals are dumb, of course. Some turn mocking the police into a kind of art form.
And for more ways to broadcast your crimes, check out 22 Creative Ads for Illegal Activities.