On some level, we know that Saw is happening on a dilapidated soundstage instead of in a dilapidated bathroom, but we pretend not to so that it stays a scary movie instead of devolving into a meditation on how unkind the years have been to Cary Elwes. But sometimes seeing where these horror movies were filmed is so jarring that it makes it impossible to think of them the same way. So at the risk of ruining the horror classics for you, let's point out that ...
#6. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Farmhouse Is Now a Family Restaurant
While Leatherface is the most famous thing to come out of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the real star of the movie is the cannibalistic family's freaky house. The plot basically follows different teenagers as they are drawn into a large, dilapidated farmhouse one by one and face various horrors (most of which involve meat hooks). So it's natural to expect that the interior of the building was built on a soundstage, because something so grisly and horrific could never exist in real life, right?
Nope -- turns out that the machinations of fate have seen fit to fashion the home of the most notorious family of cannibals in cinema history into a family restaurant.
Lionsgate, Austex at en.wikipedia
No word on if they kept the original management's policy on dine-and-ditchers.
It's currently the home of the Grand Central Cafe, and they even have a collection of Texas Chainsaw Massacre memorabilia on the second floor, because looking at images of grisly cannibalism is exactly the kind of thing you want to do before eating.
Lionsgate, The A.V. Club
"Uh, I'll have the salad."
The weirdest part is that, paradoxically, no one else seems to think this is weird -- some people who've run the place appear to have been comfortable living there at one point, and the news article describing the whole thing makes bland reference to the fact that the "beautiful polished stairway" was of "great significance in the Chainsaw movie" with the kind of charming ignorance you normally only get from a grandmother.
Lionsgate, The A.V. Club
He let her go after she promised a positive Yelp review.
Oh, well. Texans, right?
#5. The Halloween House Became a Chiropractor's Office
Since Michael Myers (or "The Shape") has the advantage of being an undead mercenary or a living nightmare, he's always needed to rely on atmosphere a little more than his slasher film brethren, which is probably why his home is such an iconic part of the series. It's where he commits his first murder, and he's found an excuse to return there in five of the six sequels he's appeared in. So naturally, the real building must be some kind of haunted nightmare, right? You can't see that much fictional killing without absorbing some terror into your wall paint.
Well, no. Actually, the building is currently home to a chiropractor's office.
Dimension Films, Brent Hoyler
So technically, people are still getting crippled there.
But horror movie fans love their pilgrimages (you're not a true fan until you can stand right in the spot where Michael got shot and flew off the balcony!), and they'll cling to any semblance of terror any way they can, like this video some fans posted on YouTube:
Yes, they're at the house that is now a chiropractor's office, recreating the iconic nighttime POV opening of the first film in broad daylight, with a camcorder, while mysterious women creep into frame with the eerie mystique of someone who just blew their paycheck getting de-subluxated.
Dimension Films, getoffhurt
And with this, the house has fallen behind The Love Guru on the Horrific Myers Things rankings.
Just watch how defanged that opening scene feels now that you know that the room where Michael stabs his sister to death is currently populated by people with lower back pain reading People magazine.
#4. Friday the 13th's Camp Crystal Lake Is a Boy Scout Retreat
If you've seen Friday the 13th, you know that Camp Crystal Lake, the setting of most of the movies that don't inexplicably go into space, is a dirty cesspool of moral compromise. At Camp Crystal Lake, you're more likely to get drunk, have sex, and then put on a hockey mask and get macheted to death than you are to go swimming or make an ashtray out of clay. So of course the real location is now a goddamned Boy Scout camp.
Paramount Pictures, Brett McBean
The scariest thing is their choice in logo font.
Actually, it was a Boy Scout camp first -- a retreat called Camp No-Be-Bo-Sco. All the most iconic scenes were filmed in the same buildings where Cub Scouts were earning merit badges for landscape architecture.
Paramount Pictures, pbase.com
And watching people drown, apparently.
And remember what we said about how horror fans can't resist swarming iconic movie settings so they can show their friends back home? You can get a sense of the camp's frustration by the sheer number of times the Camp No-Be-Bo-Sco website begs die-hard Friday fans to please stay away. They're probably worried about sweaty nerds re-enacting inappropriately violent film scenes while Cub Scouts look on in pants-shitting terror -- because, back in 2011 when they held the first BSA-sanctioned tour, that's exactly what happened.
Paramount Pictures, fridaythe13thfranchise.com
"We've made a huge mistake."
The rules for the hypothetical future tour have some oddly specific caveats, like "Do not call the camp with any tour-related questions" and "Please do not arrive in costume," although that second one is probably for the tourists' sake, since the only thing more embarrassing than realizing you're the 25th person in a 25-person group to decide to dress as Jason Voorhees is having to sheepishly carry your rubber machete around for the rest of the five-hour tour.