#2. Splashy the Ghost
Francis Martin claims that he and his family were watching TV one night in October when he noticed a damp spot on the wall. As the spot grew, he called his family over, because this was 1963, before fun was invented. As they gathered around and leaned in for a good look, the spot erupted into a geyser of water and soaked them all, hilariously.
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Which is, at best, unusual behavior for a wall.
Of course, Martin thought it was a burst pipe, until it happened again, and again, in different spots. Yes, these were spontaneous water leaks from the spirit realm.
By this time, the family had learned not to get close to a wet area on the wall, but even without a victim to soak, the spots continued to appear and erupt until their carpet and furniture were drenched. So it's not like this was some kind of hilarious prankster ghost -- if spraying phantom water was its only power, it apparently couldn't control it at all. It was like some invisible incontinent demon was just randomly pissing everywhere like an old dog, unable to affect the world in any other way.
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"Why does this room smell like ammonia? ... DAMMIT, WALL GHOST!"
Still, the phenomenon was so disruptive to their lives that the Martins tried moving into a relative's house, but the bizarre phenomenon actually followed them, drenching Francis' mother-in-law's house with the ice cold, haunted waters. Giving up, the Martin family returned home, where the soakings continued for a while, then stopped as inexplicably as they had begun. Maybe the ghost finally ran out of seltzer water?
Vengeful, incontinent ghost clown. You really hit the haunting lottery with that one.
#1. The Ding Dong Ditch Specter
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Say what you want about the ghost that tormented Emily Miller, but he definitely deserves an award for persistence. Several times a week, this incorporeal prankster from Sequoyah Hills, Tennessee, would ring Miller's doorbell precisely at 3 a.m., but when the elderly woman staggered to the door to answer it, no one was there. Initially she dismissed it as the work of those damn neighborhood kids and even called the police for help. That right there is already the sign of a good haunting: when everything the ghost does could easily be written off as the work of a local elementary school kid.
"Jinkies, gang! Let's see who this ghost really is!"
Of course, in typical horror movie fashion, the police found nothing suspicious, and the doorbell never rang if Miller stayed up to watch her front porch. Eventually, Miller was so tormented by the problem that she had her son put a camera on the front porch, presumably hoping to create an even less interesting Paranormal Activity series. This time, the doorbell rang, but the camera didn't catch anyone at the door. Which sucks, because we were hoping she'd see a portal to hell open and Satan himself rising up, ringing the old woman's doorbell, then descending to the dark realm from which he came without a word.
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Everyone knows the Devil leaves flaming poo bags whenever he pranks a house.
Finally, Miller had her son tear out the doorbell completely, probably while cackling "Yeah! Eat my shit, ghost!" But Miller's ghost hadn't spent the past three years ringing that bell for nothing, so it rang again at 3 a.m., even though there technically wasn't anything left for it to ring. At that point, Miller called in the big guns, having her parish priest perform an exorcism. When that didn't work, she finally did what so many haunted house victims fail to do: She moved out. Problem solved.
"You can't leave the house! I know the haunting rules! I've seen Beetlejuice!"
So there you go. We now know that there is an afterlife, and that souls are so starved for something to do that this type of thing is all they can come up with. Just pushing that button, night after night, forever, because you have absolutely nowhere else to be. Unless, we suppose, that was the actual soul of a doorbell that died there decades ago, and that noise was the only way it knew how to communicate.
Please visit Tracy's Tumblr here. It's only a little haunted.
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Related Reading: Speaking of haunting, these Japanese halloween costumes will haunt your dreams! Then these spiders will run your dreams down and eat them alive. Try sleeping ever again once you've seen the scorpion-tailed spider. And if you'd like to see Soren Bowie and Adam Brown explore a haunted mansion, Cracked can contribute to your continued wakefulness.