The blockbuster film business is just like any other line of work, only the co-workers are hotter, the paychecks are astronomical, and you can't go outside without having adoring fans throw themselves at you. But other than that, it's almost exactly the same. The main difference is that when office workers have a meltdown, they might punch a hole in the bathroom stall and steal a stapler, but when Hollywood actors do it, they'll pull amazingly insane stunts like these.
#5. Marlon Brando Demands a Bucket Hat and a Personal Dwarf
Getty Images/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Marlon Brando is responsible for some of the most memorable performances in movie history in films like The Godfather, On the Waterfront, and Apocalypse Now, but he's also responsible for testing the patience of pretty much every director he worked with. The man had an ego the size of a Brando. He held so much power that he could wear an ice bucket over his head and it would wind up in the finished film.
We know this because it actually happened.
"That had better be Twinkies you're pouring in there."
That's a real still from The Island of Dr. Moreau, possibly the worst movie in Brando's long career, as well as the careers of people who weren't even in it. It was probably this realization that made Brando decide that, if his name was going to be associated with such a turd, he was at least going to have some fun doing it. And so, when filming began, Brando wore something not in the script: a random ice bucket he found. And he refused to take it off.
Brando also wore a radio earpiece that would feed him his lines, in part because the script was constantly being rewritten and in part because he was beyond giving a shit at this point in his life. The problem was that, according to his co-star David Thewlis, the earpiece would sometimes get interference from police frequencies, so Brando would end up acting out lines like "There's a robbery at Woolworth's!"
That, or Brando was purposely doing that just to fuck with them ... which is highly likely.
And that wasn't even the most bizarre thing to happen on the set. At one point, Brando told the director that he would not perform unless a midget whom he had befriended during production appeared next to him in all his scenes, so then that happened -- you know the miniature version of Dr. Moreau who accompanies him everywhere? That's not in the book or the script. Brando forced them to add all those scenes. And that, friends, is why this happens in the movie:
The dwarf (who had a successful television career in South America) then inspired "Mini-Me" from Austin Powers, although that isn't an accurate comparison; a mini-me version of Brando would be the size of Edward Norton. Speaking of which, Brando co-starred with Norton and Robert DeNiro in the less crappy film The Score. Did you think Brando looked more in shape in that movie than in Dr. Moreau? Well, that's just because he refused to wear pants, forcing the director to shoot him only from the waist up.
#4. Wesley Snipes Gets Stoned, Strangles the Director of Blade 3
Lawrence Lucier/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Method acting can be a useful tool when you're playing, say, a man who has lost everything and just wants his family back. It's not so useful when you're playing a vampire/human hybrid who hunts other vampires and decapitates people with swords -- especially if your idea of a vampire hunter is actually "someone who smokes weed all day." If it wasn't obvious already, we're talking about Wesley Snipes in the Blade movies, most of which he apparently spent alternately pretending he was a real vampire and getting baked.
In the backstory constructed by Snipes, Blade wears those glasses so his parents can't tell his eyes are all red.
Cracked favorite Patton Oswalt recently addressed rumors that Snipes not only had stayed in character all the time during shooting of Blade: Trinity, but had also been stoned as hell. Snipes apparently spent all day smoking weed in his trailer and refusing to come out. As a result, they had to rely on stand-ins to shoot most of his scenes, and then simply used close-ups of Snipes for the reaction shots. And by reaction shots, we mean Snipes' emotionless face grunting or saying "Mmm" to everything, which was due to a combination of not knowing what he was reacting to and having the mental agility of a Phish concertgoer.
So, in the movie, many of Ryan Reynolds' funniest lines to Blade were included simply because Snipes wasn't there when he said them -- Reynolds was able to just improvise the most ridiculous stuff, knowing that the movie would always cut to a shot of a stoic Blade saying, "Mmm." Here's Reynolds just winging it like in a Judd Apatow movie:
And here's the finished scene with Snipes' "reaction":
When Snipes did bother to leave his trailer, he spent his time making friends on the set: One time he sat down with director David Goyer and told him he sucked at his job and should quit. When Goyer replied that maybe Snipes should be the one to quit since they could always shoot the rest of the film with the stand-ins, Snipes snapped and tried to strangle the director.
After the assassination attempt failed, Goyer paid a bunch of bikers he had met at a strip club to pose as his security team and drop by the set one day to scare Snipes. The prank worked, as Snipes never got near Goyer again, instead communicating with him via Post-it notes ... which he signed, "From Blade."
#3. Lindsay Lohan and the All-Nude Movie Shoot from Hell
David McNew/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Lindsay Lohan's would-be comeback picture The Canyons had all the right elements to turn into a crowd-pleaser: It had Academy Award-nominated director Paul Schrader for fans of Taxi Driver; screenwriter Bret Easton Ellis for fans of American Psycho; and adult entertainment actor James Deen for fans of Cum Fart Cocktails 9.
How could such a collaboration lead to what is apparently a cinematic turd? Well, we don't want to jump the gun here, but it may have had something to do with Lohan's already legendarily insane behavior on the set. In fact, the New York Times on-set report about the filming is almost certain to be remembered more fondly than the film itself. It even has all the ingredients of a good Bret Easton Ellis story: a protagonist completely disconnected from reality, incongruous pop music cameos, and baffling amounts of male nudity.
Handout/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
And this ridiculous fucking mess of a human.
Right off the bat, Lohan missed the very first day of shooting and was consequently fired by Schrader over the phone. At this point she went to Schrader's hotel and stayed outside his room all night, crying. Schrader finally had a change of heart (or just wanted to go to sleep), so Lohan promised she'd be on her best behavior from then on. However, over lunch break the next day, Schrader sent one of his producers to drive Lohan to get some food to make sure she'd return to the set on time ... and when the car stopped at the security gate, Lohan bailed, jumped over the gate, landed on a friend's car, and took off.
She did come back, hours later, but it might have been better if she hadn't, as things only got worse from there. When Lady Gaga arrived at the hotel they were filming at, Lohan once again ditched the already troubled production to party with Gaga, giving the production team a doctor's note that said she was ill. Finally, when it was time to shoot the pivotal orgy scene and Lohan refused to take off her clothes, Schrader had had it. Furious, he walked over Lohan's room, opened the door, and showed her his scrotum.
If this is how wrinkled his face is, just imagine.
Butt naked, he pleaded with her to undress, saying that the only reason he had his schlong in front of her face was because he wanted her to "be comfortable." Because Hollywood doesn't operate by the same logic as the rest of the world, it worked. They finished the movie, and it was rejected from every festival for "quality issues," so clearly it was all worth it.