Since the day man first realized he could cover his butt with the skins of lesser beasts, he's been torn between purely utilitarian clothing and looking cuter than Ugg, that cocky jerk caveman down the path. It seems like fashion trends these days are nothing but pointless peacocking, but you might be surprised to find out that many of them arose from a very genuine need. Meet the rebellious and emotionally damaged offspring of aesthetic and function ...
5 High Heels
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Even the most stylish woman will admit that high heels are a pain. In addition to routine complaints like soreness and calluses, they can cause permanent nerve and joint damage. But hey, they make your legs look longer and push your booty up and out, which is totally worth the risk of serious injury, according to booty aficionados everywhere.
Professor Emeritass, Booty Studies, Oxford University.
But Originally ...
High heels weren't even created for ladies. Not only were they the exclusive domain of men, but they were the exclusive domain of the manliest of men: soldiers.
"The high heel was worn for centuries throughout the Near East as a form of riding footwear," according to Elizabeth Semmelhack from Toronto's Bata Shoe Museum. It started in Persia, where horseback warriors found it difficult to maintain their stance while shooting their bows and arrows. They created shoes with a defined notch into which the stirrup would slide, allowing them to balance properly on their horses while standing.
Bata Shoe Museum
And look fabulous while doing so.
When Persia embarked on its first diplomatic mission to Western Europe in the 16th century, the royals they met were delighted by these novelties. They added their own fashionable twist by increasing the height of the heels to let everyone know that the wearers were people of status who couldn't be bothered with common things like walking very far or functioning correctly in society. Women really only started wearing them when it became fashionable to dress androgynously. That's right: Women first started wearing high heels to look more butch.
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So if you "men's rights" guys really believe in your cause, you'll strap these on and take back what's yours.