The 4 Strangest Things Nobody Tells You About Life in China 5 Slapstick Failures by Modern Military Commanders 5 Things I Learned as an Anonymous TSA Blogger

5 Fan Theories About Cartoons That Will Ruin Your Childhood

#2. Pinky and the Brain: Pinky Is a Genius, the Brain Is Insane

Pinky and the Brain is the simple story of a super-smart lab mouse who wants to rule the world (Brain) and his dumb friend who ruins everything (Pinky). For the purposes of this article, we'll ignore the occasional presence of a teenage girl version of Elmer Fudd who owns the mice, because, seriously, what the fuck did we just type?

The Theory:

But what if Pinky was secretly the smart one and Brain the idiot, despite what their names and the size of their heads would suggest? This theory from the Looney Tunes Wiki is based entirely on the fact that the show's theme song goes "one is a genius, the other insane," but doesn't specify which is which. Also, you know, Pinky's name is first.


Unless you count Spielberg, who is also the product of genetic experimentation.

Why It's Totally Possible:

Brain is an egotistical mouse who spends every night trying to take over the world. He's clearly a lunatic -- that's not a fan theory, that's the premise of the show. But what about Pinky? Could he really be considered a genius?


Worked for the Beautiful Mind guy.

Actually, yeah. One only needs to watch a random episode of the cartoon to find evidence of Pinky's mental superiority. Most of them go like this: 1) Brain comes up with a plan; 2) Pinky makes a relevant observation, but Brain ignores it; and 3) Pinky turns out to be right, Brain fails. In the second episode, for example, Brain builds a robotic suit to compete on a Jeopardy!-style game show, but loses by not knowing an answer to a question Pinky had answered correctly. Also, the same episode demonstrated that Pinky can read ...

... while Brain is barely able to write his own name.


That's not the handwriting of a genius -- that's probably how Andy Dick writes.

But the most conclusive evidence comes from the episode "That Smarts," in which Brain uses a calculation to identify what makes his plans fail. At first, his machine comes up with this:

So Brain creates a "smart machine" to turn Pinky into a genius ... but his personality doesn't change in the least (which should be our first clue that he was intelligent all along). Smart Pinky then points out that Brain made an error in his calculations, and the real reason his plans fail is this:


Lou Dobbs?

At the end of the episode, Pinky goes back to being dumb ... or pretending to. It's clear to us that Brain's machine never worked, just like most of his inventions, and Pinky simply took this opportunity to reveal his real self to Brain for a while. So, if Pinky is so smart, why hasn't he conquered the world himself? Same reason Stephen Hawking hasn't, probably: He's not crazy. Pinky never wanted to help Brain; he's just keeping an eye on the maniac and messing with him. Pinky might be the most effective hero ever.

#1. Toy Story Takes Place in a Household Going Through Divorce

Toy Story is the story of a character who was once popular, but fears he is outdated and will be forgotten in place of a newer and more talented rival. As the adventure unfolds, we learn the valuable lesson that despite their differences, Tim Allen is still somewhat relevant in Hollywood and won't be overshadowed by Tom Hanks. Also, your toys talk when you're not looking.

The Theory:

Between all the fun characters, the magical nature of the toys, and burning questions like "What is the sex like between Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head?" it's easy to forget that there are human characters in this movie. Namely, the toys' owner, Andy; his little sister, Molly; their mom; and ... wait a minute, where's the dad? This theory by Jess Nevins explains his absence by claiming that, while Buzz Lightyear and Woody are having wacky adventures, Andy's parents are getting a divorce.


For the record, it looks like this.

Why It's Totally Possible:

Each Toy Story movie covers a milestone in the life of Andy: his 10th birthday, the first time he goes to summer camp, and the day he leaves for college. And for all of these important events, Andy's father is always absent, with no explanation. Also, look at Andy's house: There are photos of Andy, his mom, and his sister, but no dad in sight.


Unless his dad is that lamp. Anything's possible in the magical world of Pixar.

Then there's the fact that in the first movie, we see the hand of Andy's mom as she's bringing over his present. Guess what: There's no wedding ring.

If Andy's dad just happened to be on a business trip or was, like, standing in the other room the whole time, you'd still probably see some evidence of his existence. Obviously there could be many, many explanations for this, but it seems likely that either Andy's parents broke up in a bitter divorce or his dad up and left the family at some point after Molly was conceived (which wasn't that long before the first movie, since she's a baby). If the father left recently, this would also explain why the family is moving to a smaller house in the first movie: It's all they can afford on one salary.

Whatever happened, the result is the same: For all practical purposes, Andy has no dad. This explains his deep attachment to his toys, particularly the very masculine ones like Buzz and Woody. In the words of one of the minds behind these movies, Matthew Luhn, "If there was a dad in Toy Story, the boy would not have had such a need for a doll who represents a kind of authority figure, like Buzz." The toys help Andy get over being abandoned by his father.


And then, of course, he abandons said toys. It's in his blood.



Dennis Fulton is a lazy jerk who has no future endeavors. He instead promotes the endeavors of people less useless than himself. Check out his friend's Web series. Aaron Short is a film student who likes to wear women's clothing and drink at bars. When he's not doing that, he also writes this blog.



For more disturbing truths you may not have realized about your favorite movies and shows, check out 6 Insane Fan Theories That Actually Make Great Movies Better and 5 Movie Fan Theories That Make More Sense Than the Movie.

And stop by LinkSTORM to learn why Pete and Pete are really just one kid.

Do you have an idea in mind that would make a great article? Then sign up RIGHT NOW and pitch your first article today! Do you possess expert skills in image creation and manipulation? Mediocre? Even rudimentary? Are you frightened by MS Paint and simply have a funny idea? You can create an infographic and you could be on the front page of Cracked.com tomorrow!

And don't forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed. Are you on Google+? So are we!

  • Random

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

2,019 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!