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Cracked Round-Up: Train Stabbing Edition

In some cultures, a young person can't be considered an adult unless they've drawn the blood of a foe. Which is why Cracked forces all new hirees to shank at least one train conductor. In time, we're guaranteed to gank the asshole who squealed about our trainspotting to the cops.


Cyriaque Lamar started us off with a journey into the mad world of Indian comic books. Felix Clay uncovered the saddest prostitutes on earth while Chris Bucholz revealed the rationale behind six baffling design flaws. Soren Bowie looked at words we love to use that have lost all meaning and Robert Brockway compiled a buyer's guide to revenge products for sociopaths. Felix Clay gave us bizarre ways to avoid masturbation as John Cheese uncovered celebrities with secretly talented siblings. Seanbaby explored self-help books for the elderly, and then Dan O'Brien wound things down with bad movies begging for an awesome remake.


AFTER PARTY
The 7 Most WTF Post Fame Careers of Famous Musicians
What comes after rock stardom? Besides piles and piles of cocaine.


Notable Comment: "Greg Graffin from Bad Religion has a Ph.D. from Cornell and teaches classes from time to time at both Cornell and UCLA. And this isn't even a post-music career, he is still rocking Bad Religion too!"

Yeah, xvszero, like either of those are real schools.




AD WORK
The 5 Most Offensive Attempts at Video Game Marketing
The gaming industry is like a nebula for terrible marketing ideas.


Notable Comment: "I think it would have been interesting if the ad campain for Seaman has just been, "We Don't Know How To Advertise A Game This Weird." Heck, that would've gotten my attention at least."

AlexReynard might just be our generation's Don Draper.



JAIL BIRDS
5 Real Prison Escapes That Shouldn't Have Been Possible
Really, each of these stories is well in-line for a solid Shawshanking.


Notable Comment: "About two weeks ago two guys busted out of a prison in Quebec. An helicopter came to pick them up. One guy took too much time to get to the chopper and held on to a ladder hanging out from the place. Pretty epic stuff...except they got caught two days later."

Hence our motto, matoiywe: 'Never leave a helicopter for any reason'.



ARMED IGNORANCE
5 Mind-Blowing Facts Nobody Told You About Guns
Y'know what else nobody says about guns? How fun they are with hard liquor and snowmobiles.


Notable Comment: "This article was just anti-gun propaganda."

You're anti-gun propaganda, Skepticus.



POOR PLAN
The 6 Stupidest Plots of Supposedly Smart Movie Villains
Real villains wouldn't live very long if they spend this little time thinking things through.


Notable Comment: "In the second arc of the Justice League animated series, Luthor actually ends up getting Kryptonite poisoning from carrying a chunk of it around for years."

We remember that, Sabre_Justice. Superman shaved his head in solidarity.





Today's Topic
Why 'The NeverEnding Story' is Actually Buddhist Propaganda
We bet you never saw this as a kid.


YOU YOU YOU!
If You Could Tell Companies One Thing About Their Products
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Banned Episodes of Classic TV Shows, Hilariously Counterproductive PSAs, Patents for Devices to Solve Everyday Annoyances and The Surprising Pre-Fame Roles of Famous Actors.
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