#2. Monkey Island 2 Is Nothing but Two Brothers Playing Pretend ... Maybe
Monkey Island 2 is one of those irreverent, postmodern, quirky games that barely goes a moment without throwing something absurd at its audience. This is a game that has you sword fight using nothing but insults, after all.
Your character, Guybrush Threepwood, is a pirate in search of buried treasure, if you can imagine such a thing. Your archnemesis, a zombie pirate named LeChuck, wants you just as dead as he is. So here we have a zombie pirate game made out of nothing but smart-ass goofball dialogue. How could you possibly screw something like that up? The game found a way.
The WTF Ending:
There are two parts. This:
LeChuck confronts Threepwood and suddenly claims to be his brother, a shocking twist expressed the only way a game like this knows how: by plagiarizing The Empire Strikes Back word for word.
"See, I had sex with your mother, and ... wait, no, that's not right. Let me start over."
LeChuck then pulls out a voodoo doll, which he claims will send Threepwood into a dimension of "Infinite Pain," but only sends him into the next room thanks to "shoddy material." This happens time and again until Threepwood rips off a piece of LeChuck's beard and mixes it with several other ingredients to create his own voodoo doll. The next time the siblings meet, Threepwood tears off the doll's leg, crippling LeChuck; as he lays dying, he begs Threepwood to remove his mask.
Now, it was never implied that LeChuck was ever wearing a mask. But Threepwood does so anyway, revealing the face of his "creepy brother Chuckie," who then yells at Threepwood for breaking a toy of his.
Suddenly, the two pirate brothers turn into kids at an amusement park, much to the relief of their very concerned parents.
"And now we're yelling at you. Next, we shall wag our fingers at you. Later, you will sit in the corner."
Threepwood is as confused as we are and asks who the hell these people are. His parents then suggest a thrill ride, and he excitedly agrees. As they walk away, Chuckie turns to the camera, his eyes turn red, and electricity crackles over his head.
Ahhhh ... back to reality then.
So ... what in the hell just happened? Was the entire game (and, by extension, the first game as well) just two brothers playing pretend? It seems to be, since Threepwood stopped questioning his surroundings the second Mom suggested they go on a fun ride. But then why do Chuckie's eyes glow? Is he still an evil zombie pirate? Wouldn't that make everything beforehand real, and THIS an illusion? If so, then why do Threepwood and LeChuck talk to each other like they're kids when they're still pirates?
Furthermore, if this is an illusion, why does Threepwood ever stop insisting he's a grown-ass pirate? You'd think that would be high on his list of priorities. Does he enjoy roller coasters so much that he'll quickly concede defeat just to ride on one? Did we just not do enough mushrooms before playing this game?
#1. Drakengard -- Giant Babies, Time Travel, and Your Violent Death
Drakengard is a generic fantasy game about generic fantasy dragons. Your character, Caim, witnesses his family's death at the hands of an Imperial Black Dragon and decides to get himself a good dragon and return the favor. There are also elves and knights and swords, blah blah blah. It's all typical fantasy stuff, really.
Luckily, they have more knights just relaxing in the background in case the first two don't get the job done.
After a final confrontation with the evil empire that unleashed the dragon, we think that everything's going to be OK. But then the sky darkens ...
The WTF Ending:
To kick things off, we finally meet the true bad guys: babies. Giant, creepy-ass babies who are responsible for all the strife in the world, thus confirming our theory that babies are assholes. They call themselves Watchers, but Caim refers to them as Grotesqueries, an insult that we're sure hurt their feelings something fierce.
Once Caim hacks through them all, he meets their leader: an even bigger baby known as Mother.
When she tells you to clean your room, you damn well do it.
After you fight her, she opens up a portal in the sky. Follow her and you end up in ... modern-day Tokyo? Sure, why not? It's Japan, giant baby monsters wouldn't even make them flinch. After defeating Mother, she turns into ash and crumbles into little bits. And then comes this:
As your reward for saving the world, two fighter pilots show up and shoot you down with missiles. As everything fades to black, you hear "This is Bravo 1. Unidentified target has been neutralized. Over and out." Some somber credits roll, and you then find Caim and his dragon impaled upon Tokyo Tower.
"You are now a dead body. Thank you for playing."
The entire game, you were not given hint ONE about there being any giant babies or time travel. Drakengard makes you think it's perfectly content with being a Dynasty Warriors ripoff and then upchucks all this batshit insanity at the very end for seemingly no reason. Oh, and this isn't just some throwaway silly ending; you must attain 100 percent completion to "earn" this ending. So as you stare at the screen in utter bewilderment, just remind yourself that you worked really hard for this.
Also, it's canon. As in the storyline requires you to die. It's actually one of two endings that are considered canon (the game has five endings total). While this ending doesn't lead to Drakengard 2, it does lead directly to Nier, a post-apocalyptic tale where our brave heroes battle an evil spell book 1,300 years after Caim gets impaled by the Japanese air force. OK, maybe "directly" is too strong a word.
"Can it teach me where giant babies come from? My mom told me giant storks."
Related Reading: Speaking of insane video game endings, did you know did you know Conduit 2 ended with dead presidents zapping in to kick ass and take names. Video games love screwing with our heads- and no one's done it better than Silent Hill 2 and its "dog' ending. While we're spoiling endings, we might as well tell you that Earthbound was all a big fat metaphor for abortion.