#9. No One Survives Sea World's Roller Coaster
This looks like somebody just crudely blurred the bottom of that roller coaster to make it look like it's rising out of the ocean like part of Poseidon's birthday carnival.
The sad truth of this very real photo is that it's an image from the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. It's a shame, but it still looks to us like one of the abandoned saved games of a kid who is terrible at RollerCoaster Tycoon.
#8. The Gate
DEAR GOD, RED-SKIRTED WOMAN, WATCH OUT FOR THAT GIANT HOLE!
As you can guess, this is not an actual triangular portal to the netherworld, but it's also not a cheesy attempt at photo manipulation. This is a pretty spectacular perspective-based illusion in a public square in Sweden. They've even worked the pattern of the existing tiling into the illusion to maximize everyone's freakout and have all the tourists looking around for fallen angels. But as with all perspective tricks, just moving the camera ruins the illusion:
Wait, was this supposed to be a picture of amazing art or really lazy contractors?
#7. Giant Wet T-Shirt Monster Rises from the Sea
Now this looks like the mother of all crop jobs. Not only is it a badly pasted-in crop of a dude in a wet T-shirt, but it appears to be an action figure to boot.
That's actually supposed to be a statue of Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy, one of the main characters from Pride & Prejudice, built in London's Hyde Park to commemorate the 200th anniversary of the novel. Why any part of that seemed like a good idea will likely forever remain a mystery, but for now people are free to row right up to the statue and bask in the radiant glory of its oversized nipples.
As wet T-shirt contests go, we've seen hotter ... but not by much.
#6. This Woman Is Being Way Too Casual About the Giant Dragon Skull
Looking at this picture, we immediately became certain of two things: 1) whoever stumbled across this skull is probably very rich now, and 2) that skull isn't fossilized, so we are all fucking doomed.
Sadly, that very fake dragon skull was just a promo for the latest season of Game of Thrones, despite the fact that absolutely nothing about the skull's appearance would suggest as much to casual human beings. So, you just get passing townsfolk on the beach saying, "Eh, I'll just let my dog pee on it."
#5. Let's Stand Around and Watch This Alien Egg Hatch
This totally looks like an alien egg about to hatch in the middle of Yosemite and lay waste to California. It looks too much like something from that Ivan Reitman tax write-off Evolution to be a real thing.
Surprisingly, this is just an incredibly well-timed photo of a geyser in Strokkur, Iceland, taken right as the geyser is about to erupt. If you watch the video, you can see a split second before eruption where all of the bubbles gather below the surface, catching the light just before it blows:
#4. The Day the Ocean Turned into a Giant Beer
Seriously, that looks like the frosty cap of King Neptune's Atlantean beer stein. It isn't even a good Photoshop, either -- that mess was clearly cropped in from a close-up shot of Sam Adams from someone's Instagram account.
In reality, what you're looking at is a dust storm developing near Onslow, Australia. Of course it's Australia.
#3. Another 8-Bit Orphan Abandoned at the Train Station
Obviously, somebody just took a photo of a little girl and garbled it up with a pixelation effect. Either that or she's a ghost from a Japanese horror movie about a haunted video game.
Nope. Wrong again, Cracked. What we're looking at here is a pixelated sculpture that an artist built using thousands of square stickers and aluminum and left on a train station to confuse the shit out of people.
We'll say it again: What's the point of art if it doesn't make the passersby think their eyes are broken somehow?
#2. Stained Glass Spider
This looks like the type of weird Etsy project that Soren Bowie would write about. Somebody with more skill than sanity points spent entirely too much time constructing a tiny glass spider to give out as the most unwelcome Christmas present of all time.
But believe it or not, that's a real goddamned spider, and as you may have guessed, it lives in Australia. Scientific literature is remarkably mum on what powers are likely to result after sustaining a bite from such a spider, but we're assuming it would transform you into a glass-boned supervillain like Sam Jackson in Unbreakable.
Or at least a paunchy dude with an eyepatch, like Sam Jackson in Avengers.
#1. Tiny Soccer Player
Ha! Look at that tiny man trying to play soccer with regular humans. Clearly the Make-A-Wish Foundation is responsible for this image.
Actually, neither is the case. The player in the blue is by no means a dwarf or an abnormally hirsute child. He's a professional soccer player named Mathieu Valbuena, and he just happens to be sliding at the exact perfect angle to create the false perspective of a Lollipop Guildsman trying to steal a bunch of athletic equipment before he gets chased off the field. This is what he looks like normally:
Wait, how do we know this isn't just a game against a bunch of other tiny players?
Related Reading: We have more shockingly unphotoshopped images for you. Click this link for some cities that would look more at home in someone's DeviantArt gallery. You want unbelievably unaltered war photographs? We've got those. Crazy and straight-up virginal pictures of space? Right here, buddy.