#2. Depression-era Hobo Wedding
On a scale from "none" to "very," how romantic is homelessness? What if we told you we were only focused on one specific homeless subculture: migratory workers of the Depression? You know, the guys who desperately took to the road in search of work when the country's economy went to shit. The ones who lost limbs and lives while hopping freight trains to get from town to town. Those guys. In the mood for love yet? Sarah and Brian must get major hard-ons from poverty, because they did a whole wedding with a hobo theme.
Cracked Fact: This wedding had more food than all of 1929 Wyoming.
The idea started innocently enough: Sarah and Brian didn't have a lot of money to put into a wedding, but they wanted a memorable, fun day. After toying with a 1918 Flu Pandemic theme and flatly rejecting a Challenger Explosion theme, the two decided the best way to celebrate the beginning of their marriage was to play hobo, by dressing the wedding party in one-of-a-kind "hobo-chic" outfits purchased off Etsy.
Instead of wearing regular bowties, the groom and groomsmen used bandannas. Instead of carrying traditional bouquets, the bride and bridesmaids carried bindles -- those bandannas on a stick carrying a hobo's worldly possessions. Instead of "getting married," they acted out the drama of getting trapped under a moving train and losing a leg.
A rare occasion where having a tuxedo T-shirt didn't instantly make you the tackiest thing at a wedding.
Eventually, Sarah and Brian "entwined their boot laces" and "shared a bean" among all the hobo kitsch that $15,000 could buy. When criticized that maybe her wedding's theme wasn't in the best of taste, the bride responded about as thoughtfully as you'd expect: "My 'hobo' wedding is featured on @Etsy blog, and all of the Internet is being a dick. :("
Sad face, indeed.
#1. Colonial-Themed Wedding ... in South Africa
In recent months, the entire planet lost their shit when it was revealed that Paula Deen fantasized about staging an old southern plantation-style wedding, complete with all black waiters, and maybe black children tap dancing for her amusement if she was lucky. It was a stupid idea that was thankfully never executed ... in the United States. But one South African couple totally got the spirit of Paula Deen's fantasy when they staged a "Colonial African" wedding, complete with an all-black wait staff.
They may have not have understood how bad this was considering Apartheid was way back when; almost 20 whole years ago.
The key to understanding the offensiveness of the wedding is remembering what "colonizing" meant in South Africa. For hundreds of years white people took over South African land and gold and diamonds while displacing and subjugating the country's black inhabitants. Sometimes the guys in charge were British, and sometimes they were Dutch, but during the colonial days they were always white. And this is South Africa, a country more associated with systematic racial discrimination than any other.
So mistake No. 1 was just using the word "colonial" to describe the wedding theme. It would be like if Paula Deen used "slave era" to describe her dream ceremony. Which brings us to mistake No. 1: the staffing situation. It just so happened that for whatever reason, all the white waiters phoned in sick that day. Which made for some awkward pictures, considering the theme.
We are white! This is great!
When everybody on the Internet saw the photos and kicked up the appropriate amount of shit, the couple responded by saying that the photos (that the couple uploaded) were "maliciously" taken out of context, and the wedding was incorrectly described as colonial (a word the couple used in the blog title "Colonial African Wedding"), when, in fact, it was Out of Africa-themed.
For non-movie buffs: Out of Africa was about a Dutch plantation owner in colonial South Africa.
Related Reading: None of these can compare to the most offensive wedding in history, probably because none of them destroyed a national forest. If insane cultural wedding traditions are more your thing, click here and read about butch Spartan brides. Has all this reading inspired you to ruin a wedding of your own? Check this video out.