5 Famous Movie Characters Who Wasted Awesome Superpowers

Superhero movies are so popular these days that even characters in other film genres are getting superpowers now -- like that movie about the stripper who is also a wizard, Magic Mike. Apparently, Hollywood's top writers are using their prodigious imaginations to come up with the coolest, most desirable powers ... and then doing nothing with them. Seriously, most of these characters use their incredible abilities to do one or two neat things and then forget they have them, when it should have taken them like five seconds to realize that they could have been doing awesome stuff like ...

#5. Pirates of the Caribbean -- Davy Jones Could Have Teleported His Way to Awesomeness

Walt Disney

At some point in the series of films based on Johnny Depp being an 18th century homeless man, we are introduced to Davy Jones, the ferryman of the dead who stopped doing his job and was punished by having his face replaced with a squid. That'll show him.

Walt Disney
He's the one on the right.

In addition to ruling the seas and having a pet kraken, Davy Jones can teleport anywhere that's involved with the sea. Hell, even his men can teleport; when his heart-in-a-box is stabbed, they all instantly appear next to him. We first see the teleportation when Jack Sparrow is looking at Davy far off through a telescope, then lowers it to find that he's standing right next to him.

Walt Disney
"You were warned about watching me change."

Later, Davy teleports between his ship and another ship and even walks through objects. Damn, how did they ever beat a guy who can use these powers in the middle of a battle?

What He Should Have Done:

Because he doesn't use them. Davy just sorta forgets that his powers go further than "looking super ugly," as movie villains tend to do with alarming frequency. When there's a pitched sea battle and the literal key to his heart is rolling around on a ship deck 20 feet from him, Davy looks desperate and worried and then takes time to cross swords with every douche in front of him.

Walt Disney
"If only I had long, tendril-like appendages with which to reach things!"

Why not teleport to the key? Or, failing that, just walk through every sword in his way, since he can apparently do that, too? During the entire battle, Davy teleports exactly once, when he should have been jumping all over the place. For instance, not once in this movie does Davy wait until Jack Sparrow charges at him with his sword, then teleport Orlando Bloom's character in front of him and watch as he gets stabbed in the dick. Not once. That sums up everything that's wrong with Hollywood today.

Walt Disney
Seriously, just a foot lower next time, Hollywood. That's all we ask.

It's like the curse that gave him a squid face also magically prevented Davy from coming up with a use for his powers that wasn't spooking people through jump cuts. Jones conveniently forgets everything about being a maritime god and, as a result, gets his ass handed to him by a drunken moron and his two girlfriends.

#4. Aladdin -- Jafar Could Have Just Hypnotized Everyone

Walt Disney

Aladdin is the classic kid's tale of how to lie your way into a girl's pants. The girl in question is Jasmine, the local princess. Jasmine is headstrong and spurns most of her would-be suitors, which saddens her father, the Sultan of Agrabah, because he doesn't want her to grow up to become some lonely tiger lady. The sultan wants someone who will make his daughter happy, so he tells her to marry someone she loves when she's ready.

Walt Disney
"Can't you put a little more effort into it, though? I don't think you're showing enough belly."

The sultan's vizier is Jafar, and we know he's evil because, come on, look at the guy's beard. Even before he gets hold of the magic lamp and wishes to become a sorcerer, Jafar already has some pretty cool supernatural abilities: He is able to hypnotize the sultan three different times using his snake staff.

Walt Disney
"I command you to submit to the staff. Wait, what are you doing? N-no! Stop!"

Using his powers, Jafar convinces the sultan to give him his family's ring and, later, his daughter's hand (and the rest of her body). Smooth, Jafar.

What He Should Have Done:

Why is Jafar only using his hypnotic powers on the sultan, though? According to the Disney Wiki, which we hold as the ultimate authority on both Disney movies and arcane magic, the ruby eyes in Jafar's staff caused "those who gazed into them [to] become susceptible to Jafar's suggestions and will." Nothing indicates that the staff only works on the sultan, so why didn't Jafar simply hypnotize Jasmine into saying, "Hey, Dad, I want to marry Jafar," and be done with it?

Walt Disney
It would be his greatest mistake that didn't involve facial hair.

Remember, the sultan flat-out says that he wants Jasmine to be happy and pick her own suitor -- in the end, he doesn't care if she marries some lowly thief or a creepy older dude. Therefore, it makes more sense to magically coerce her than it does the sultan. Or, you know, both. And Aladdin, too, while we're at it: When Jafar sends Al to the Cave of Wonders to retrieve the magic lamp, why risk the kid betraying him and keeping the lamp to himself? Jafar could have simply made Aladdin forget about the lamp as soon as he delivered it, rather than try to kill him, and saved everyone a lot of trouble.

Also, the first thing we saw Jafar use hypnosis for was getting the sultan's ring, something the sultan never asks for back, so it's safe to assume that even after the hypnosis wears off the suggestion is still in place. That means Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar could have been Aladdin 2: Jafar Continues Being Sultan of Everything for the Foreseeable Future.

#3. Chronicle -- Matt Could Have Just Flown to the Final Battle

20th Century Fox

Last year's found-footage hit Chronicle managed to rake in over $100 million at the box office despite looking like it was shot by an iPhone. The movie answered the question every tormented nerd has always wondered: "What happens when you give a bullied teenager superpowers?" That answer, of course, is "He becomes Spider-Man." Or, in this case, "a psychopath."

In the movie, Andrew-the-bullied-teenager, Steve-the-popular-one, and Matt-the-forgettable-other-guy find an unexplained plot device that gives them telekinesis.

20th Century Fox
Yoshi-the-horny-exchange-student-with-the-accent was left out of the final cut.

The telekinesis lets the guys fly, shield their bodies from excessive physical harm, and even control lightning, but mostly they use it to act like huge dicks to everyone (so, like teenagers). That is, until Andrew accidentally kills Steve and his mental condition deteriorates, causing him to start exploding things with his brain and destroying the city like an emo General Zod.

20th Century Fox
"Kneel before Andrew!" just doesn't carry the same weight.

Forgettable Matt sees the explosions on TV and senses that his buddy is in trouble (oh, they're psychic too, apparently), so he and his new girlfriend drive there as fast as they can. By the time they reach the city, Andrew has gone even crazier, and it's up to Matt to unleash an atomic wedgie on his super-nerd ass.

What He Should Have Done:

Wait, what? We already told you they can fly. We've seen Matt play football in the clouds. He's almost beside himself with worry for Andrew ... so why does he waste precious minutes getting into a car and driving instead of just flying to him? Shit, if we had powers, we wouldn't drive anywhere. Or walk. We'd fly to pick up the freaking mail.

20th Century Fox
Also, why aggravate the little dude when you know how much he hates cars?

Here's what Matt got from driving: forced detours, closed roads, traffic, police roadblocks, and immeasurable wasted time. Here's what he risked from flying: a bunch of bugs in his hair, maybe.

Even if Matt doesn't want his girlfriend to know he has powers, he could just say "Stay here, I'll be right back" or "Hey, look behind you! It's John Stamos!" and fly off (that always works). Or, screw it, just let her see -- she discovers his powers anyway when levitating Andrew hurls his dad to the ground and Matt saves him. She definitely finds out when Matt flies into the air 10 seconds later, and just in case she's super dumb, she certainly finds out when she and her car are taken by Andrew to the top of the Space Needle.

20th Century Fox
This isn't screencapped from someone's TV, that's just how the movie looks.

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