Cracked Round-Up: Sex Charity Edition

Here at Cracked, we've taken a lot of shit for being "selfish", "unconcerned with our fellow man" and "borderline sociopaths". Today is the day we put an end to all that. We're starting a charity, called Fuck the Police, to benefit the overworked and under-appreciated law enforcement officers of this country. Donate now, and you can help our hardworking cops lower their blood pressure through orgasms.

And before anyone asks, no, this isn't just some cynical scheme to "go legit" with our existing network of prostitutes while simultaneously getting the Man off our backs for all those pimping charges. How dare you suggest that.


Gladstone kicked us off with a boon to new drinkers: his survival guide to the four types of bar. Felix Clay was next with passive-aggressive revenge techniques while Bucholz discussed how the Internet has turned us all into entitled dicks. Brockway got topical with The Truth about Guns and Video Games as John Cheese dug up hidden Youtube comedy gold. Dan O'Brien closed us out with four simple rules for not cocking up a Die Hard sequel.


WRONG TIME
6 Ridiculous Myths About the Middle Ages Everyone Believes
It was still a sucky time to be alive, but for different reasons than the ones you expect.


Notable Comment: "Pretty much everything I have learned about the Middle Ages I learned from reading A Song of Ice and Fire."

The real middle ages had somewhat less dwarf sex and undead ice monsters, but Fbuh is basically on target here.




ALMOST ARCHITECTURE
7 Iconic Skylines That Almost Looked Ridiculous
London would have been better off with that giant penis tower. Hell, any city would be.


Notable Comment: "So how many blood sacrifices to the Lincoln on top of the pyramid would have to be made before he comes to life?"

Scholars continue to debate that one, JoshuaJarvis. But if we had to guess, we'd say four score and seven victims.



BEHIND THE CODE
6 Awesome Easter Eggs Hidden in Programs You Use Every Day
Like everyone, software developers get bored at work. Unlike everyone, their answer to this is to do more work.


Notable Comment: "As soon as this article mentioned the Konami code, I instinctively tried it. You disappoint me, Cracked."

It works, Anchupom. Just not in a way you'd expect. Every time you type that into our search page we tattoo the Contra logo on another intern's tongue.



AT A GLANCE
5 Personal Things You Can Tell Just By Looking at Someone
Read this article, buy a set of nice scarves, and you'll be well on your way to passing as Sherlock Holmes.


Notable Comment: "I read somewhere that you can tell how big a Phill Collins fan someone is by the number of balls in their mouth."

Scientific inquiries into the matter remain inconclusive, but we suspect AntennaVillain is correct here.



AWESOME INVESTIGATIONS
The 5 Most Badass Things Ever Done in the Name of Research
Science can be a harsh mistress, but she can also be that crazy girlfriend who convinces you to try heroin and steal a policeman's bicycle.


Notable Comment: ""Anthropologist" sounds like a boring job? These are the guys whose job it is to infiltrate the strangest cultures in the world, from the ultraviolent Yanomama of the Amazon rainforest to English neo nazis."

Nerosekure, how many anthropologists do all that, and how many sit in a chair all day pushing ever closer to the top of Mount Diabetes?





Distract Chicago
The Most Elaborate Lie Ever Told to Get Laid
Well we buy it.


YOU YOU YOU!
If Gadgets Talked S#!% Behind Your Back
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, R-Rated Easter Eggs Hidden in Disney Movies, Misheard Homophones With Disastrous Results, Drunk/Hungover Texts From Great Moments in History and our image macro contest: Fascinating REAL Facts About Famous Film Scenes.

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