#3. A Pair of Glasses That Lets You "Read" People's Emotions
Every time you talk to someone, there are little twitches in their expression that give up what they're really thinking -- maybe that vein in your roommate's forehead jumped when you said "underpants," or maybe he blushed slightly when you mentioned someone had stolen all of yours. These changes are usually too subtle to pick up, but science is working hard on changing that.
Researchers at MIT have developed a code that enables devices to detect every subtle change in an image and take it to 11. You can, for example, see the imperceptible change of color in someone's face every time he inhales and exhales, like this:
Or, he's seeing a naked ghost and alternating between horny and scared.
This process is known as Eulerian video magnification, and it basically takes changes that would normally be invisible to the eye and makes them as visible as you want. We can use these devices to make the slight vibration of the subway look like a freaking earthquake and to detect breathing problems in infants. But that's not all: With this kind of technology, in the future we can also potentially read people's emotions, just by blowing up the subtle changes now made visible in their skin.
By the color of their skin, see the content of their character.
Yep, we're that much closer to technology that will let you pretty much read people's minds. We will once and for all know what everyone in the room with us is truly thinking, and all human society will utterly collapse five minutes later.
#2. An Ankle Bracelet That Gives You Super Sense of Direction
For a while now we've known about how birds use magnets in their beaks to help them migrate every year, which is why you don't end up seeing flocks of birds stranded on the highest billboard, trying to remember from which part of the sky they flew from. Mother Nature didn't think this was a necessary feature for humans, but researchers have fixed this oversight: They've developed a device that actually trains your brain into always knowing which way is north.
It's also a sexual aid, just like every item in this article.
North Paw is an ankle-worn compass with vibrators lined up around its inner surface that lets the user know where the magnetic north is by vibrating in that direction. While it does sound like a cool invention, its relevance in a world filled with smartphones that probably have a thousand apps for directions might seem questionable. However, what really makes this device amazing is that the constant buzzing will actually teach your body where the north is -- eventually, your brain and newly developed neural pathways will just be able to identify the north in the same way you just know when you have to scratch yourself. You won't need a compass anymore because you'll be the compass.
Useful when you're in a stranger's kitchen and need the exit so you can return to your handler.
The North Paw's original intention is probably helping people trekking in the woods not get lost and starve to death, but even urban tourists could benefit from just insuring they never again look at a map upside down because they thought the north was the other way (that's how you end up getting stabbed on the wrong side of town). Hell, even on the confines of our homes, this would vastly improve our experience navigating our way to the toilet late at night -- think about it, no more accidentally peeing on the oven! We truly live in an era of unparalleled wonders.
#1. A Mask That Gives You Super Eyes and Ears
Of course, here we are inventing entire new senses when by far the most useful thing would be just upgrading the ones we have -- the ability to zoom in on objects hundreds of yards away, or hear a single cockroach farting inside the wall would change the world.
We can start simple, like the telescopic contact lenses developed by researchers from California and Switzerland. These let you see at a distance 2.8 times greater than the lame eyeballs you were born with, with the ability to switch between super and normal vision at will:
Eric J. Tremblay/Igor Stamenov/R. Dirk Beer/Ashkan Arianpour/Joseph E. Ford
But will our bionic descendants know how to love?
As you can guess, these started out as a DARPA-funded project into vision-enhancing devices to let soldiers shoot people better, but they're now thinking about prioritizing them for the elderly. Because if we had to choose between better soldiers or old people that can actually drive, the latter would probably save more lives.
And then we have the Eidos Mask, which upgrades your eyes and ears to superhuman levels at the small cost of making you look utterly ridiculous.
"You merely adopted the dark. I invented a device to banish it forever."
The first piece of the prototype, which covers the ears, mouth, and nose, allows you to single out particular sounds in a noisy environment. This video gives the example of being able to hear someone talking in a busy train station, or isolating your favorite instrument during a concert (good news, cowbell fans). The possibilities are endless, but just being able to talk to someone in a bar would be revolutionary enough for us. Also, if it can zone in on one sound, surely it can do the opposite, too, right? Imagine being able to put the noisy couple next to you at the cinema on mute. Or everyone else in the room, for that matter.
The second piece of the prototype, covering your eyes, is somewhat akin to what Iron Man's mask would look like without the billion dollar budget. It's a headset with a mounted camera that can apply effects in real time; instead of singling out sounds, it shows motion patterns like the trajectory of a tennis ball, or the hidden ballet in the movement of a dog humping a mailbox. In other words, it can translate anything you see into a trippy psychedelic visual -- even the long line at the bank would look exhilarating with this thing on.
Or, take mescaline before entering, and brave the guards' wrath.
See, this is what we wanted out of Google Glass. Forget that shit about checking our email on the fly -- we want a thing that just puts us in our own version of reality at all times. Now make it not look stupid, guys!
Tired of cliche wizards and space opera? Check out XJ's $0.99 science-fiction/fantasy novella on Amazon here, with the sequel OUT NOW. And of course, you should look at his writing blog and poke him on Twitter.
Related Reading: Before you buy any of this stuff, let premature ejaculation Daredevil show you why super senses might be a bad thing. And did you know Silver-Tip gorillas can smell you across time? They can, just as Hammerhead sharks can smell electricity.