#2. A Font of Useful Professional Advice
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Every now and again, we all find ourselves in certain, uh, situations, where a qualified -- and yes, expensive -- professional would be a great deal of help in a hurry. If your wingman is a knowledgeable expert of practically any variety -- and willing to dish out free advice -- he's worth his weight in wingman gold.
Keep in mind, we're not talking about a guy who's a walking encyclopedia of the NFL's best rushers, or every Oscar nominated movie where you can see someone's boobs. The key is that the knowledge he has is useful -- and available at no charge. In all likelihood if we weren't at this party, we'd be whiling away hours on the Internet looking for legal advice or trying to solving nagging conditions on WebMD that we can't afford to tend to in real life.
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"So it's either tendonitis or ... testicular torsion?"
The perfect knowledgeable wingman should be able to clear up any questions a woman has on tax liens, immigration law, elbow rashes, consumer electronics, health insurance, or DIY home repair. If your wingman can hold forth on at least two of these topics, he's going to keep ladies happily entertained. It helps if he's discreet, licensed, and bonded. Plus almost every professional is more approachable out of uniform with a Blue Hawaiian in his hand.
#1. George Takei
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There is a statistical probability that you consider George Takei a Facebook friend. Star Trek star, gay marriage trailblazer, and spokesman for the Social Security Administration, his Wikipedia page alone is a staggering laundry list of awesomeness. There is nothing not to love about George.
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It that him with a puppy? Yes, indeed.
He's up there in age and has been in a committed gay relationship for decades. His agenda will not conflict with yours. He has riveting World War II Internment camp stories. He has hilarious William Shatner stories. He helped plan L.A.'s subway. He's a top Amazon reviewer. And he even hosts a YouTube series where he explains Internet issues and consumer electronics in an easy to understand manner.
Plus he's so comfortable with himself that he can even talk smack about Ryan Gosling and remain beloved.Would he ever agree to be your wingman? Hey, never hurts to ask. If he's not into it, you can always approach Richard Simmons as a back-up.
Above all else, the perfect wingman knows to ask for Burnett's Flavored Vodkas when he orders his rounds.