While you're sitting on your couch whining about how so many games suck, there's an entire community of people out there known as "modders" who actually take those games and alter them to make them better. Some of them are so talented that they should be working for actual game companies ... while others are just utterly insane, and the mods they create are so crazy that they'll make your brain give up and come flying out of your ass.
Guess which ones we're going to talk about now.
7The Legend of Zelda: Nicolas Cage Edition
Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask is the most bizarre game in the Zelda series; it has those creepy masks that turn you into monsters, that world-killing moon with the haunting teethy grin, and Tingle. Motherfucking Tingle. How could anyone possibly make this game any weirder? Two words: Nicolas Cage.
No! Holy Christ, no!
What you're looking at, in case your brain refuses to comprehend it, is Nicolas Cage's face plastered over Majora's Mask, and we mean both the game and the character. Someone took a not-insignificant amount of time to take every single character in this game (and several inanimate objects) and change their face into Cage's, for no earthly reason. Literally every single character in this game, from the annoying little fairies in the forest ...
"NOT THE FAIRIES! AAAAAHHHHH!"
... to the sexy big one in the fountain.
Remember the little girl who lives in the ranch? She's now Nic Cage.
From the little seen Face/Off sequel, co-starring Dakota Fanning.
And your horse? Nicolas Kim Coppola, known professionally as Cage.
Wow, they didn't even have to change his features to put them on the horse.
Even the scenery has been completely Cage-ified:
Wait, this one was actually in the game already, never mind.
We might as well tell you right now that, in this technically playable but in practice utterly intolerable version of the game, everything from the treasure chests you open to the rupees you collect now sport the face of Nicolas Cage. Why? Not even the guys who did this know for sure. In the description of the video, they only say: "We had no goal, only Cage."
Which was also the exact reason Cage gave for doing Ghost Rider.
In short, there's nothing to do in this game but surrender to Nicolas Cage and learn to accept Him in your life. After all, what is the sun but Cage, and what is the moon but Cage?
Oh God, we keep pressing "B," but nothing happens.
Hmm, now we kinda want a crossover between this and the all-Jackie Chan arcade game.
6Turn Grand Theft Auto IV into a Humanoid Horse Rampage
A game series like Grand Theft Auto, with dozens of cars, motorcycles, helicopters, planes, and various other methods of conveyance, is missing just one thing: horses. Because, you know, when there's a sports car on every corner, sometimes you just really feel like John Wayne-ing some shit. This is exactly why we have Red Dead Redemption.
But apparently whoever made this mod completely misunderstood the idea of adding rideable horses to Grand Theft Auto IV, because they made Nico Bellic, Eastern-European criminal kingpin, into a horse instead.
That may seem disappointing, but now you can do all the things you never knew you wanted to see a horse do, like perform horsey drive-bys ...
"Farmer Brown says hello, bitches."
... go on an RPG-toting rampage ...
Horses only walk like that when they mean business.
... or beat someone to death with a baseball bat.
Wow. That's actually irony.
Basically, you can turn the game into Scarface meets Seabiscuit. Finally, the people of Liberty City will live in fear of Horse. The city will belong to Horse. And if they try to stop you? Well ...
You don't fuck with Horse.