#2. Red State -- Pastor Cooper Unleashes the Apocalypse
Red State is Kevin Smith's second horror film after that movie where Seth Rogen does a porno. This time there are no pop culture debates, no Jay and Silent Bob, and no sexual slang names that would make Urban Dictionary's head spin -- just a crazed, murderous pastor and his community who sure as hell aren't based on the Westboro Baptist Church (because those guys will sue the shit out of you if you so much as mention th- oh fuck).
Not the WBC. WBC signs are orange and green. Everyone knows that.
At the end of the film, there's a shootout between the members of the church and some federal agents led by Agent Keenan (John Goodman). Just as the confrontation is about to reach its bloody climax, some trumpets can be heard in the background. Pastor Cooper (Michael Parks) takes this to mean that the Rapture is happening and drops his weapons to celebrate. Of course, it turns out the trumpets were a hoax and Cooper is arrested.
How It Was Supposed to End:
If Kevin Smith had followed his original vision, this might have been one of the craziest endings in the history of cinema. Smith has said in interviews that his original script goes about the same way as the movie, until the trumpet sound -- that's when characters start exploding left and right as Agent Keenan covers his head and closes his eyes. When he opens them again, he sees the last member of the church "on the end of a gigantic sword held by a massive angel." The angel then drops the sword, looks at Keenan, and goes "Shhhh ..." And then, presumably, "... snootchie bootchies!"
Foreshadowed by all the religious imagery and S&M.
Then the movie ends as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse descend on the planet. According to the documentary Kevin Smith: Burn in Hell, the whole concept of that movie was to make the story do a complete 180 every time it was becoming too predictable. However, since blood and giant swords are pretty expensive these days, this ending would have turned Red State into a "$4 million movie with a $15 million five-minute sequence." And, yeah, it would have been pretty awesome, but in a way we're glad Smith changed the ending, because the old one might have given Fred Phelps ideas.
#1. Pretty in Pink -- Andie Hooks Up With Duckie, for Some Reason
Even the manliest among you can recount the story of John Hughes' star-crossed lovers, Andie and Blane: poor girl with a heart of gold meets rich guy with equally metallic internal organs. They experience resistance from their peers -- Andie's best friend, the perpetually platonic Duckie, and an impressively feathered James Spader -- but ultimately, love conquers all, even the smell of the sad, icky part of town. So, yeah, of course Andie ends up with Blane: That's the whole point of the movie, right?
And they lived happily ever after, until a passing car sent them to the dungeon dimensions.
How It Was Supposed to End:
Nah, that's all bullshit, according to John Hughes. If he'd gotten his way, Andie would have stayed with Duckie, not Blane -- in Hughes' original script, Andie and Duckie arrive together at the prom, and at the moment where Blane should show up and talk to her, Andie starts dancing with Duckie (because this movie didn't have enough Jon Cryer dance moves). Then "Andie squeezes [Duckie] tight and lifts him off his feet." Freeze image, cue credits.
What about the whole thing about love crossing socioeconomic boundaries? That doesn't happen in life, says Hughes, so it shouldn't happen in movies either. Never mind the fact that Andie doesn't return Duckie's affections and explicitly says so throughout the entire movie. John Hughes' advice to girls wondering if they're not good enough for true love and thinking about settling for the nearest spaz who will take them is "Yes, yes you should." On the other hand, this would have been a great pre-emptive victory for Internet nerds who shout "friendzone!" at anything with boobs.
He devotedly came to her house and studied with her. Of course he's entitled to some action.
So why the change? Apparently audiences had a problem with the leading lady making smoochy faces with her best friend instead of the guy who was painted as her romantic interest for the whole movie. A new ending was shot, and the band OMD had to write a new song for it in 24 hours ... accidentally resulting in their biggest U.S. hit. To give you an idea of how last-minute the change was, Duckie still gets the girl in the movie's novelization, since it was based on the script.
Related Reading: You know what classic movie has a really dumb ending? Star Wars. Before you take to the comments page, read about these classic films that nearly had dark endings. The Butterfly Effect originally ended with the main character's fetus strangling itself to death! Not impressed? Check out the most WTF game endings of all time.