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Everybody's so gung-ho about pot these days, it seems like they've forgotten that other illegal drugs have some pretty incredible benefits. Ecstasy helps with PTSD! LSD is an effective therapy for alcoholics! And, as Cracked's researchers can exclusively report, crack cocaine is an incredibly effective cure for the common cold. 100% of patients surveyed reported a complete cessation of all cold-related symptoms within thirty seconds of hitting their pipe.

We're in the process of petitioning the AMA to recognize crack's astounding benefits. Until they do, our pharmaceutical sales reps are working hard to make it available on a street corner near you!

Adam Brown launched our week on a hip-hoppy note, with four classic rap albums that ruined rap music. David Wong got real with an explanation for why everyone hates you. Cyriaque collected the creepiest cat pictures in art history while Soren outlined the only four Super Bowl ads that ever get made. Robert Brockway listed the lessons learned in a lifetime of fuck-ups. John Cheese explained why Jonathan Coulton should be thankful that Glee robbed him blind and Dan O'Brien capped our week with some difficult ways to simplify your life (that are totally worth the effort).

The 5 Most Epic Backfires in the History of Bad Jokes
If there ever is a mass zoo escape, we can expect a major renaissance in jerky-based cuisine.

Notable Comment: "Its so sad they don't have bidets in America."

The Cracked offices do, NeoBrowser, but we...uh, don't use it for its traditional purpose.

6 Mental Illnesses That Only Happen in One Place On Earth
Go crazy in a unique fashion, convince some friends to join you, and we might just give this article a sequel.

Notable Comment: "What? So in South America, without anyone even trying, demon possesion of young girls is so common they gave it its own name, but here in Texas I've sacrificed 9 of the neighbor's goats and I'm still not pregnant with a demon overlord's spawn?"

Kimblee isn't the first person the devil's shortchanged, and he won't be the last.

6 Unknown Artists Who Made All Our Favorite Movie Moments
Every one of these people should be better known than Michael Bay.

Notable Comment: "The single greatest sword fight I've seen in film was the one between Diego Vega(Played by Tyrone Power) and Captain Pasquale(Played by Basil Rathbone) in The Mark of Zorro."

Behold, the elusive Swordfight Hipster.

6 Awesome Superpowers That Would Suck in Real Life
Once again, Cracked sucks a tiny bit of magic out of the world.

Notable Comment: "Am I the only one who would use Stop Time to give myself unauthorized tours of the White House or the Kremlin? I think it would be totally worth aging a couple of afternoons for that."

True, TSuperbus. And we'd sacrifice a solid month if it let us pee on every world leader on earth.

The 5 Most Insane Teams in the History of Sports
In the old days, back before "the game" meant more than things like selling dogs or foreign wars, sports were much more interesting.

Notable Comment: "If Ohio State Buckeyes played against the Cleveland Browns during WWII, would it be called the Browneye Special?"

DeafBoy fills us with longing for what could have been.

Jack O'Brien
What The Media Won't Tell You About the Manti Te'o Hoax
We're like, 80% sure we put the apostrophe in the right place.

21 Movie Sequels Too Awesome To Exist
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Valentine's Day Cards Too Awesome to Exist, Now That You've Seen It You Can't Unsee It, Hidden Truths About Romantic Relationships: CHARTED and Everyday Annoyances Edited Out of History / Paintings.
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