#2. The Muppets Guest Star on Monday Night Raw
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Again, no matter how silly you may think wrestling is, every fictional universe has to at least be somewhat consistent -- we'll buy a show about zombies, but you can't suddenly have Superman show up five seasons in.
With that in mind, remember when we pointed out that The X-Files and The Wire exist in the same fictional universe, because the same character appeared in both? Well, in 2011, wrestling fans found out that the WWE exists in the same universe as the Muppets. This created the hilarious and/or sad situation where the wrestlers were instructed to interact with the talking bags of felt as if they were actual people.
Meanwhile, those talking bags of felt had to take pro wrestlers seriously.
The man with the microphone there is Jack Swagger, former collegiate wrestling champion and former WWE world champion, reduced to cupping Kermit's mouth shut so he quits yammering. The look of disgust on his lady friend's face was supposedly over Miss Piggy insulting her, but it could easily be interpreted as disgust over having to do this shit in the first place.
That, or she can see that the puppeteers all have exposed boners.
They even had a segment where Miss Piggy outright hit on a wrestler, though at least the writers let the poor dude spurn her advances. Obviously they didn't have the wrestler bang Miss Piggy on prime time cable TV, because we would have mentioned it by now, and it would have already gone down in history as the last TV show ever produced before the world governments collaborated to force the medium to be shut down.
Anything to avoid a Muppet remake of Deliverance.
After that wrestler ran off, Miss Piggy proceeded to hit another wrestler, who acted like getting karate-chopped by a sock with hair actually made him double over in pain.
The next two hours of the show was Hornswoggle vomiting blood.
Hornswoggle, who we've talked about before, is indeed a midget. But he was booked to win a non-midget title once, so, according to WWE canon, he's a legitimate wrestler. And he got beat up by a puppet. Yet even that was not the least realistic interaction between wrestler and guest celebrity in the history of the sport ...
#1. David Arquette Wins a World Championship
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If you've already forgotten about David Arquette, or if you're confusing him in your head with Rob Schneider, it's this guy:
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The one without the cleavage.
That is, a scrawny comedian who was probably more famous for being married to Courteney Cox of Friends fame. This is the type of guy who wrestling fans are happy to see turn up in guest appearances, if the goal is to have him run his mouth and then get tossed around the ring or thrown through a table. That's ... not quite how things played out.
The date was April 25, 2000. Arquette was starring in a wrestling-themed movie called Ready to Rumble, which featured roughly half the WCW's roster. So the whole thing was one big cross promotion, and obviously the star was going to appear on the broadcasts. But the WCW didn't just have Arquette appear for an interview. They didn't just stick in a meaningless undercard match where he could clown around at ringside and maybe have somebody pretend to hit him with a chair. No, they gave him a title match. A world title match. Suddenly, the scrawny idiot from Scream was challenging for the top championship in the company.
Did he win the thing? Of course he did! After all, any publicity is good publicity, even if it proves to be the final nail in the coffin for your company (WCW went out of business less than a year later).
It's a wonder he had the strength to lift that goddamn thing.
As with Leno vs. Hogan, they didn't want to have Arquette pin the actual champion, Diamond Dallas Page (or maybe Page wouldn't allow it). So instead they set up a tag-team match where Arquette was actually on the same team as Page, and the pair would take on Jeff Jarrett and Eric Bischoff (yes, the same guy who lost to Leno). So how in the hell would this result in Arquette winning the belt if he wasn't even taking on the champ? Well, they rewrote the rules for this specific match so that whoever got the pin won the title. So by having the skinny actor pin the skinny promoter on the other team, the actor somehow won the title away from his own partner.
If that sounds ridiculously convoluted to the point of being insulting, well, there's one person who agrees with you: David Arquette himself. He was a longtime wrestling fan and knew that this was an incredibly bad idea, thus proving he had more common sense and knowledge of the business than the people who ran the company. His objection was overruled, and one of the most embarrassing scenes in wrestling history played out just as planned.
We're positive he already owned that outfit.
Arquette, to his credit, turned around and donated all of his WCW earnings to the families of deceased and disabled wrestlers. Considering that the movie bombed (only making half its budget back) and the WCW went belly up, it sounds like everyone got what they deserved.
For more cringe-worthy wrestling moments, check out The 8 Most Insane Moments in Professional Wrestling and The 10 Greatest Wrestler Glamour Shots of All Time.