The 6 Most Aggressively Stupid Acts of Human Endurance

#3. Gregory Paul McLaren Covers His Body in Tattoos ... Twice

Some tattoos are more painful than others. A little butterfly tattoo on your butt doesn't hurt nearly as much as getting a giant tattoo of a butt right on your neck. But when you hear about somebody getting tattoos over their entire body, including their genitals, you automatically know that many hours of extreme pain were involved.

That brings us to street performer Gregory Paul McLaren, who decided at one point to change his name to Lucky Diamond Rich and surrender his whole body to the tattooing gods. And we mean his whole body. Including parts you're not thinking of yet.

Glenn Ferguson/Geelong Advertiser
Half John C. Reilly, half Lord of the Rings orc.

The folks at Guinness recognize Lucky as the single most tattooed man in the world. How tattooed is he? Well, according to the good people who measure this sort of thing, he has 200 percent of his body covered. That means he has had his whole body totally covered by tattoos, and then had all of those tattoos covered by other tattoos.

So Lucky Diamond Rich went through the agony of getting ink injected into every pore of his body by needle (including the folds of his ears, eyelids, and, uh, other, more sensitive parts) not just once, but twice. And not only that, but without any more skin to scribble on, he has taken to the inside of his body as a way to keep up his obsession. You name it, he has had it done. The insides of his eyelids? Check. The insides of his mouth? Check. How about the inside of his foreskin? Yep!

We're guessing this photo was taken as it was happening.

If you're wondering if this man is totally insane, then fear not, for he just sees himself as a work of art. "I'm not a lunatic. Hey, I'm in the most published book in the world!" he says. Coming from a guy who likes to juggle machetes atop a 13-foot-tall unicycle, we're not sure if we can take his word for it, but there you go.
Those don't look like the circus tricks of a liar.

#2. Tony Wright Stays Awake for 11 Days and Nights, Starts Hallucinating

Jupiterimages/Polka Dot/Getty Images

Most of us have stayed up for a couple of days straight due to some extreme deadline or even more extreme party. If you're a doctor or a crab fisherman on Deadliest Catch, maybe you've stayed up longer, like three days. Those of you who've attempted such a feat know that when you push the limits, shit starts to get weird.

Jupiterimages/Comstock/Getty Images
"Holy shit ... I think I can understand David Lynch movies."

Now imagine staying awake for a week and a half. Or let us just tell you that it's a great way to put your health at serious risk, bringing on hallucinations, paranoia, dizziness, and a host of other issues.

Which brings us to Tony Wright, who, in 2007, decided to go for the world record for most number of days without sleep. When we say world record, keep in mind that Guinness won't even honor it as one, deciding it was too dangerous.
The list of why this is a fantastic plan goes on and on.

Nevertheless, Wright beat the long-standing record held by Randy Gardner with 264 straight hours of consciousness. If you're wondering how on earth a man can keep his eyes open for that long without resorting to copious amounts of glue and enough drugs to fuel an '80s hair metal band, you're in good company. The only real distractions Wright had at his disposal were a pool table (which he played so much that his feet blistered), a diary to log his slow descent into madness, and a constant barrage of phone calls, emails, and radio interviews that he was obliged to take part in. An excerpt from Day 5 of his journal:

"You also become aware of a loud ringing in your ears. This is the sound of the non-stop sleeper from Penzance coming to take you away ... The flat screen starts turning into a multi-dimensional portal to another world and the text into a welcoming entourage of giggling dancing pixies and elves ..."
"Well of course if you say it like that it just sounds crazy."

Why he would be interested in doing this, especially when the serious detrimental effects of severe sleep loss are already well-documented, one can only guess (unless he was just really determined to show up in this article).

#1. Brian Zembic Dedicates His Life to a Series of Dangerous and Pointless Stunts

Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images

A professional gambler by trade, and the sort of guy who will do almost anything for money, Brian Zembic gained a reputation for taking on crazy proposition bets, usually as a result of hanging around a group of people who had far too much money and weirdly overactive imaginations. So while everyone else on this list subjected himself to a weird stunt due to some powerful impulse or deeply personal crusade, Zembic's life is a continuing string of different stunts, all done for cash.

For instance, one bet included strapping $20,000 of his own money around his ankles while he spent a night in Central Park. Another involved sleeping in a cardboard box on the street outside his local backgammon club; another involved living in a bathroom for a week while his friends would take regular dumps just to piss him off.

Medioimages/Photodisc/Photodisc/Getty Images
"How can they have Taco Tuesday and Thursday?"

These, while challenging and definitely stupid in their own right, pale in significance when presented with the bet to end all bets. A friend offered Zembic $100,000 to do one very specific thing -- to go under the knife and receive implants to boost his somewhat flat chest to a very curvy and freakish looking 38C -- and keep them in for a whole year.

Zembic, having long ago decided that a "regular job" was not for him, actually took his friend up on the offer and went through with it. And we haven't even come to the best part yet: It's a decade later and he still hasn't taken them out, despite being offered more money to do so.
There aren't words ...

Swapping money for dignity has served Zembic well so far, but it hasn't always been straightforward, as carrying a pair of boobs brings with it some unwanted side effects. To appear somewhat normal, he has to tape them down and wear spandex tops under his clothes, and he can't go jogging without having them tightly secured in a sports bra. Worst of all has to be in dealing with airport security, who quite rightly become suspicious of the guy who is clearly "packing" something extra.
"They didn't even buy me dinner first."

Today Zembic is mulling a new bet: $50,000 to go under the knife again to go up a cup size, or $10,000 to take them out completely ... and he's having a hard time deciding. We would make some joke about how insane that is, but we realize how many of the males out there are already thinking they'd happily take the implants for 50 grand. Hey, make some calls. There's apparently a market for it.

When Jamie isn't trying to break his own world records, he can be found over at Psycholocrazy, where he likes rambling about time vs. money, among other things.

Related Reading: You know what else takes endurance? Surviving a week stuck in a river of human shit. Or running 180 miles through the Sahara desert while being chased by Nazis. And we're just getting started with stories of insane human durability. Ever heard of Wim Hof- the man who hiked up Mt. Everest in shorts and sandals? He's immune to the cold. Which sounds impressive to everyone but Ma Xiangang, the man who cannot be electrocuted.

For more blazing acts of stupidity, check out 6 People Who Died In Order To Prove A (Retarded) Point and 6 Spectacularly Bad Ideas From History's Greatest Geniuses.

If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out How a 90-Year-Old Man Made the Most Metal Album Ever.

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