5 Fan Theories That Make Classic Movies Even Better

The Internet is great at reading too much into things -- even Freud admitted that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, people. Other times, however, you could make a pretty strong case to argue that it is, in fact, a penis. See, every once in a while, we come across a mind-blowing fan theory that makes a disturbing amount of sense, casting a movie we've all seen a million times in a whole new light. For instance ...

#5. The Main Characters of Fight Club Are an Older Calvin & Hobbes

Fight Club came out during the golden era of movie plot twists, before every stupid website started spoiling the ending to every movie. Anyway, the movie ends when the narrator (Edward Norton) and his friend/sparring partner Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) turn out to be the same person. All those times we saw the two fighting? That was just the narrator punching himself.

We'd do the same thing if we were Edward Norton.

So Tyler never existed: He was a personality the narrator invented to escape his depressing middle class life. Strangely, when this all comes out, the narrator seems to handle it rather well for a man who previously had a nervous breakdown over Ikea furniture. It's almost like he's experienced something like this before ...

The Theory:

And he has, according to one popular theory, which states that the narrator is actually a grown-up Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes ... which would mean Tyler is Hobbes.

Or at the very least he skinned Hobbes.

For those of you who grew up in a Mexican prison, Calvin & Hobbes charts the adventures of a young boy and his best friend, a talking tiger who looks like a stuffed doll to everyone else. But other than the fact that both Fight Club's narrator and Calvin have imaginary friends, what else could they possibly have in common?

Well, first, there's the fact that they both tend to show up with inexplicable bruises all over their bodies -- when Calvin imagines a fight with Hobbes, his parents can see the bruises afterwards, so it's obvious that the kid likes punching himself and blaming it on his nonexistent friend. Just like Fight Club's narrator (whose name we never learn).

That, or his mind is blocking some serious parental abuse.

Also, both characters are miserable. Calvin has no friends, so he creates one to make his life more bearable. A friend who, incidentally, is nothing like him: Calvin is an impulsive, whiny, shouting ... child, really. Hobbes, meanwhile, is a cool and collected philosopher. Likewise, the narrator hates his life -- it's little wonder why he might sink back into his old hallucinatory habit and resurrect Hobbes, albeit an R-rated version named Tyler. A version who, as we've seen, is a cool, collected philosopher who fucks junkies like a machine.

It's nice to see that they still share the same activities.

And it's not like Calvin and Hobbes don't have experience in running a secretive males-only organization before. G.R.O.S.S, or Get Rid Of Slimy girlS, a club that the duo operated for most of the comic's lifespan, is a predecessor to the titular terrorist organization, Fight Club. Everything's got to start somewhere, right?

They were a lot more strict about enforcing the first rule, hence the lack of members.

And the most damning piece of evidence? "Tyler" sounds a lot like "Tiger." Case. Goddamn. Closed.

#4. Kill Bill is a Movie Within a Movie

We're guessing everyone reading this has seen Pulp Fiction, and if you haven't, get on that shit. Hidden amongst Samuel Jackson's fake Bible quotes and Bruce Willis wearing a poop-watch was that little scene at the restaurant where Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman) tells Vincent Vega (John Travolta) about a failed TV pilot she did.

But before that: baffling dance moves.

The pilot, she says, was about a hit squad comprised of five women, called Fox Force Five, who go around killing people and telling bad jokes. It actually did sound utterly awesome, like something Tarantino should make ...

The Theory:

... and he did. It's called Kill Bill.

The Bride (Mia Wallace), about to snort coke off a sword.

We've talked before about the vast interconnected universe formed by Tarantino's movies, but what if Kill Bill isn't just a part of that world, but a movie inside of it? Specifically, it was adapted from Mia Wallace's pilot episode. Hey, maybe it was even produced by her mobster husband, Marcellus.

This was actually full of Oscars.

Let's go over the characters Mia Wallace names to Vincent Vega: "Baton Rouge, she was the leader. A Japanese one, a black one, a French one, and a brunette one, me. We all had special skills. Somerset had a photographic memory, the Japanese fox was a kung fu master, the black girl was a demolition expert, the French fox's specialty was sex ..."

Wait, are we sure this isn't a porno?

Meanwhile, Kill Bill stars The Bride (also Uma Thurman), who is also a member of an all-female hit squad, the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. The five major female characters in the movie are The Bride herself ...

Half-Japanese gangster O-Ren Ishii ...

Vernita Green ...

Sofie Fatale (O-Ren's French second in command) ...

And Elle Driver.

Some elements were retooled in the transition from cancelled pilot to major motion picture (Mia Wallace switched characters, Raven is no longer a brunette, they added a fat dude with a mullet), but it's essentially the same group. Then there's what Mia tells Vincent about her character: "She was the deadliest woman in the world with a knife." The same line was recycled in Kill Bill, only this time it was about Vernita Green.

In fact, Tarantino himself has said his movies with the more fantastic elements like From Dusk Till Dawn are the films that the characters in Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction see when they go to the cinema. Which means that we'll eventually get the inevitable scene where a Tarantino character is dissecting a Tarantino movie.

"Hey, did you see Django? Man, I don't know if I'm comfortable with the language."

#3. Everyone in Monsters Inc. is Terrified of the Black Death

Monsters Inc. is set in a world inhabited entirely by monsters, who have figured out how to turn the screams of human children into a renewable, clean source of energy.

BP is probably working on something similar right now.

The only problem (besides the whole "traumatizing kids" thing) is that children are considered highly contagious in the monster world. When a little girl named Boo sneaks into this world, the monsters turn out to be more afraid of her than she is of them. The results are highly comical -- the mere possibility of contact with humans causes the monsters asto fly into a frantic emergency disinfectant procedure. But why would they ever get the idea humans are toxic?

Hemera Technologies/PhotoObjects.net/Getty Images
Babies only smell toxic, what, 40 percent of the time?

The Theory:

According to one fan theory by Reddit user Calabim, what terrifies the monsters is actually the Black Death. Here's why:

In the movie it's pretty clear that the monster world is a lot more advanced than ours: They have Jetsons-level technology, they can travel across dimensions, and they walk around naked, the mark of a perfect society. Therefore it stands to reason that the monsters have been traveling to our world and collecting our screams for a long time ... like, say, since the Middle Ages. You know, back when the bubonic plague was happily strolling around Europe killing everyone.

But by all means, continue complaining about your phone reception.

Now, the main way that the plague spread in Europe was through fleas. And, say, remember what the monsters' reaction was when a single human sock was found clinging to someone's fur?

After removing the sock using a pair of extra-large tweezers and vaporizing it ...

... they shave off the monster's fur ...

"This is gonna itch like crazy for, oh, a couple of years."

... then give him a shower, and that's it. No medicine. No mass inoculations. No quarantine in a glass room. The only possible purpose of this, therefore, is to remove the monster's fur as soon as possible, an action which itself only makes complete sense if the disease they're afraid of spreads through tiny insects that cling to hair.

No fur, no fleas; no fleas, no re-emergence of plague; no re-emergence of plague, no bullet to the face for Sully when Mike snaps and mercifully spares him a painful death. Everyone's a winner.

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