#2. A Confederate Officer: "We'll Fight Them, Sir, Until Hell Freezes Over, and Then We'll Fight Them on the Ice!"
Look, we're not saying we supported the South during the Civil War (we were like 12 years old). We're just saying that no matter what side you're fighting for, looking certain painful death in the face and saying something cocky is awesome, and that's what we're paying tribute to here.
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"Restore slavery now." -Not us.
Anyway, even though the Union technically "won" the Battle of Gettysburg, it was pretty nasty for everyone involved: Over 44,000 men were killed, wounded, or lost during the three days of fighting, and while there were slightly more losses for the North, the difference in the armies' overall sizes meant that it was far more devastating for the Confederates. A lot of them knew it was likely that they'd lost the war right there, which makes it all the more impressive that the officers' resolve was strong enough for one of them to boldly tell General Lee, "We'll fight them, sir, until hell freezes over, and then we'll fight them on the ice!"
Like Queen Tomyris a couple millennia before him, that Southern lad got the chance to make good. By 1864, the Southern army had been beaten back to outside their own capital of Richmond, Virginia. They dug trenches and were under siege for the whole winter of 1864, which was plenty of time for those muddy trenches to both become hell on Earth (because that's pretty much the definition of war anyway) and then freeze over (because winter). History does not record whether the soldier took the opportunity to say "I told you so!" before he no doubt died in some unspeakable way.
"I liked this way better when it was hyperbole."
#1. Lt. Colonel Mustafa Kemal: "I'm Not Ordering You to Attack! I'm Ordering You to Die!"
The battle of Gallipoli from World War I is most known for the 1981 Australian film starring Mel Gibson (that is, not very well known), which avoids telling the more interesting story in exchange for telling one that involved people who spoke English. Which is a shame, especially for Mel Gibson, because if he'd been cast as Turkish Lt. Colonel Mustafa Kemal, this legendary quote would probably overshadow aboouuuuuuuut 36 percent more of the insane shit he's done.
Kemal's hat would overshadow 36 percent of his insane face.
At 6:30 a.m., April 25, 1915, Kemal learned that British soldiers were advancing on Battleship Hill -- a key defensive position near the ocean. He ordered his men to march to the coast and then rode out ahead of them to scout out the battlefield. When he arrived three hours later, he saw Allied warships closing in, transport ships making landfall, and a group of Turkish soldiers running toward him, away from the fight.
When he asked them why they were running, they pointed at the massive advancing army and said, "Sir, the enemy!" (presumably suppressing the urge to add "duh!"). Kemal responded by telling them they couldn't run from the enemy, so they stopped, because Kemal's not the kind of guy you disagree with. When the men said they had no ammunition, Kemal told them to use their bayonets. And then when it came time to attack, he told them, "I'm not ordering you to attack! I'm ordering you to die!"
He borrowed this line from bayonet expert Auric Goldfinger.
That's nowhere near as defeatist as it sounds. For the Turks, retreat wasn't an option because they believed that if they lost that day, there wouldn't be a home to retreat to. And this helped them win: Their reckless disregard for anything resembling respect for their squishy corporeal forms stopped the Allied advance long enough for reinforcements to arrive. And then their enemy withdrew, turning the battle of Gallipoli into the kind of pointless mass bloodshed that was so hip during World War I.
As for Kemal, he went on to become president of the Turkish Republic and stay in office for 15 years, extensively reforming, among other things, the education and legal systems. Because once you've told men to "go over there and die" and they listen, pretty much every other form of leadership is a cakewalk.
Related Reading: Battle boasts don't get much more badass than, "Surrender? Your grandmother should surrender, you bastard." And as far as last words go, "Damn it, don't you DARE ask God to help me" is pretty close to peak awesome. But don't take our word for it: read this collection of badass last words and judge for yourself.