Archaeologists, for the most part, aren't the intrepid adventurers Indiana Jones makes them out to be. Most of the time they just sit around, sifting through dirt and praying for something as exciting as a pointy stone. Hats and whips are only deployed when somebody's been naughty, or if their head is cold. But every now and again, archaeologists stumble upon something that defies normal logic and convention ...
5Teotihuacan, the Real Temple of Doom
Just outside of Mexico City sits Teotihuacan, a vast ruined city of pyramids and palaces. Teotihuacan is not its original name, but rather one invented by the Aztecs, who gave it a title that would dislocate the tongue of anybody trying to speak it in order to hide it from the civilized world. You see, the Aztecs did not build Teotihuacan, they discovered it ... 500 years after it had been completely abandoned.
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You don't want to climb this one without comfortable shoes ... also a flare gun.
So who lived there? How did they manage to build something so gargantuan and advanced? Why did they leave? Nobody really knows. The Aztecs couldn't comprehend how such a vast city had just appeared in the middle of nowhere, so they assumed the gods had built it (Teotihuacan literally means "place of the gods"). No other decent theories exist, since no writings have been discovered that would more realistically explain this incredibly ominous monolithic structure whose origins are shrouded in mystery. But if we had to venture a guess, we'd say Ganon is waiting in there for the Hero of Light to arrive.
UNESCO doesn't even advise looking at this picture without a blue potion and the Hookshot.
We know that Teotihuacan was a bustling metropolis (at its peak, there may have been up to 250,000 people living there) and that it was built to a strict urban grid system, much like New York City. But that's it: No writing or art exists to hint at who the citizens were. But judging by all the skeletons showing signs of human sacrifice inside one of the pyramids, you didn't exactly want to invite them over for a neighborhood barbecue.
"Can we bring anything? Buns? Coleslaw? A curse as old as time itself?"
This is one of many pits inside of the Feathered Serpent Temple -- an ancient artifact that finally lives up to its terrifying name. Archaeologists have discovered over 200 decapitated bodies in there, dating back to the construction of the temple and repeating with each new expansion. That's right: These poor souls died as part of a building's opening ceremonies.
As for what else the mysterious city full of corpses holds -- who knows? Only about 5 percent has been unearthed so far. Or, to put that more ominously, 95 percent of the city still lies buried -- waiting, waiting to see the light of day again. To be even more overwrought: No living man knows what is interred there, in the dark ...
But judging by their 200 headless corpse ribbon cutting ceremony, we're just going to take a wild guess here and say it's probably not going to be dried flowers and ancient jump ropes.