The whole point of modern society is separating humans from the unspeakably gross things that keep humans alive. No, you don't want to see how the sausage is made, and you don't want to see where your poop goes. This goes double for medical care, where you expect everything to be sterile and white and made by people in spotless laboratories. But if you're willing to keep an open mind about horrifying things, you'll be pleased to find out that ...
5You Can Use Decapitated Ants as Makeshift Stitches
If you're adventuring through the deepest jungles of Africa, it serves you well to take precautions, because it's safe to say you probably won't have access to the highest caliber of medical care. So what happens if you fall down and give yourself a nasty gash? If you're not carrying a needle and thread, the best thing you can do is shove your bleeding arm into an ant's nest and start collecting a few of the little bastards.
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We recommend feigning a picnic.
Driver ants are fearsome South American and African critters that hunt in swarms. They are so aggressive and their bite so powerful that when they raid, even elephants flee from them.
But industrious humans, unwilling to bow down to a master shorter than an eyelash, simply wondered what the bane of the jungle could do for them. And before the age of medical-grade sutures, early humans discovered that ants were remarkably good at stitching up wounds.
We can safely speculate that the first person to do this was wacked out fucking crazy.
Nicknamed "surgery ants," their pincers are so powerful that they can staple wounds together. This isn't a pleasant operation for the ants themselves -- you have to make them angry enough to bite you, and when they're good and pissed, you twist their bodies off to lock the pincers in place.
It's hardly an effective remedy for an ax wound, but it's so effective for minor injuries that ant stitches have been used for thousands of years, and in some remote parts of the world they're still used today. So if there are any doctors reading this, try it! And then send us video of the patient's reaction.
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Bonus points if you can do it while maintaining a creepy stalker smile.