#2. Christine -- Just Climb Over the Goddamn Car
Christine is the touching story of a 1957 Plymouth Fury with a mind of its own, based on a novel by Stephen King (written during his "intravenous cocaine breakfast" period). During the film, Christine, the aforementioned psychopathic vehicle, is trashed by a gang of bullies, so she decides to get revenge. Christine winds up pursuing Moochie, an overweight bully who peed on her dashboard, because apparently she wasn't into watersports (Furys are a notoriously prudish model). Eventually she corners Moochie in a small alleyway, where she slowly crushes him to death.
While dying, his pit stains and neck stains became one.
Wait a Second ...
Normally, when a living car chases you into a dead end, that's it. You're fucked. In this case, however, Moochie had an important advantage: The alley was incredibly narrow, and Christine had to sloooowly squeeze herself into the very tight spot before reaching him. In fact, she's even forced to come to a complete stop at one point.
A really tight squeeze, and going sideways wouldn't help.
Now, we know that Moochie isn't exactly the sveltest person in the world, but he could have easily leaped onto the hood and climbed over the car while it was stuck there -- we saw him climb over a tall fence seconds earlier. If Moochie managed to escape from the alley and make a run for it, he probably would have gotten away, since Christine would have been hopelessly stuck there until AAA came to give her a tow.
She needed his fluids to help lubricate her way out.
Also: Notice that there are small ledges attached to the alley wall, so Moochie probably could have used them to climb over the car without even touching it, in case he was racist against Plymouths or something.
#1. Deep Blue Sea -- Ladders Are Intended for Climbing
In one of the greatest premises in movie history, Deep Blue Sea has a group of scientists performing brain-enhancing experiments on sharks at a remote facility in the middle of the ocean. Remarkably, super-intelligent sharks turn out to be a less than stellar idea, and a lot of people become shark food. Halfway through the film, the surviving characters are climbing up a ladder inside an elevator shaft that has flooded with water (and sharks). A section of the ladder breaks and topples over:
Here's a movie still. Or possibly a screenshot from Half-Life.
One of the characters, Janice, falls off the ladder into the water. Janice is eaten by a shark, as one is wont to do in this scenario.
Wait a Second ...
Remember when we said "a section" of the ladder breaks? That's because most of it is still right there, very much attached to a wall, waiting for anyone who falls into the water to just swim over and climb up.
Plus, the side of the shaft has the lowest shark density.
Janice, however, completely ignores that possibility and decides that the best course of action would be to flail about helplessly in the water for nearly a full minute, patiently waiting for the movie's hero, Carter, to crawl across the dangling ladder in order to reach down and grab her.
Maybe she wanted to drag him down too, giving the shark another target?
It would have taken mere seconds to swim over to that ladder. But you know what? Let's cut her some slack: After all, one can't always think rationally when a super-intelligent carnivorous shark is swimming beneath them. So maybe she's not fatally dumb, just fatally scared.
You know who's definitely dumb as shit, though? The supposed "hero" -- before crawling across the dangling ladder to grab her, Carter yells at Janice to "stay there" while holding onto the very ladder she could have used to climb to safety.
Oh, he wanted her in the water, to keep the shark busy. It all makes sense now.
Related Reading: What's that -- you want MORE easily avoidable movie deaths? How about Data from Star Trek: Nemesis? Or the Wicked Witch of the West? At least both of those deaths had more of a point than Donnie Darko's.
Be sure to film a better death scene and submit it to our pocket film contest: If Great Horror Movies Had a Budget of $1.