#2. The Robotic Armpit
You never knew you wanted it, you never knew you needed it -- and maybe that's because you absolutely fucking didn't -- but it's done now. Somebody has successfully created a robotic armpit that secretes a convincing armpit stench.
The secret ingredient is cumin.
British designer Kevin Grennan is interested in the future of robot-human empathy, which is a noble goal: Maybe relating to each other emotionally is the only thing that will prevent a Skynet-style war against the machines. And if we don't have a little John Connor around to teach the robots the value of obnoxious '90s catchphrases, well, we're going to have to tackle this task ourselves. But whereas most robotics engineers are working on the problem by simulating more realistic-looking robot faces, or programming more convincing speech capabilities, Grennan believes that you truly empathize with another being only when you smell and are revolted by his B.O. That explains the robot armpit, sure -- but was the curly armpit hair truly necessary?
Well, would you make a sex bot without ... OK, bad example.
Grennan believes that he's emulated the pheromones that define the "smell of fear." So, obviously, he designed the armpit to be attached to bomb disposal robots.
You knew that was where this was going, right? Simulated armpits to bomb robots: It's a natural correlation. The theory, as though you need it explained to you, is that fear triggers will enhance nearby humans' cognitive performance in stressful situations like bomb defusing. Seriously, though, we doubt anyone will need scent cues to be afraid of the clawed robot with what appears to be a patch of human skin crudely stapled to the side.
Retirement is a dark time for EOD bots.
Apparently, the smell can be altered so that it elicits different emotions, such as trust, which we'll need a heavy dose of if we ever come face-to-face with Grennan's other planned creation, the surgery robot.
"ANESTHESIA NOT FOUND. BEGIN SURGERY."
#1. The Ass Robot
Nobuhiro Takahashi via YouTube
Finally, they have made a realistic synthetic human ass.
Whoa, calm down, perverts -- this is clearly intended for scientific purposes only. Researchers in Tokyo (surprise!) have created a robotic ass that tells emotions through clenches. Yes, an ass that communicates through "tactile movement" -- it's like listening to a Ph.D. student trying to describe twerking.
See Figure A(ss) below:
Nobuhiro Takahashi via NBC News
He must work out.
The University of Electro-Communications calls the robo-ass "Shiri," which is Japanese for "buttocks." It operates via a system of airbags positioned underneath the robot's butt cheeks that respond appropriately to external stimuli, like, well ... like smacking it, obviously:
Nobuhiro Takahashi via YouTube
Next year's model will also have hair to pull.
The purpose of Shiri is ostensibly to replicate human emotions as they are presented via the butt. Which is totally legit and not at all the first terrible lie its inventor stammered out after being caught in the lab after hours with a functional robo-ass.
Here's the exact quote: "[Shiri is a] buttocks humanoid that represents emotions with visual and tactual transformation of the muscles." We guess the Japanese primarily communicate their emotions through the medium of booty? We'd love to see their soap operas.
The Machines are coming. This Cracked video shows how the revolution will begin.
Related Reading: We're designing robots to be assholes, like this machine built to bully rats. On the upside though, some robots have been programmed to create art. We're really not sure what it says about us that humans are trolling animals with robots. But it certainly says something.