3Pretty Woman -- Edward's Lawyer is Angry About a Business Deal, Tries to Rape Vivian
Right before Seinfeld made him famous as George Costanza, Jason Alexander starred in Pretty Woman. Not in the title role, though: He was Philip Stuckey, the attorney for millionaire corporate raider Edward Lewis (Richard Gere). Edward has arranged a business deal to buy a fledgling company from a sweet old man, but spending a week with coke-addict hooker Vivian Ward (Julia Roberts) has given him a new outlook on life. He decides to cancel the deal and help the company out instead.
"I'm very glad that turning to prostitutes has brought us closer together."
Stuckey is understandably upset about this turn of events and goes to Edward's hotel suite to confront him. He finds Vivian there instead, and the two have a nice little chat while they wait for Edward.
Then, in one of the most awkward transitions of all time, Stuckey suddenly slaps Vivian and makes an attempt to rape her. Seriously, one moment he's fine, and the next, he's humping her on the floor.
"The pretzels are making me horny!"
OK, so Stuckey blames Vivian for softening Edward's heart and ruining the deal, but how does forcefully pinning her to the carpet with his boner help? Exactly how big was this guy's commission? This is even more baffling when you consider that she just said that Edward would be back any minute -- and sure enough, only seconds after Stuckey starts pouncing on her, Edward shows up and punches Stuckey a few times before throwing him out.
"... OK, uh, see you Monday."
Stuckey knew that his boss would be returning to the suite at any moment, so how did he expect to get away with trying to rape his love interest? And while it was established in an earlier scene that Stuckey is lusting after Vivian, the dude is also married to the chick from Robin Hood: Men in Tights, so how sexually frustrated could he be?
"I'm not even wearing a chastity belt in this movie."
So in the end, Stuckey has pretty much thrown away his career for a quickie. It's like that Seinfeld episode where George abruptly quit his job because he was banned from the executive washroom, only more ridiculous. Stuckey probably ended up sitting at home, pondering his options and saying: "This could have been a huge mistake."
"I like sexual assault. I could do something in sexual assault."
2Beverly Hills Cop -- Victor Maitland Throws a Detective Through a Window Rather Than Just Lie to Him
Beverly Hills Cop is a relic of a bygone era when people actually looked forward to the release of an Eddie Murphy movie. He plays a Detroit cop awesomely named Axel Foley, who travels to Beverly Hills to find out who murdered his best friend, Mikey. Axel decides to sneak into the office of Mikey's former boss, a wealthy art dealer named Victor Maitland.
The mole on his forehead gives him away as the villain immediately.
Maitland is the man responsible for Mikey's murder, but he's smart enough to keep his cool and answer the detective's questions.
Oh, who are we kidding? He just has his goons carry Axel out of his office and throw his ass through the building's front window.
And this was before he did anything to deserve it, like Norbit.
Seconds after that, a police car arrives and arrests Axel on bullshit charges, so we are to understand that Maitland called them to get the detective out of his way. But, um, why? Axel had virtually no leads in the case at this point -- all he knew was that Mikey worked as a security guard at one of Maitland's warehouses. Hiring people isn't a crime, right? If Maitland had just taken a few minutes to, you know, cooperate and answer some questions, Axel might have moved on and spent the rest of the movie hanging out with Bronson Pinchot.
Hopefully making Pinchot pay for his murderous South American dictatorship.
Maitland had nothing to worry about: Since he sent his henchmen to Detroit to commit the murder, he had an airtight alibi and Axel didn't even suspect he was anything other than a stuffy art dealer. All he had to do was pretend to act shocked about Mikey's death, claim to know nothing about it and say: "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help." There was no reason to suspect he had anything to do with the murder ... until he tossed a police officer through a pane of glass and made himself top suspect.
Of course, this raises a major red flag and only compels Axel to investigate him further. He eventually discovers that Maitland is using his businesses to run a major cocaine-smuggling operation and brings him down. How the hell did he ever get to be in charge of a drug empire if he can't keep his cool better than that?
Wait, was this a scene from the film or just a candid shot from inside Eddie Murphy's trailer?